He Did Deliver Me from Bondage
by Colleen C. Harrison
Blessed are All the Peacemakers (3 Nephi 12:9)
Part 1
Step Nine: Made restitution directly to those we had harmed, confessing our own wrongdoing in each instance except when to do so would further injure them or others. (Mosiah 27:35; 3 Nephi 12:25; Mosiah 26:30)
Principle Nine: The establishment of Zion begins with a mighty change in my own heart and then extends to others as I act to amend all past wrongs.
Living the principles we have covered so far in this course will have the effect of establishing Zion within each participant’s heart. In fact, that establishment began back in the first three principles through which we dethroned ourselves and any other earthly idols, and enthroned in our hearts the Lord God of Israel, even Jesus the Christ.
Then we moved on through the next five principles, each requiring some change either in heart or in action, or both, which cleansed this newly consecrated kingdom within us. During this process, quietly and automatically, Zion has been established within each willing heart. There is an ever-growing desire to be of one heart and one mind within oneself-and to have that one heart and one mind be one with God. While the “multitude” of “voices” that a person has always been subject to hearing within are allowed to remain, the individual actually heeds only those that profess love of God and oneness with His mind and will.
In the last principle, we discussed willingness, especially willingness to let go of pride and fear and to approach all those whom we have wronged or who have wronged us with the offer of forgiveness and healing. In the principle we are considering in this discussion, we will have the opportunity to act upon that willingness. We will have the opportunity to participate in “healing the nations” and spreading Zion beyond the confines of our own heart. More about that in a minute. First let’s recheck the condition of Zion within ourselves.
The Ability to Walk Peaceably with Others Begins Within
One of the most curious phenomena I have experienced as I’ve gone through this process of change is to realize that I no longer fight with anyone, not even the dissident voices within me. I don’t heed them, but at the same time, I don’t fight with them either. I used to think I had to throw them all out or even wrestle to the death with some of them.
You know which voices I mean, don’t you? I mean the “voices” on that “committee” that participates in all our thoughts. Lots of people sit on that “committee.” Every significant other from our past (father, mother, siblings, friends, teachers, etc.) has left a voice behind. I spent the better part of my first 37 years wrestling with those voices, being blown about, in a sense, by every “wind of opinion”-and none of them mine, or God’s. Little did I know that in my zealous fighting of evil, I was doing exactly what evil wanted me to do. I was ignoring the joy along the way. I was like a person who spent the whole trip through the breathtaking splendor of the Grand Canyon focused on an annoying fly in the car. Halfway through the journey I realized that if I didn’t let go of the fly, I would miss the whole reason for being here-to participate in the joy of God’s purpose.
I ceased trying to eliminate the “fly” or the dissident voices on my committee. I even allowed them their turn to speak. To deny them would not be Zion-for Zion loves all, accepts all as they are. I just didn’t argue with them anymore. I just plain didn’t heed their input.
And so inner peace must be established first. We must go around to each voice on our committee, and say something like “I recognize you have a right to be, to exist. God allowed you to be on my committee. There must be something I can benefit from by having had you established in my memory. God accepts you the way you are, allows your attitudes and choices to be just as you want them, but He doesn’t pay any attention to the lies you still believe and speak. He recognizes them for what they are and goes on with His own work. I desire to be like Him in every way. I see today that I cannot bind you with force, with hand-to-hand combat. As I struggle to destroy you, I have wasted my precious time, when instead, I should be preparing to meet God, preparing to live in a state of peace and joy.”
Thus a mighty change of heart automatically changes people’s dispositions. They no longer want to “fix” other people. They no longer desire to do evil (separate themselves from the Spirit of God) by taking the privilege of judgment unto themselves, by making themselves the judge, jury and executioner of justice toward other people. Their walk with others becomes peaceable, not adversarial. It becomes accepting and understanding.
Moroni taught that this is one of the ways you may know those who have “a sufficient hope” and have entered into “the rest of the Lord.”
And now my brethren, I judge these things of you because of your peaceable walk with the children of men. (Moroni 7:4)
In so many words he is saying: “I can recognize those of you who have been born again in Christ, who have obtained sufficient hope for yourselves and others, because you know His atonement is great enough to redeem all as soon as they’re ready. I recognize you because you walk peaceably with others, loving them, accepting them as they are, and not judging them.”
As we go forth to make amends to others, we need to retain this spirit in our hearts. We need to remember plainly that we are not out to “clean their plow” but to clean our own. We have stopped judging others and fixing others, setting them straight, taking their inventory. We are about our own business, and that is to become in deed what we are inside-the children of God. Our objective is not to go to others and say, “You have hurt me and I forgive you” in a condescending manner. Our objective is to say, “I have retained a lot of self-pity and defensiveness over this problem between us, and I need to apologize for that.”
There’s Peace and Then There’s Peace
As we pursue this process of seeking peace through amends, we must beware of Satan’s counterfeit peace. Believe me, he has a counterfeit, and he does a good job of passing it off as sufficient. It’s the peace that seems easy, that seems cheap, and that’s really a lie. It’s the kind of peace where you cover up, pretend, and “act as if” indefinitely. It’s the outward peace that we’re willing to purchase at the price of Christ’s true inner peace. Satan’s brand of peace is the kind that has a veneer of “fineness,” which covers up a lifetime of pain and regret with obsession and compulsion.
Many of us have lived our lives, either consciously or unconsciously, by the philosophy that we need to maintain “peace at any price.” The only problem is that when that outward peace has been purchased by denying and avoiding our real feelings, we have paid far too high a price. As we have discussed before, the suppression of feelings is an across-the-board phenomenon. If we turn down the volume on some feelings, then all are affected; those that are the stillest and smallest, the most refined, are often lost entirely. And since feelings are the channel through which we receive the words or whisperings of the Spirit, Satan has us right where he wants us-hiding feelings of shame, anger, pain, and resentment, and thus tuning ourself out from the personal experience of God’s love and guidance.
We should always beware of any voice, whether internal or external, that counsels us to deny our true feelings, that would advise us to be dishonest in the name of keeping peace, of caring what others might think, that twists the meaning of “avoiding the appearance of evil” to suppress honesty and truth.
We each need to ask ourselves honestly, if in the attempt to avoid the appearance of evil, we have settled for only the appearance of peace.
The voice of the Lord will always admonish you to be gentle, but never, never dishonest. The spirit of lying and the Spirit of Christ are never compatible.
Brass Tacks-Who Do We Go To?
Old-timers at this process have discovered three categories of amends to make; there are three lists to be made. The third one is short if not easy, so we’ll leave it until last. The first two are usually longer. These two lists are easily generated from the inventory process we did in principle four. One list is of all the people we have harmed; the other is a list of all the people who have harmed us.
We come prayerfully before the Lord, seeking the Holy Ghost to teach us the truth, and we ask for personal revelation to guide us. We ask for the gifts of discernment and wisdom, and we begin to write our list. We include everyone we can think of, no matter how small the transgression, no matter how much the rational part of our mind wants to say, “Oh, that’s no big deal.” Even the little boy in third grade who pulled our ponytails all the time or called us “fatty” or “four-eyes.” Or maybe it was we who were pulling hair or calling names. We put everyone on these lists. Why? Because we are going to make amends directly where possible and indirectly otherwise. We’re going to sit down and write that little boy a letter:
Dear Little Boy,
You probably don’t remember me and I don’t even know where you are, but I know you are somewhere. I need to tell you I forgive you. I need to tell you that I know today that you were probably hurting inside yourself when you said those things to me. In fact, now I recall how angry your dad looked all the time, how your mom was sick all the time.
You see, if we want to be thorough, we need to be thorough. In fact, it might be a good idea to save all these letters we write as a sign of our faith and our willingness to make amends if the chance should ever present itself in the future.
I’m Scared. I’m Stuck. Where Do I Get the Power?
Hopefully, going through this course of study has shifted your dependency for power from yourself to God. Hopefully, by now you automatically think of God first when you come upon a situation where a lack of power is obvious.
Only love of God will give us the power to approach other people in this amends process. It is love of God that motivates people to do this kind of peacemaking-not love of other people. When we love and want His good favor more than the favor of others, we will lay aside all our fear and prejudice and go to any length to thoroughly right all wrongs.
Yea, I say unto you come and fear not, and lay aside every sin, which easily doth beset you, which doth bind you down to destruction, yea, come and go forth, and show unto your God that ye are willing to repent of your sins [and take action based on your repentance]. (Alma 7:15; emphasis added)
Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is to love Christ purely, and in return, to receive the gift of His love for others. This gift of love and power from Christ Himself will overcome our fear of going to others. If we will pray for the gift of His love, to be able to feel about others the way the Lord does, we will be able to transcend any barrier that keeps us from coming to peace with everyone.
The second half of this chapter will be posted next week.
He Did Deliver Me from Bondage can be found at most LDS bookstores or purchased online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com
2004 Meridian Magazine. All Rights Reserved.