A Palace of Possibilities - We Create Our Lives With Our Beliefs

Part Eight of the Series: Exploring Options for the Treatment of Depression

This is the eighth part in an on-going series on depression. Click the links to read earlier articles in this series-

Part I,  Part II,  Part III,  Part IV,  Part V,  Part VI,  Part VII

Darla notes- “Of all the concepts Peggy and I have written about, this one spotlights the arena of my greatest struggles. I’ve written a lot about “the battleground of the mind” and how life’s greatest battles are won or lost on that field. Agency hands us moment-by- moment vital choices that all begin in our minds; in our minds the adversary works day and night to have his lies prevail over truth. Our thoughts, no matter how distorted, take on great power when we choose to believe them, including the power to discourage, dishearten, and depress us. Consequently, the most important therapeutic skill I’ve learned is to question my thoughts and ask the Lord’s help to align them with light and truth. Over and over as I do this, I’m grateful for His direction and appalled at how many of my thoughts are not true but are linked to false beliefs I’ve picked up along the way!”

Where do these thought come from, in addition to the obvious prodding of the adversary? Peggy explains-

“We are a “Palace of Possibilities!” Metaphorically, our “palace” is filled with many rooms and in each room there is “writing on the walls.” We constantly consult the writing on our walls, which was written through experiences with parents, extended family, teachers and leaders, peers, media, and cultural influences. As stated by Gary Craig, the founder of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and originator of the Palace of Possibilities concept, “The ‘writing’ on our ‘palace walls’ contains our ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’; our ‘can and can’t dos,’ and all of our ‘how-tos’. ”[i] Our beliefs and self-talk, or the “writing on our walls,” influences our emotions, behaviors, and life outcomes. Ironically, both the writing on our walls and the experiences which form it are largely unconscious. Gaining awareness of the beliefs which direct our lives is a powerful tool for healing depression.”

Beliefs are powerful! As Gary Craig says, “Our consistent thoughts become our reality.” Let’s review a concept we shared in Part 5 of our series

Science is now proving what eminent psychologist Albert Bandura explained back in the 1960s, that a person’s beliefs “influence the types of scenarios they construct and rehearse.” This is a powerful discovery! If beliefs are powerful enough to create negative realities, then shifting belief systems can empower us, not only to change our emotions and behaviors, but to create more positive realities in our bodies and our environment. As Dr. David Feinstein explains, “If you can shift these energies, you can influence your health, emotions, and state of mind.”[ii]

In this article we will discuss thought patterns that contribute to depression as well as offer ideas for changing or “reframing” these patterns. Peggy says, “I remember many years ago when I was a young mother adjusting to the demands of small children, I attended a Relief Society Homemaking Class on depression. We received a handout that listed the most common thought patterns of people who are depressed. That list helped me to recognize and change some thought patterns that were causing real discouragement in my daily activities.”

The Power to Attract More Light into Our Lives

In the paradigm of light and energy, negative or “low vibration” belief systems weigh down our mind-body system. Based upon the law of attraction, negativity cleaveth to more negativity (See Doctrine and Covenants 88:40). Negative thoughts create negative emotions, which lead to negative behaviors. A common negative behavior that stems from “low-vibration” thinking is eating junk food. When we are feeling negative, we may be attracted to “low vibration” television programs, such as contentious reality shows or programs that revel in criminal behavior. We may be more likely to criticize or fight with our loved ones. More and more, we find ourselves stuck in cycles of negativity that are fueled by self-defeating thought patterns. On the other hand, when our thought patterns are more positive, we feel better emotionally and we are more able to solve problems, more able to resist and uninspiring entertainment, and more able to resist unhealthy junk food. Recognizing destructive beliefs is a powerful way to regain control of our lives when we are struggling with depression!

More On Where Our Thoughts Come From

It is important not to judge ourselves harshly for thoughts that come into our minds. Some thought patterns are established and reinforced by early life experiences that may have been out of our control, such as chronic verbal criticism from parents or bullying from peers. Thought patterns, like depression, can be passed on from one generation to the next; they can be learned and reinforced in our family relationships.

We don’t go through mortality in a vacuum either—Satan’s best tool is putting thoughts into our minds. Darla shares: “A Meridian reader, Charles, who lives in Paris, France, told me of an experience with an Armenian American woman, who was set apart by the General Authorities to gather genealogical and historical data concerning the Armenian people. She would travel across the world and meet prominent people of the Armenian community to solicit their support. Charles said, “This woman confided to me that any time she was about to go on a trip, she was invaded by depressing thoughts, including voices that would tell her something like, ‘you are no good and do not deserve to live, etc.’ Then, as soon as the plane had taken off, those dark thoughts/feelings would simply vanish! I’ve noticed that anytime I’m on the brink of something really good, I too am especially inclined to be under siege from the adversary.”

Individuals who are depressed have undoubtedly learned to accept some thoughts planted by Satan as truth. For example, “This situation is hopeless.” Once we believe these false messages, we look for experiences which will reinforce them and prove that they are “true.” In professional lingo, this is called “self-verifying” or “self-fulfilling prophecy.” For example, Satan may whisper that if we are having problems in our marriage, it means we have failed in our efforts to live good lives, period. Believing that we only succeed when our marriage is going well, we berate ourselves with negative thinking every time a problem arises. Then, to continue to prove that we do not deserve success since our marital problems are not totally resolved, we unconsciously continue the same behaviors that contribute to our marital distress.

Since much of our negative thinking is unconscious, we need to pray for God to help us increase awareness of harmful beliefs. Forgiveness and repentance are healing processes that help us to have a “change of heart” or a change in the way we view ourselves and others. Although some issues may require the help of priesthood leaders or professionals, our Savior wants to be our partner, our First Source. As we give our thoughts to Him, He will help us reframe them with light and truth.

Can We Take ALL Our Thoughts to the Savior, Not Just the Good Stuff?

Sometimes we think we need to “sugar coat” our thoughts and feelings and that we are disrespectful if we express our honest negative perceptions and emotions to the Lord.The fact is that plain honesty, no matter how negative, will draw us closer to the Savior, not farther away. Didn’t Nephi say, “I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus?” (2 Nephi 33:6). The Savior is well-acquainted with negative thoughts, and in His perfect mortal experience, learned to have power over negative thinking. In the book Believing Christ, author Stephen Robinson observes:

[Jesus] was vulnerable to suggestions and impulses coming into his mind from his mortal nature, a nature inherited from his mortal mother, as any of us. He simply paid no attention to those suggestions, and he immediately put them out of his mind. The ability of the flesh to suggest, to entice, was the same for him as it is for us, but unlike the rest of us, he never responded to it…‘he gave no heed unto them.’”[iii]

Since Jesus has experienced the kind of thoughts that challenge us, He knows how to succor us. He waits for us to take our negative thoughts to Him and ask for more power to “give no heed.”

Darla shares how this has made a difference for her, “How many times have I noticed the self-condemning thought that somehow I should be able to do more than I can do. The thought is immediately followed by that sinking feeling of inadequacy. But this time I recognized the source immediately and countered with ‘When I’m following the Spirit and doing what I’m prompted to do, I can let go of the rest. I just need to concentrate on hearing the Spirit. I’m okay. I’m doing better and better.’”

Know your ANT’s

“ANT’s” is a acronym coined by eminent psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen and stands for “Automatic Negative Thoughts” which Dr. Amen describes as the “seeds of anxiety and depression.”[iv] Both Dr. Amen and Dr. David Burns, the author of Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy provide a list of common beliefs that negatively affect our mood and health. Knowing these patterns (which every human being struggles with) scan help you recognize and begin to challenge them. Here is a partial list of common negative thought patterns:

1. ALL OR NOTHING THINKING: Things tend to be “black” and “white,” either really good or a big “flop.” You tend to be very critical of your own as well as others’ performance. Anything less than almost perfect feels discouraging (which means lots of discouragement and criticism for self and others.) You frequently “awfulize” situations by attaching catastrophic meaning to disappointing events. This is especially common in teenagers. Common words which signal all or nothing thinking are: everybody, nobody, everything, nothing, no one, everyone always, never.
2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You judge your whole performance or self-worth based upon one small aspect of a situation. For example, a friend gets mad at you so you conclude, “I can’t do anything right,” or “Everyone must be thinking negatively about me.” You aren’t good at singing so you conclude, “I’m just one of those people who has no talent.” You and you spouse have a disagreement and you think, “Our whole marriage is just a big flop.”
3. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You find a way to latch on to the negative aspects of a situation and disqualify aspects which are positive. For example, you receive a compliment, but mentally list all the reasons why the compliment isn’t valid. Or you have a positive thought come into your mind, but mentally argue why it can’t be true. This is one way we really push the Spirit out of our minds; the Lord continually tries to give us encouragement which we “cast it out with [our] unbelief” (Alma 32:28).
4. MIND READING: This happens when you just “know” someone is thinking something negative about you. For example, your friend’s face was scowling when you said “Hi,” so you conclude that you must have done something wrong. Your boss hasn’t talked to you as much as he has to your co-worker so you decide the boss is thinking about firing you.
5. THE IMAGINERY OTHER: This is that little nagging voice that constantly judges your behavior. Your mind silently ask the question, “I wonder what ‘they’ will think if they see how terrible I am at [fill in the blank]?” “They” judge what you wear, what you look like in the mirror, what your house looks like, how much you overspent, how often you miss scripture study or Family Home Evening, or struggle with your spouse. Often this unseen “they” is our concept of a critical God and his note-taking angels watching over us. “They” keep us feeling continually insecure about the realities of our lives.
6. FORTUNE TELLING: Your focus becomes preoccupied with a future event and all the catastrophic things that might happen. For example, “I just know my neighbor is going to yell at me because my dog ate her roses. And then she will probably tell the other neighbors…or maybe even call the police! And then I won’t have any friends; we may even have to move!” Or you have to give a talk and you find yourself visualizing anxiety-producing tragedies, such as you trip on the way up, you get scared and forget what you want to say, or you look in the audience and no one is listening. This thought pattern fuels much anxiety and can help us create the very things we wish to avoid.

Do you know your favorite ANT’s? Begin to keep a list and talk back to it. So many times just in the process of writing something down we can immediately see it isn’t true! And we can see which patterns trip us up the most. This self-knowledge is invaluable because as you learn to identify common negative belief patterns you put yourself in a position to change them.

Darla says, “Nothing has helped me more than pinpointing the negatives that Satan uses to stop me in my tracks. Recognizing them early on gives me the power to stay Stop! and keeps me from sliding the downward spiral that leads inevitably to depression.”

Perfection vs. Perfectionism

Our quest for eternal perfection can become distorted with “perfectionism.” As described by Cecil O. Samuelson, an Emeritus General Authority and medical doctor, “perfectionism is a medical condition characterized by severe self-criticism and self-doubt, often accompanied by anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive behavior.”[v] When our Church experiences reinforce feelings of discouragement or self-abusive, it is a good sign that we are struggling with perfectionism. In perfectionism, our views of God and the gospel are shame-based, rather than love-based.

Individuals who have grown up with chronic criticism, have extremely high self-expectations; those who have endured abuse are very vulnerable to perfectionistic messages. Some of the most diligent individuals, who want to please God with all their hearts, can become tragically trapped in painful perfectionism.In perfectionism, we unconsciously believe that we have to get ourselves perfect and then hope that Christ will accept us; a healthy understanding of the Atonement helps us to readily and happily rely upon Christ’s love every step of the way. Colleen Harrison’s book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage , and her recent Meridian Magazine article, “Spiritual Dyslexia and King Benjamin’s Promises” are excellent resources for overcoming this perfectionistic syndrome as well as the discouragement and depression that are part of it.

Dr. Samuelson provides clues to help us clearly distinguish a quest for perfection and “Doing Your Best” from the plague of “Perfectionism.”

Peggy says, “I have often found comfort in Nephi’s reply to the Lord when he was asked, ‘Knowest thou the condescension of God?’ Nephi did not fully comprehend this concept, but, despite his uncertainty, he was sustained by a foundation of God’s absolute love for him, “I know that he loveth his children, nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16,17). In the process of healing from depression, we can heal from crippling shame; we can grow to know in our very core that God loves us just because we are His, that we are inherently valuable to Him.”

Using Cognitive Therapy Strategies to Change Negative Thought Patterns

We can make much progress by using self-help strategies to change our thoughts. Be aware, however, that since many thought patterns arise out of painful or abusive childhood experiences, getting help from a qualified therapist may be needed when stubborn patterns persist.

When we are stuck in a negative thought cycle, it is almost like an old time record player where the needle got stuck in a groove and played the same words over and over. Sometimes simple thought-stopping strategies can help to “cast away your idle thoughts” (D&C 88:69), and focus on something else:

• Take a brisk walk or exercise
• Distract your attention with an activity that requires you to mentally refocus, singing, going to the grocery store, an uplifting movie
• Pretend you have a megaphone in your head. Visualize the megaphone and yell, “Stop!”
• Pretend there is a cord connecting your body to the problem or person you are worrying about and yell, “Cut!” as you briskly sweep your hand through the imaginary cord.
• Look out the window and see how many colors you can count.
• Keep a rubber band around your wrist. Every time the unwanted thought comes up, snap the rubber band to remind you to refocus on a positive thought.
• Put your hand in a bowl of cold ice water for a few seconds.

Darla shares another Cognitive Therapy strategy, “I simply divide a paper into two columns. In the left hand column I write the negative thought I have recognized. In the right hand column I challenge it—writing something that could be more true. Almost instantly I feel better!”

Simply identifying a thought and asking yourself some questions can help to change a negative train of thought: “Is it true?” “Do I know for certain that it is true?” “Am I relying on a fear, worry, or insecurity, to provide evidence that it is true?” “Just because someone I love thinks it’s true, do I have to believe it?”

Here are more ideas for challenging your negative thoughts using Darla’s idea of dividing a paper into two columns:

Re-write your statement, but say, “It’s okay if…”

• It’s okay if, I’m upset because my best friend is upset with me.
• It’s okay if, I didn’t do as well as I hoped.
• It’s okay if, I don’t know how to solve this problem right now.
• It’s okay if, there isn’t a perfect solution.

Replace “I can’t” with “I can” statements.

• I can face this situation, when I am feeling more rested.
• I can make progress, when I take one small step at a time.
• I can do something, even though I can’t fix the whole situation.

Challenge words like “everyone,” “no one,” “never,” and “always.”

• Sometimes my husband and I struggle to agree, but it is unfair to say we always fight.
• It seems like everyone does better managing their finances than me, I think it more accurate to say that some people struggle just as much as I do.
• I feel like I am never organized, but there are sometimes moments when I know how to handle things.

Challenge exaggerations and “awfulizing.”

• I don’t have to believe something bad is going to happen, just because I worry about it.
• My problems feel overwhelming, but there are still some good things happening in my life.
• I know it seems like this problem is not solvable, but most things have a way of working out if I take one day at a time. (Remember President Hinckley’s quote.)
• I’ve failed at a lot of things, but I have some successes too.

Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to Reframe Negative Thoughts Instantly

In Part 6 of our series, we discussed the use of EFT as a self-help and stress management tool.Peggy likes to describe EFT as “ramped up Cognitive Therapy” because it accomplishes the same tasks as Cognitive Therapy, but creates instant, noticeable changes in emotion, and increases feelings of calm and comfort. EFT is a pleasant way to deal with persistent, self-defeating thoughts.

One of the biggest reasons that we get stuck in negative emotional states is that we unconsciously believe we need to suffer, that we don’t deserve to have relief. At the heart of these beliefs is debilitating shame. Shame is never beneficial. Shame, which keeps us from moving forward in a positive way, must be differentiated from healthy guilt.Healthy guilt allows us to feel the remorse that signals a need for change and also motivates us to move forward in change NOW. In EFT, we call the beliefs that keep us stuck, “psychological reversal” (PR). EFT is designed to help us remove these roadblocks to progress by helping us feel self-acceptance about where we are in the present. That does not mean we want to stay where we are, it does not mean we condone or approve of negative behaviors, it just means that we experience the self-love and self-acceptance necessary to move forward.

To address shaming thought patterns or persistent negative beliefs, you start your EFT tapping by using two fingers to tap on the karate chop point (KC) of the opposite hand. The karate chop point is wear you would “chop” a board in half if you were a martial arts expert. While you tap on your KC, state your negative belief; be scrupulously honest! Then add a statement that is gently self-affirming. It is important that what you say feels true and not forced or contrived. Sometimes these statements will sound illogical and paradoxical, but remember our emotions are not logical. Tap and repeat your statement at least three times. Here are some examples to help you create your own statements:

• Even though I didn’t do as well as I hoped, I can thank myself for all I do well.
• Even though I feel inadequate when I _______, I choose to be more comfortable with the things I can’t do perfectly.
• Even though I don’t know how to handle this problem right now, it’s okay to follow my best instincts in the moment.
• Even though I’ve been stuck in suffering and self-doubt, I’m open to the possibility that change is happening right now.
• Even though I don’t believe I deserve anything better, I’m willing to accept God’s grace in my life anyway.
• Even though I’ve made a lot of mistakes, it’s okay to focus on some good things too.
• Even though my problems feel overwhelming, I can honor myself for the challenges I face.
• Even though I hate having these negative feelings, I am learning to acknowledge and accept all of my feelings..
• Even though I’m so embarrassed about this problem, I am learning to be okay with myself just as I am.
• Even though I hate myself for being so _______; I am willing to love all parts of me anyway..
• Even though it feels like I’m always criticized; I choose to believe the truth that there are people who love and support me.

Experiment by working on one negative thought for a whole day, or even a couple days. Pray for help in your tapping efforts. Tap on the negative thought/ affirmation statement as often as the negative thought comes to your mind. What do you notice? Really tune in to the emotions that accompany both the thought and the affirmation. The more you tap, the more you can more negative energy from your mind-body system. Use this technique as a preparation for the other techniques we discussed in Part 6.

Conclusion

We create our lives with our beliefs, so the most important thing we can do is recognize and examine those beliefs. Darla says, “As we’ve been working on this series, I’ve been experiencing extreme exhaustion, and have been so grateful that Peggy has been willing and able to carry most of the load. I have come to recognize that I’ve created my extreme fatigue partly because of my belief that it is righteous to push ahead no matter what. By questioning that belief and replacing it with a thought that is more true: ‘The Lord wants me to take care of my body and rest when I need to rest,’ I’m making breakthroughs and beginning to heal.”

Be committed to changing your thoughts and you are on your way to big changes in your life!

In the next article of our series, we will share some personal stories of individuals who have been able to “put the pieces of their depression puzzle together.” They have learned how to use a variety of tools to overcome and manage depression.

Part Eight of the Series: Exploring Options for the Treatment of Depression

This is the eighth part in an on-going series on depression. Click the links to read earlier articles in this series-

Part I,  Part II,  Part III,  Part IV,  Part V,  Part VI,  Part VII

Darla notes- “Of all the concepts Peggy and I have written about, this one spotlights the arena of my greatest struggles. I’ve written a lot about “the battleground of the mind” and how life’s greatest battles are won or lost on that field. Agency hands us moment-by- moment vital choices that all begin in our minds; in our minds the adversary works day and night to have his lies prevail over truth. Our thoughts, no matter how distorted, take on great power when we choose to believe them, including the power to discourage, dishearten, and depress us. Consequently, the most important therapeutic skill I’ve learned is to question my thoughts and ask the Lord’s help to align them with light and truth. Over and over as I do this, I’m grateful for His direction and appalled at how many of my thoughts are not true but are linked to false beliefs I’ve picked up along the way!”

Where do these thought come from, in addition to the obvious prodding of the adversary? Peggy explains-

“We are a “Palace of Possibilities!” Metaphorically, our “palace” is filled with many rooms and in each room there is “writing on the walls.” We constantly consult the writing on our walls, which was written through experiences with parents, extended family, teachers and leaders, peers, media, and cultural influences. As stated by Gary Craig, the founder of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and originator of the Palace of Possibilities concept, “The ‘writing’ on our ‘palace walls’ contains our ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’; our ‘can and can’t dos,’ and all of our ‘how-tos’. ”[i] Our beliefs and self-talk, or the “writing on our walls,” influences our emotions, behaviors, and life outcomes. Ironically, both the writing on our walls and the experiences which form it are largely unconscious. Gaining awareness of the beliefs which direct our lives is a powerful tool for healing depression.”

Beliefs are powerful! As Gary Craig says, “Our consistent thoughts become our reality.” Let’s review a concept we shared in Part 5 of our series

Science is now proving what eminent psychologist Albert Bandura explained back in the 1960s, that a person’s beliefs “influence the types of scenarios they construct and rehearse.” This is a powerful discovery! If beliefs are powerful enough to create negative realities, then shifting belief systems can empower us, not only to change our emotions and behaviors, but to create more positive realities in our bodies and our environment. As Dr. David Feinstein explains, “If you can shift these energies, you can influence your health, emotions, and state of mind.”[ii]

In this article we will discuss thought patterns that contribute to depression as well as offer ideas for changing or “reframing” these patterns. Peggy says, “I remember many years ago when I was a young mother adjusting to the demands of small children, I attended a Relief Society Homemaking Class on depression. We received a handout that listed the most common thought patterns of people who are depressed. That list helped me to recognize and change some thought patterns that were causing real discouragement in my daily activities.”

The Power to Attract More Light into Our Lives

In the paradigm of light and energy, negative or “low vibration” belief systems weigh down our mind-body system. Based upon the law of attraction, negativity cleaveth to more negativity (See Doctrine and Covenants 88:40). Negative thoughts create negative emotions, which lead to negative behaviors. A common negative behavior that stems from “low-vibration” thinking is eating junk food. When we are feeling negative, we may be attracted to “low vibration” television programs, such as contentious reality shows or programs that revel in criminal behavior. We may be more likely to criticize or fight with our loved ones. More and more, we find ourselves stuck in cycles of negativity that are fueled by self-defeating thought patterns. On the other hand, when our thought patterns are more positive, we feel better emotionally and we are more able to solve problems, more able to resist and uninspiring entertainment, and more able to resist unhealthy junk food. Recognizing destructive beliefs is a powerful way to regain control of our lives when we are struggling with depression!

More On Where Our Thoughts Come From

It is important not to judge ourselves harshly for thoughts that come into our minds. Some thought patterns are established and reinforced by early life experiences that may have been out of our control, such as chronic verbal criticism from parents or bullying from peers. Thought patterns, like depression, can be passed on from one generation to the next; they can be learned and reinforced in our family relationships.

We don’t go through mortality in a vacuum either—Satan’s best tool is putting thoughts into our minds. Darla shares: “A Meridian reader, Charles, who lives in Paris, France, told me of an experience with an Armenian American woman, who was set apart by the General Authorities to gather genealogical and historical data concerning the Armenian people. She would travel across the world and meet prominent people of the Armenian community to solicit their support. Charles said, “This woman confided to me that any time she was about to go on a trip, she was invaded by depressing thoughts, including voices that would tell her something like, ‘you are no good and do not deserve to live, etc.’ Then, as soon as the plane had taken off, those dark thoughts/feelings would simply vanish! I’ve noticed that anytime I’m on the brink of something really good, I too am especially inclined to be under siege from the adversary.”

Individuals who are depressed have undoubtedly learned to accept some thoughts planted by Satan as truth. For example, “This situation is hopeless.” Once we believe these false messages, we look for experiences which will reinforce them and prove that they are “true.” In professional lingo, this is called “self-verifying” or “self-fulfilling prophecy.” For example, Satan may whisper that if we are having problems in our marriage, it means we have failed in our efforts to live good lives, period. Believing that we only succeed when our marriage is going well, we berate ourselves with negative thinking every time a problem arises. Then, to continue to prove that we do not deserve success since our marital problems are not totally resolved, we unconsciously continue the same behaviors that contribute to our marital distress.

Since much of our negative thinking is unconscious, we need to pray for God to help us increase awareness of harmful beliefs. Forgiveness and repentance are healing processes that help us to have a “change of heart” or a change in the way we view ourselves and others. Although some issues may require the help of priesthood leaders or professionals, our Savior wants to be our partner, our First Source. As we give our thoughts to Him, He will help us reframe them with light and truth.

Can We Take ALL Our Thoughts to the Savior, Not Just the Good Stuff?

Sometimes we think we need to “sugar coat” our thoughts and feelings and that we are disrespectful if we express our honest negative perceptions and emotions to the Lord.The fact is that plain honesty, no matter how negative, will draw us closer to the Savior, not farther away. Didn’t Nephi say, “I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus?” (2 Nephi 33:6). The Savior is well-acquainted with negative thoughts, and in His perfect mortal experience, learned to have power over negative thinking. In the book Believing Christ, author Stephen Robinson observes:

[Jesus] was vulnerable to suggestions and impulses coming into his mind from his mortal nature, a nature inherited from his mortal mother, as any of us. He simply paid no attention to those suggestions, and he immediately put them out of his mind. The ability of the flesh to suggest, to entice, was the same for him as it is for us, but unlike the rest of us, he never responded to it…‘he gave no heed unto them.’”[iii]

Since Jesus has experienced the kind of thoughts that challenge us, He knows how to succor us. He waits for us to take our negative thoughts to Him and ask for more power to “give no heed.”

Darla shares how this has made a difference for her, “How many times have I noticed the self-condemning thought that somehow I should be able to do more than I can do. The thought is immediately followed by that sinking feeling of inadequacy. But this time I recognized the source immediately and countered with ‘When I’m following the Spirit and doing what I’m prompted to do, I can let go of the rest. I just need to concentrate on hearing the Spirit. I’m okay. I’m doing better and better.’”

Know your ANT’s

“ANT’s” is a acronym coined by eminent psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen and stands for “Automatic Negative Thoughts” which Dr. Amen describes as the “seeds of anxiety and depression.”[iv] Both Dr. Amen and Dr. David Burns, the author of Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy provide a list of common beliefs that negatively affect our mood and health. Knowing these patterns (which every human being struggles with) scan help you recognize and begin to challenge them. Here is a partial list of common negative thought patterns:

1. ALL OR NOTHING THINKING: Things tend to be “black” and “white,” either really good or a big “flop.” You tend to be very critical of your own as well as others’ performance. Anything less than almost perfect feels discouraging (which means lots of discouragement and criticism for self and others.) You frequently “awfulize” situations by attaching catastrophic meaning to disappointing events. This is especially common in teenagers. Common words which signal all or nothing thinking are: everybody, nobody, everything, nothing, no one, everyone always, never.
2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You judge your whole performance or self-worth based upon one small aspect of a situation. For example, a friend gets mad at you so you conclude, “I can’t do anything right,” or “Everyone must be thinking negatively about me.” You aren’t good at singing so you conclude, “I’m just one of those people who has no talent.” You and you spouse have a disagreement and you think, “Our whole marriage is just a big flop.”
3. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You find a way to latch on to the negative aspects of a situation and disqualify aspects which are positive. For example, you receive a compliment, but mentally list all the reasons why the compliment isn’t valid. Or you have a positive thought come into your mind, but mentally argue why it can’t be true. This is one way we really push the Spirit out of our minds; the Lord continually tries to give us encouragement which we “cast it out with [our] unbelief” (Alma 32:28).
4. MIND READING: This happens when you just “know” someone is thinking something negative about you. For example, your friend’s face was scowling when you said “Hi,” so you conclude that you must have done something wrong. Your boss hasn’t talked to you as much as he has to your co-worker so you decide the boss is thinking about firing you.
5. THE IMAGINERY OTHER: This is that little nagging voice that constantly judges your behavior. Your mind silently ask the question, “I wonder what ‘they’ will think if they see how terrible I am at [fill in the blank]?” “They” judge what you wear, what you look like in the mirror, what your house looks like, how much you overspent, how often you miss scripture study or Family Home Evening, or struggle with your spouse. Often this unseen “they” is our concept of a critical God and his note-taking angels watching over us. “They” keep us feeling continually insecure about the realities of our lives.
6. FORTUNE TELLING: Your focus becomes preoccupied with a future event and all the catastrophic things that might happen. For example, “I just know my neighbor is going to yell at me because my dog ate her roses. And then she will probably tell the other neighbors…or maybe even call the police! And then I won’t have any friends; we may even have to move!” Or you have to give a talk and you find yourself visualizing anxiety-producing tragedies, such as you trip on the way up, you get scared and forget what you want to say, or you look in the audience and no one is listening. This thought pattern fuels much anxiety and can help us create the very things we wish to avoid.

Do you know your favorite ANT’s? Begin to keep a list and talk back to it. So many times just in the process of writing something down we can immediately see it isn’t true! And we can see which patterns trip us up the most. This self-knowledge is invaluable because as you learn to identify common negative belief patterns you put yourself in a position to change them.

Darla says, “Nothing has helped me more than pinpointing the negatives that Satan uses to stop me in my tracks. Recognizing them early on gives me the power to stay Stop! and keeps me from sliding the downward spiral that leads inevitably to depression.”

Perfection vs. Perfectionism

Our quest for eternal perfection can become distorted with “perfectionism.” As described by Cecil O. Samuelson, an Emeritus General Authority and medical doctor, “perfectionism is a medical condition characterized by severe self-criticism and self-doubt, often accompanied by anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive behavior.”[v] When our Church experiences reinforce feelings of discouragement or self-abusive, it is a good sign that we are struggling with perfectionism. In perfectionism, our views of God and the gospel are shame-based, rather than love-based.

Individuals who have grown up with chronic criticism, have extremely high self-expectations; those who have endured abuse are very vulnerable to perfectionistic messages. Some of the most diligent individuals, who want to please God with all their hearts, can become tragically trapped in painful perfectionism.In perfectionism, we unconsciously believe that we have to get ourselves perfect and then hope that Christ will accept us; a healthy understanding of the Atonement helps us to readily and happily rely upon Christ’s love every step of the way. Colleen Harrison’s book, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage , and her recent Meridian Magazine article, “Spiritual Dyslexia and King Benjamin’s Promises” are excellent resources for overcoming this perfectionistic syndrome as well as the discouragement and depression that are part of it.

Dr. Samuelson provides clues to help us clearly distinguish a quest for perfection and “Doing Your Best” from the plague of “Perfectionism.”

Peggy says, “I have often found comfort in Nephi’s reply to the Lord when he was asked, ‘Knowest thou the condescension of God?’ Nephi did not fully comprehend this concept, but, despite his uncertainty, he was sustained by a foundation of God’s absolute love for him, “I know that he loveth his children, nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16,17). In the process of healing from depression, we can heal from crippling shame; we can grow to know in our very core that God loves us just because we are His, that we are inherently valuable to Him.”

Using Cognitive Therapy Strategies to Change Negative Thought Patterns

We can make much progress by using self-help strategies to change our thoughts. Be aware, however, that since many thought patterns arise out of painful or abusive childhood experiences, getting help from a qualified therapist may be needed when stubborn patterns persist.

When we are stuck in a negative thought cycle, it is almost like an old time record player where the needle got stuck in a groove and played the same words over and over. Sometimes simple thought-stopping strategies can help to “cast away your idle thoughts” (D&C 88:69), and focus on something else:

• Take a brisk walk or exercise
• Distract your attention with an activity that requires you to mentally refocus, singing, going to the grocery store, an uplifting movie
• Pretend you have a megaphone in your head. Visualize the megaphone and yell, “Stop!”
• Pretend there is a cord connecting your body to the problem or person you are worrying about and yell, “Cut!” as you briskly sweep your hand through the imaginary cord.
• Look out the window and see how many colors you can count.
• Keep a rubber band around your wrist. Every time the unwanted thought comes up, snap the rubber band to remind you to refocus on a positive thought.
• Put your hand in a bowl of cold ice water for a few seconds.

Darla shares another Cognitive Therapy strategy, “I simply divide a paper into two columns. In the left hand column I write the negative thought I have recognized. In the right hand column I challenge it—writing something that could be more true. Almost instantly I feel better!”

Simply identifying a thought and asking yourself some questions can help to change a negative train of thought: “Is it true?” “Do I know for certain that it is true?” “Am I relying on a fear, worry, or insecurity, to provide evidence that it is true?” “Just because someone I love thinks it’s true, do I have to believe it?”

Here are more ideas for challenging your negative thoughts using Darla’s idea of dividing a paper into two columns:

Re-write your statement, but say, “It’s okay if…”

• It’s okay if, I’m upset because my best friend is upset with me.
• It’s okay if, I didn’t do as well as I hoped.
• It’s okay if, I don’t know how to solve this problem right now.
• It’s okay if, there isn’t a perfect solution.

Replace “I can’t” with “I can” statements.

• I can face this situation, when I am feeling more rested.
• I can make progress, when I take one small step at a time.
• I can do something, even though I can’t fix the whole situation.

Challenge words like “everyone,” “no one,” “never,” and “always.”

• Sometimes my husband and I struggle to agree, but it is unfair to say we always fight.
• It seems like everyone does better managing their finances than me, I think it more accurate to say that some people struggle just as much as I do.
• I feel like I am never organized, but there are sometimes moments when I know how to handle things.

Challenge exaggerations and “awfulizing.”

• I don’t have to believe something bad is going to happen, just because I worry about it.
• My problems feel overwhelming, but there are still some good things happening in my life.
• I know it seems like this problem is not solvable, but most things have a way of working out if I take one day at a time. (Remember President Hinckley’s quote.)
• I’ve failed at a lot of things, but I have some successes too.

Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to Reframe Negative Thoughts Instantly

In Part 6 of our series, we discussed the use of EFT as a self-help and stress management tool.Peggy likes to describe EFT as “ramped up Cognitive Therapy” because it accomplishes the same tasks as Cognitive Therapy, but creates instant, noticeable changes in emotion, and increases feelings of calm and comfort. EFT is a pleasant way to deal with persistent, self-defeating thoughts.

One of the biggest reasons that we get stuck in negative emotional states is that we unconsciously believe we need to suffer, that we don’t deserve to have relief. At the heart of these beliefs is debilitating shame. Shame is never beneficial. Shame, which keeps us from moving forward in a positive way, must be differentiated from healthy guilt.Healthy guilt allows us to feel the remorse that signals a need for change and also motivates us to move forward in change NOW. In EFT, we call the beliefs that keep us stuck, “psychological reversal” (PR). EFT is designed to help us remove these roadblocks to progress by helping us feel self-acceptance about where we are in the present. That does not mean we want to stay where we are, it does not mean we condone or approve of negative behaviors, it just means that we experience the self-love and self-acceptance necessary to move forward.

To address shaming thought patterns or persistent negative beliefs, you start your EFT tapping by using two fingers to tap on the karate chop point (KC) of the opposite hand. The karate chop point is wear you would “chop” a board in half if you were a martial arts expert. While you tap on your KC, state your negative belief; be scrupulously honest! Then add a statement that is gently self-affirming. It is important that what you say feels true and not forced or contrived. Sometimes these statements will sound illogical and paradoxical, but remember our emotions are not logical. Tap and repeat your statement at least three times. Here are some examples to help you create your own statements:

• Even though I didn’t do as well as I hoped, I can thank myself for all I do well.
• Even though I feel inadequate when I _______, I choose to be more comfortable with the things I can’t do perfectly.
• Even though I don’t know how to handle this problem right now, it’s okay to follow my best instincts in the moment.
• Even though I’ve been stuck in suffering and self-doubt, I’m open to the possibility that change is happening right now.
• Even though I don’t believe I deserve anything better, I’m willing to accept God’s grace in my life anyway.
• Even though I’ve made a lot of mistakes, it’s okay to focus on some good things too.
• Even though my problems feel overwhelming, I can honor myself for the challenges I face.
• Even though I hate having these negative feelings, I am learning to acknowledge and accept all of my feelings..
• Even though I’m so embarrassed about this problem, I am learning to be okay with myself just as I am.
• Even though I hate myself for being so _______; I am willing to love all parts of me anyway..
• Even though it feels like I’m always criticized; I choose to believe the truth that there are people who love and support me.

Experiment by working on one negative thought for a whole day, or even a couple days. Pray for help in your tapping efforts. Tap on the negative thought/ affirmation statement as often as the negative thought comes to your mind. What do you notice? Really tune in to the emotions that accompany both the thought and the affirmation. The more you tap, the more you can more negative energy from your mind-body system. Use this technique as a preparation for the other techniques we discussed in Part 6.

Conclusion

We create our lives with our beliefs, so the most important thing we can do is recognize and examine those beliefs. Darla says, “As we’ve been working on this series, I’ve been experiencing extreme exhaustion, and have been so grateful that Peggy has been willing and able to carry most of the load. I have come to recognize that I’ve created my extreme fatigue partly because of my belief that it is righteous to push ahead no matter what. By questioning that belief and replacing it with a thought that is more true: ‘The Lord wants me to take care of my body and rest when I need to rest,’ I’m making breakthroughs and beginning to heal.”

Be committed to changing your thoughts and you are on your way to big changes in your life!

In the next article of our series, we will share some personal stories of individuals who have been able to “put the pieces of their depression puzzle together.” They have learned how to use a variety of tools to overcome and manage depression.

Part Eight of the Series: Exploring Options for the Treatment of Depression

This is the eighth part in an on-going series on depression. Click the links to read earlier articles in this series-

Part I,  Part II,  Part III,  Part IV,  Part V,  Part VI,  Part VII

Darla notes- “Of all the concepts Peggy and I have written about, this one spotlights the arena of my greatest struggles. I’ve written a lot about “the battleground of the mind” and how life’s greatest battles are won or lost on that field. Agency hands us moment-by- moment vital choices that all begin in our minds; in our minds the adversary works day and night to have his lies prevail over truth. Our thoughts, no matter how distorted, take on great power when we choose to believe them, including the power to discourage, dishearten, and depress us. Consequently, the most important therapeutic skill I’ve learned is to question my thoughts and ask the Lord’s help to align them with light and truth. Over and over as I do this, I’m grateful for His direction and appalled at how many of my thoughts are not true but are linked to false beliefs I’ve picked up along the way!”

Where do these thought come from, in addition to the obvious prodding of the adversary? Peggy explains-

“We are a “Palace of Possibilities!” Metaphorically, our “palace” is filled with many rooms and in each room there is “writing on the walls.” We constantly consult the writing on our walls, which was written through experiences with parents, extended family, teachers and leaders, peers, media, and cultural influences. As stated by Gary Craig, the founder of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and originator of the Palace of Possibilities concept, “The ‘writing’ on our ‘palace walls’ contains our ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’; our ‘can and can’t dos,’ and all of our ‘how-tos’. ”[i] Our beliefs and self-talk, or the “writing on our walls,” influences our emotions, behaviors, and life outcomes. Ironically, both the writing on our walls and the experiences which form it are largely unconscious. Gaining awareness of the beliefs which direct our lives is a powerful tool for healing depression.”

Beliefs are powerful! As Gary Craig says, “Our consistent thoughts become our reality.” Let’s review a concept we shared in Part 5 of our series

Science is now proving what eminent psychologist Albert Bandura explained back in the 1960s, that a person’s beliefs “influence the types of scenarios they construct and rehearse.” This is a powerful discovery! If beliefs are powerful enough to create negative realities, then shifting belief systems can empower us, not only to change our emotions and behaviors, but to create more positive realities in our bodies and our environment. As Dr. David Feinstein explains, “If you can shift these energies, you can influence your health, emotions, and state of mind.”[ii]

In this article we will discuss thought patterns that contribute to depression as well as offer ideas for changing or “reframing” these patterns. Peggy says, “I remember many years ago when I was a young mother adjusting to the demands of small children, I attended a Relief Society Homemaking Class on depression. We received a handout that listed the most common thought patterns of people who are depressed. That list helped me to recognize and change some thought patterns that were causing real discouragement in my daily activities.”

The Power to Attract More Light into Our Lives

In the paradigm of light and energy, negative or “low vibration” belief systems weigh down our mind-body system. Based upon the law of attraction, negativity cleaveth to more negativity (See Doctrine and Covenants 88:40). Negative thoughts create negative emotions, which lead to negative behaviors. A common negative behavior that stems from “low-vibration” thinking is eating junk food. When we are feeling negative, we may be attracted to “low vibration” television programs, such as contentious reality shows or programs that revel in criminal behavior. We may be more likely to criticize or fight with our loved ones. More and more, we find ourselves stuck in cycles of negativity that are fueled by self-defeating thought patterns. On the other hand, when our thought patterns are more positive, we feel better emotionally and we are more able to solve problems, more able to resist and uninspiring entertainment, and more able to resist unhealthy junk food. Recognizing destructive beliefs is a powerful way to regain control of our lives when we are struggling with depression!

More On Where Our Thoughts Come From

It is important not to judge ourselves harshly for thoughts that come into our minds. Some thought patterns are established and reinforced by early life experiences that may have been out of our control, such as chronic verbal criticism from parents or bullying from peers. Thought patterns, like depression, can be passed on from one generation to the next; they can be learned and reinforced in our family relationships.

We don’t go through mortality in a vacuum either—Satan’s best tool is putting thoughts into our minds. Darla shares: “A Meridian reader, Charles, who lives in Paris, France, told me of an experience with an Armenian American woman, who was set apart by the General Authorities to gather genealogical and historical data concerning the Armenian people. She would travel across the world and meet prominent people of the Armenian community to solicit their support. Charles said, “This woman confided to me that any time she was about to go on a trip, she was invaded by depressing thoughts, including voices that would tell her something like, ‘you are no good and do not deserve to live, etc.’ Then, as soon as the plane had taken off, those dark thoughts/feelings would simply vanish! I’ve noticed that anytime I’m on the brink of something really good, I too am especially inclined to be under siege from the adversary.”

Individuals who are depressed have undoubtedly learned to accept some thoughts planted by Satan as truth. For example, “This situation is hopeless.” Once we believe these false messages, we look for experiences which will reinforce them and prove that they are “true.” In professional lingo, this is called “self-verifying” or “self-fulfilling prophecy.” For example, Satan may whisper that if we are having problems in our marriage, it means we have failed in our efforts to live good lives, period. Believing that we only succeed when our marriage is going well, we berate ourselves with negative thinking every time a problem arises. Then, to continue to prove that we do not deserve success since our marital problems are not totally resolved, we unconsciously continue the same behaviors that contribute to our marital distress.

Since much of our negative thinking is unconscious, we need to pray for God to help us increase awareness of harmful beliefs. Forgiveness and repentance are healing processes that help us to have a “change of heart” or a change in the way we view ourselves and others. Although some issues may require the help of priesthood leaders or professionals, our Savior wants to be our partner, our First Source. As we give our thoughts to Him, He will help us reframe them with light and truth.

Can We Take ALL Our Thoughts to the Savior, Not Just the Good Stuff?

Sometimes we think we need to “sugar coat” our thoughts and feelings and that we are disrespectful if we express our honest negative perceptions and emotions to the Lord.

0 Comments