Putting The Pieces Together: True Stories of Overcoming Depression

This is the ninth installment in an on-going series on depression. Click on the links below to read earlier articles in this series:

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII

In this ninth article in our series, we share personal stories from individuals who have overcome depression using the tools we have shared. Their solutions have not been a “one-size-fits-all,” but a unique combination of puzzle pieces that came through prayer, trial and error, and persistence. If your life feels weighed down without solutions, there is a path to happier living that has been prepared for each individual who is honestly ready for real solutions. These stories are living proof! We have changed the names of these individuals to protect their privacy.

Julie’s Personal Story: Putting Medication in Its Proper Place

Julie first experienced depression after the birth of her 3^rd child. She had a strong genetic predisposition for depression. Several siblings and parents were being treated for depression, so the onset of depression symptoms was no surprise. At the time Julie first experienced her symptoms, her doctor knew no other way to help her other than to prescribe Paxil. [i] For Julie, this medication allowed her to care for her children without the rage that caused her to endanger their safety.

At times, Julie wondered if she was committing some kind of “sin” by medicating herself. She had all the common doubts about her worthiness and capacity to be faithful. Julie finally came to the conclusion that the worst sin of all would be to verbally and physically abuse her children and the medication stabilized her emotions enough to prevent those behaviors. Julie had three more children who were all born while she was taking Paxil.

While she was on the medication, Julie reflects that she was aware of how the medication was affecting her. First, it had the side effect of diminishing her sexual drive which tested her marriage. It also caused her to feel emotionally “numb” at times, which meant that being sensitive to the Spirit was more difficult for her. She also had to watch for signs of being “over-medicated” and adjust her dosage to compensate for this.

Julie shares that she was very careful to maintain awareness of these medication side effects and pray for extra help to combat them. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the repentance and forgiveness which bring great blessings of emotional healing. She feels it is important for patients to be “self-directed,” and find the balance between self-reliance and being wholly dependent on the doctor’s opinion.

Many times in the ten years Julie was on medication she wanted to wean herself off. She believed that she could not fulfill her potential if she remained dependent upon medication, yet she didn’t believe she could function well without it. She learned that she had to trust God’s timing; she reasoned, “Heavenly Father knows my desire: I have to trust that He will help me when the time is right.”

When Julie finally began the process of getting off medication, she first began to build her nutritional health by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and by taking triple doses of Juice Plus. (Juice Plus is a whole food, fruit and vegetable supplement.) She also began a vigorous exercise regimen. Julie enlisted the support of her family, “I let everybody know that I was going to get off my medication and asked them to help me monitor the changes that might occur in case I was not aware. I knew how scary I could be.”

In addition to initiating a serious nutritional and exercise regimen, Julie received assistance from a professional counselor. Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), journaling, and other methods, Julie was able to challenge unhealthy family patterns and heal old wounds. Despite a strong genetic tendency for depression, Julie experienced relief from depression symptoms. She feels that her Savior was her partner every step of the way. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the need for repentance and forgiveness. Medication is no substitute for learning new skills, healing personal wounds, and making lifestyle changes.

Julie has been “depression-free” for the past eight years. She continues her efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To maintain her emotional health, Julie is continually aware of her emotional warning signs. Julie knows that she is beginning a downward cycle when she feels “low grade orneriness.” If Julie finds that her “mean feeling” does not go away, she begins taking a natural mood and serotonin-building supplement, 5-HTP. She also watches for signs that she needs to do some deeper emotional work and schedules a “tune-up” session with her counselor.

Marin: Being Patient with Progress

Marin has had depression for ten years. Like Julie, her first signs of depression came in the form of post-partum depression. As Marin looked at her life, she simply could not understand why she felt so miserable:

I had a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. I had my best semester in college yet, while on bed rest, and pulled straight A's in all my classes. I had wonderful friends that supported me in all that I did. But the feeling of despair was so deep and so overwhelming that I finally decided it was time to change my life. I discussed this with my husband and then went to the counseling center at the college. They verified that it was postpartum depression and that it was nothing to be ashamed of having. It was not my fault, it was not something I could have foreseen or prevented. I then went to my OB for a postpartum appointment and as I told him what I had been going through and about my visit with the counselor, he just smiled and told me how proud he was of me to take these steps. He prescribed a medicine for me and told me that this was the cast for my depression. Just as a broken leg can't heal without a cast to keep it stable, I wouldn't be able to heal from the depression without something to stabilize the chemical imbalance. I also started visiting with a counselor and my life started to become what I had always hoped it would be. I started to make progress and started feeling more joy more often. I had hope.

Like many others who have suffered from depression, Marin did not find complete relief from medication. In fact, over the next seven years, Marin’s moods were up and down. After her sixth child was a year old, she once again found herself unable to get out of bed. She found a trusted counselor and began weekly counseling sessions for a period of four months. Along with individual counseling, marital counseling helped her husband to understand her needs better and know how to support her.  Marin shares:

These sessions were filled with digging deep into what makes me tick. She [the counselor] provided opportunities to learn skills to help when life is hard. I cried, I laughed, I learned.

Marin’s counselor worked with Marin’s physician to help her obtain a 10,000 lux light box  so she could have light box therapy for 30 minutes per day. (Light boxes are inexpensive but a very effective way to address depression, especially for those who have Seasonal Affective Disorder or the “winter blues.”) Marin also began taking nutritional supplements to boost the “feel good” chemicals in her brain based upon her counselor’s and doctor’s recommendation.

Today, Marin is medication-free. She is not free from having days that are “low,” but she has much hope because she has more productive days than in previous years.

How do I accomplish this? First, it is a day-by-day effort. I need to be prepared everyday for whatever my emotions are going to be and then tackle them in appropriate ways. Second, I am learning to anticipate days that may be a little more difficult by watching for my triggers. For example, I just got back from a wonderful but emotionally packed and physically taxing “vacation” where I was able to take care of a brand new niece. I know that after something like this, I need to take care of myself because I will drop. When I know this then I am not so hard on myself for not doing everything I know needs to be done. I also let my support system know that I am going through this recovery time and so they can give me the extra support that I need

Third, I have started an exercise program with some friends. It is tough to get up early in the morning, but I can do it three times a week because I know that people are counting on me to be there. My husband made the comment the other day that he feels that a miracle has taken place because I get up on my own and go exercise. I agree, it was a miracle because getting up in the morning is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish for someone that suffers from depression. I came across a saying the other day, "I am just one exercise routine away from a good mood.” You hear it all the time that exercise is best for overcoming depression, and it is true.

Fourth, I have established a support system. For instance, it really helps me when I am feeling down for my husband to talk to me and tell me he recognizes that I am feeling down but he wants to remind me all the aspects of my life I have improved on. The support system is important mostly as a listening ear, not trying to solve problems. It helps me to get my emotions off my chest, even when most can't be solved, just expressed.

Fifth, I have some skills available that I can turn to that give me some relief. One example is relaxing music. I have learned the type of music that helps ease my emotions. I also need some ME time where I do what I want without beating myself up for not doing stuff that I feel needs to be done. The daily tasks will wait but I will not be productive if I try to do them when my emotions are at a low.

Sixth and most important is that I never give up! I know I can do it because I have support systems not only here but on the other side of the veil: people who love me and know me better then I know myself. If I remember these things, I can enjoy life to the end!

Lorena’s Story: Learning to Change Depressive Thoughts

Lorena has experienced clinical depression most of her adult life. From childhood, she remembers a persistent feeling of wanting to go “home,” to die and “get out of this life.” She thought everyone had feelings of “grey misery” and did not realize that these were symptoms of severe depression. Yet, her conviction that she would thwart her eternal progression kept her from committing suicide. In addition to depression, Lorena has been diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and severe ADHD.

Pervasive in Lorena’s life were feelings of injustice and abandonment caused by painful experiences with family members and two ex-husbands who had been unfaithful. She suffered from constant feelings of worthlessness. Lorena’s thoughts were dominated by agonizing thoughts about the injustice in the world:

I agonized about injustices done to my friends 20 years ago, injustices I read about in the paper, heard on the news, even read about in novels! The images and memories of all these injustices and unkindness done to me and done by me, cycled and recycled obsessively in my mind during the day, or pounced on me during momentary wakefulness in the night. To make matters worse, it has often seemed as if evil spirits were standing at my shoulder repeating into my ear how worthless and unwanted I was.

After receiving a priesthood blessing, Lorena was eventually led to seek professional help. She was put on medication, which helped her to feel better than she could ever remember.

WOW! Within days my world changed! I remember thinking: Is this what happiness feels like? I don’t remember being happy like this since I was a child. This is wonderful!! I like being alive! I don’t wish I could die! I love people, and I can see they love me back! Isn’t the sky blue! Don’t the mockingbirds sing gloriously! Don’t I have a great job!

Unfortunately, Lorena had unbearable side effects when she had to take increasingly stronger doses of medication—side effects that caused health risks. Upon the advice of her doctor, Lorena stopped taking anti-depressants and once again re-experienced symptoms of depression. Lorena shares:

I went to the Lord, explaining that everything medical science and I could do was useless for me. He was my only resort. I had done all I could do, and I needed Him to come through with hope for my hopelessness. After much prayer, fasting and pondering, I looked back at the source of the depression, and realized that somehow I had to get rid of the negative thought patterns. I was also haunted by the scripture that we must not only learn in life to control our actions, but that our very thoughts could condemn us.

The strategies Lorena was led to, which continue to help her triumph over despairing thoughts, include:

She initiated her quest with a priesthood blessing and continues to receive priesthood blessings when extra help is needed.

She courageously and honestly challenged the “payoffs” she received from victim thinking. She realized that by focusing on all the wrongs done to her, she was trying to prove that she was somehow “purer” than others.She thought that if she suffered enough, by perpetuating her own misery, that she would prove that others were wrong and she was good and innocent. Despite her realization that these thoughts were not logical, they were very enticing emotionally. She said, “It’s a completely unreasonable temptation of Satan, trying to destroy us with the delicious taste of self-pity.”

Another critical realization for Lorena was a core belief that she was trying to pay the price for her own sins through perpetual suffering. Why wait for God’s punishments? I can do it now and get it over with, and aren’t I a good girl for taking it upon myself!”

Now Lorena prays throughout her day for help with negative thoughts that tempt her to begin down the slippery slope of negative, victim-thinking. She has learned, “Never allow negative thoughts to stay in my mind, ever! PERIOD!” When negative thoughts come, she literally casts them out. To claim daily joy, Lorena has learned to remain vigilant. She shares, “I don’t make allowance for saying or thinking any negative thoughts about any thing, at any time, in any place, or about any person. I do my best to stop critical thoughts in their tracks.” She has gained a firm testimony that God has helped her to overcome her depression, and that through personal revelation, she will continue to receive the help she needs.

Peggy adds: We now know that persistent, intrusive thoughts can be more problematic when we are deficient in the “feel good” brain chemicals. Article 7 in our series gives resources for natural solutions to this problem. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is also a good resource to help “rewire” the brain’s habitual thought patterns. These tools can bring additional armor to the spiritual resources described by Lorena.

Penny: Recognizing the Need for Change

Healing from depression required this sister to take a hard look at her limitations and make some difficult choices.

I am aware of many individuals (including myself) who have gone to their doctor to complain that their medication is no longer effective. They request new meds without even considering other factors that may be involved. Due to the unpleasant and sometimes dangerous side effects of medications (such as headaches, lack of emotion, constipation, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, sometimes even depression and suicidal ideation) we would be better served by first looking to other factors that may have contributed to our problems.

In my case, I was emphatic that my antidepressant was no longer working. My depression had come back in full force and I was beginning to fantasize how I could escape overwhelming stress. Fortunately, I had a psychiatrist that asked what was going on in my life instead of reaching for his prescription pad. I reported that I was trying to hold down a job, my fibromyalgia was not under control, and I was trying to care for my mother-in-law who had Alzheimer’s (and was grieving the loss of her husband—over and over again). Sleep deprivation soon became an issue and the list went on and on.

This caring doctor asked to speak to my husband and explained that anyone dealing with this kind of stress and pain would be feeling out of control. He went so far as to say that my husband had to make a choice between having me (with any semblance of mental health) or continue to care for his mother in our home and lose me. The situation really was that desperate. As a result, my medication was not changed and my husband devised a plan that allowed me to heal. I am so grateful I didn’t have to go through the expense and grueling side effects of new meds.

I often wonder if doctors are too quick to start their patients on antidepressants (especially children) before analyzing other factors that may contribute to complaints. Sometimes one medication will have harsh side effects so another med is given to counteract those effects until a person has multiple medications (along with an increased financial burden, which increases anxiety and more depressed feelings, which leads us right back to the doctor!) but mood may continue to be unstable since other factors were not adequately explored and dealt with. It can become a vicious cycle.

Medication alone can never take the place of the hard work at overcoming multiplex factors which keep the brain at risk for addictions and mood disorders.

Peggy: Learning to Use the Many Tools in My Toolbox

Like many of you, I also have a genetic predisposition to depression and a very stressful life that can drain the “feel good chemicals” from my body. I have been blessed by the very solutions that we have shared in this series. I do not judge others who must rely upon anti-depressants, but knew that my solution must be found elsewhere when I was first confronted with depression symptoms.

I continue to be amazed at the resources the Lord placed in my path when I first experienced depression in my 40s. Over an eight-year period I was led to one tool after another. Many books were pivotal for me, particularly, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen Harrison and Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle. I took many workshops and experienced a time of self-discovery. I increased my knowledge of coping skills and learned to recognize my unhealthy thought patterns.

When I first began to learn about “energy-based” therapies, they were not at all well known in the LDS culture. I prayed often to make sure that I was not being led astray, but always felt a confirmation that I was headed in the right direction. In addition to EFT, I also benefited greatly from Rapid Eye Therapy (RET). [ii] Now, as a professional, I celebrate the new science of energy psychology and the wonderful science of integrative mental health that supports the role of nutrition and truly living the Word of Wisdom. The motto I have in my business states my conviction: “Every storm has a refuge.”

I have learned to make peace with my body and to listen to the messages my body gives me. By doing this, I know what tools to pull from my tool box each day. Here is a list of the tools that I use on a regular basis based upon my specific daily needs. Not only have these tools helped me to become free from depression, but they support overall well-being and help me to combat a familial tendency for diabetes, hypoglycemia, and sugar addiction:

• Prayer, Scripture Study, Journaling
• Mindfulness, Meditation
• Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
• Yoga, Exercise, Massage Therapy
• 5-HTP, and other supplements including L-Tyrosine, L-Glutamine, and a high potency multi-vitamin formula called Glucobalance by Biotics Research
• Juice Plus, Green Smoothies, and strict attention to nutrition; I never drink soda and work hard to avoid sugar which has made a huge difference!
• Regular sleep, 7 to 8 hours
• Essential oils, particularly a daily detox of 1 drop lemon oil, 1 drop of peppermint oil in a glass of water
• 6-8 glasses of water per day
• Build something fun and nurturing into every day.
• Give meaningful service to others, as I feel inspired.
  

A final thought that I would offer is that I have learned to face the hard truths in my life and not bury them. The “truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Personal honesty and willingness to look at the “hard things” allows me to keep confront limiting beliefs that stand in the way of fulfillment and personal growth. I resist negative self-talk and accept the encouragement the Lord offers me continually. If an issue comes up, I recognize it, deal with it, and move on.

Conclusion

We hope you will take the opportunity to look back on the information in this series and keep praying for guidance in regard to which tools are right for you. The next article will conclude this series with a reminder of our spiritual roots: “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look . . . ” (2 Nephi 25:26) We look to Christ not only for a remission of our sins but for the ultimate answers to life’s dilemmas and for the ability to live in the fruits of the Spirit, which are “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23), instead of depression. Watch for it. 

Notes:

Darla and Peggy first collaborated when Darla became the Covenant Communications editor of Peggy’s first book, Becoming Women of Strength nearly twenty years ago. That book is out of print, but still available on Amazon.com

Peggy A. McFarland, MS, NCC, practices in Oregon as an integrative mental health counselor, and also serves as an early morning seminary teacher. Peggy earned her BS degree in social work from Brigham Young University and a master’s degree in mental health counseling from Capella University. She utilizes Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT ) in her practice and is the creator of the The Light Point Healing Center www.thelightpoint.org.Peggy has written a values-based curriculum to help girls develop positive body image during the transition of puberty, entitled Healthy Transitions for Girls. This curriculum is a valuable resource for parents and professionals. For more information on this resource visit Peggy’s website www.healthytransitionsforgirls.com 

Exciting announcement. Darla’s well-received book of comfort for those grieving a suicide is now available as an e-book in two formats: Kindle from Amazon.com and Nook from Barnes and Noble Nook Books.

To learn more about Darla and her books, Trust God No Matter What! and After My Son’s Suicide: An LDS Mother Finds Comfort in Christ and Strength to Go On, visit her website: darlaisackson.com.

This is the ninth installment in an on-going series on depression. Click on the links below to read earlier articles in this series:

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII

In this ninth article in our series, we share personal stories from individuals who have overcome depression using the tools we have shared. Their solutions have not been a “one-size-fits-all,” but a unique combination of puzzle pieces that came through prayer, trial and error, and persistence. If your life feels weighed down without solutions, there is a path to happier living that has been prepared for each individual who is honestly ready for real solutions. These stories are living proof! We have changed the names of these individuals to protect their privacy.

Julie’s Personal Story: Putting Medication in Its Proper Place

Julie first experienced depression after the birth of her 3^rd child. She had a strong genetic predisposition for depression. Several siblings and parents were being treated for depression, so the onset of depression symptoms was no surprise. At the time Julie first experienced her symptoms, her doctor knew no other way to help her other than to prescribe Paxil. [i] For Julie, this medication allowed her to care for her children without the rage that caused her to endanger their safety.

At times, Julie wondered if she was committing some kind of “sin” by medicating herself. She had all the common doubts about her worthiness and capacity to be faithful. Julie finally came to the conclusion that the worst sin of all would be to verbally and physically abuse her children and the medication stabilized her emotions enough to prevent those behaviors. Julie had three more children who were all born while she was taking Paxil.

While she was on the medication, Julie reflects that she was aware of how the medication was affecting her. First, it had the side effect of diminishing her sexual drive which tested her marriage. It also caused her to feel emotionally “numb” at times, which meant that being sensitive to the Spirit was more difficult for her. She also had to watch for signs of being “over-medicated” and adjust her dosage to compensate for this.

Julie shares that she was very careful to maintain awareness of these medication side effects and pray for extra help to combat them. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the repentance and forgiveness which bring great blessings of emotional healing. She feels it is important for patients to be “self-directed,” and find the balance between self-reliance and being wholly dependent on the doctor’s opinion.

Many times in the ten years Julie was on medication she wanted to wean herself off. She believed that she could not fulfill her potential if she remained dependent upon medication, yet she didn’t believe she could function well without it. She learned that she had to trust God’s timing; she reasoned, “Heavenly Father knows my desire: I have to trust that He will help me when the time is right.”

When Julie finally began the process of getting off medication, she first began to build her nutritional health by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and by taking triple doses of Juice Plus. (Juice Plus is a whole food, fruit and vegetable supplement.) She also began a vigorous exercise regimen. Julie enlisted the support of her family, “I let everybody know that I was going to get off my medication and asked them to help me monitor the changes that might occur in case I was not aware. I knew how scary I could be.”

In addition to initiating a serious nutritional and exercise regimen, Julie received assistance from a professional counselor. Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), journaling, and other methods, Julie was able to challenge unhealthy family patterns and heal old wounds. Despite a strong genetic tendency for depression, Julie experienced relief from depression symptoms. She feels that her Savior was her partner every step of the way. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the need for repentance and forgiveness. Medication is no substitute for learning new skills, healing personal wounds, and making lifestyle changes.

Julie has been “depression-free” for the past eight years. She continues her efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To maintain her emotional health, Julie is continually aware of her emotional warning signs. Julie knows that she is beginning a downward cycle when she feels “low grade orneriness.” If Julie finds that her “mean feeling” does not go away, she begins taking a natural mood and serotonin-building supplement, 5-HTP. She also watches for signs that she needs to do some deeper emotional work and schedules a “tune-up” session with her counselor.

Marin: Being Patient with Progress

Marin has had depression for ten years. Like Julie, her first signs of depression came in the form of post-partum depression. As Marin looked at her life, she simply could not understand why she felt so miserable:

I had a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. I had my best semester in college yet, while on bed rest, and pulled straight A's in all my classes. I had wonderful friends that supported me in all that I did. But the feeling of despair was so deep and so overwhelming that I finally decided it was time to change my life. I discussed this with my husband and then went to the counseling center at the college. They verified that it was postpartum depression and that it was nothing to be ashamed of having. It was not my fault, it was not something I could have foreseen or prevented. I then went to my OB for a postpartum appointment and as I told him what I had been going through and about my visit with the counselor, he just smiled and told me how proud he was of me to take these steps. He prescribed a medicine for me and told me that this was the cast for my depression. Just as a broken leg can't heal without a cast to keep it stable, I wouldn't be able to heal from the depression without something to stabilize the chemical imbalance. I also started visiting with a counselor and my life started to become what I had always hoped it would be. I started to make progress and started feeling more joy more often. I had hope.

Like many others who have suffered from depression, Marin did not find complete relief from medication. In fact, over the next seven years, Marin’s moods were up and down. After her sixth child was a year old, she once again found herself unable to get out of bed. She found a trusted counselor and began weekly counseling sessions for a period of four months. Along with individual counseling, marital counseling helped her husband to understand her needs better and know how to support her.  Marin shares:

These sessions were filled with digging deep into what makes me tick. She [the counselor] provided opportunities to learn skills to help when life is hard. I cried, I laughed, I learned.

Marin’s counselor worked with Marin’s physician to help her obtain a 10,000 lux light box  so she could have light box therapy for 30 minutes per day. (Light boxes are inexpensive but a very effective way to address depression, especially for those who have Seasonal Affective Disorder or the “winter blues.”) Marin also began taking nutritional supplements to boost the “feel good” chemicals in her brain based upon her counselor’s and doctor’s recommendation.

Today, Marin is medication-free. She is not free from having days that are “low,” but she has much hope because she has more productive days than in previous years.

How do I accomplish this? First, it is a day-by-day effort. I need to be prepared everyday for whatever my emotions are going to be and then tackle them in appropriate ways. Second, I am learning to anticipate days that may be a little more difficult by watching for my triggers. For example, I just got back from a wonderful but emotionally packed and physically taxing “vacation” where I was able to take care of a brand new niece. I know that after something like this, I need to take care of myself because I will drop. When I know this then I am not so hard on myself for not doing everything I know needs to be done. I also let my support system know that I am going through this recovery time and so they can give me the extra support that I need

Third, I have started an exercise program with some friends. It is tough to get up early in the morning, but I can do it three times a week because I know that people are counting on me to be there. My husband made the comment the other day that he feels that a miracle has taken place because I get up on my own and go exercise. I agree, it was a miracle because getting up in the morning is one of the hardest tasks to accomplish for someone that suffers from depression. I came across a saying the other day, "I am just one exercise routine away from a good mood.” You hear it all the time that exercise is best for overcoming depression, and it is true.

Fourth, I have established a support system. For instance, it really helps me when I am feeling down for my husband to talk to me and tell me he recognizes that I am feeling down but he wants to remind me all the aspects of my life I have improved on. The support system is important mostly as a listening ear, not trying to solve problems. It helps me to get my emotions off my chest, even when most can't be solved, just expressed.

Fifth, I have some skills available that I can turn to that give me some relief. One example is relaxing music. I have learned the type of music that helps ease my emotions. I also need some ME time where I do what I want without beating myself up for not doing stuff that I feel needs to be done. The daily tasks will wait but I will not be productive if I try to do them when my emotions are at a low.

Sixth and most important is that I never give up! I know I can do it because I have support systems not only here but on the other side of the veil: people who love me and know me better then I know myself. If I remember these things, I can enjoy life to the end!

Lorena’s Story: Learning to Change Depressive Thoughts

Lorena has experienced clinical depression most of her adult life. From childhood, she remembers a persistent feeling of wanting to go “home,” to die and “get out of this life.” She thought everyone had feelings of “grey misery” and did not realize that these were symptoms of severe depression. Yet, her conviction that she would thwart her eternal progression kept her from committing suicide. In addition to depression, Lorena has been diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and severe ADHD.

Pervasive in Lorena’s life were feelings of injustice and abandonment caused by painful experiences with family members and two ex-husbands who had been unfaithful. She suffered from constant feelings of worthlessness. Lorena’s thoughts were dominated by agonizing thoughts about the injustice in the world:

I agonized about injustices done to my friends 20 years ago, injustices I read about in the paper, heard on the news, even read about in novels! The images and memories of all these injustices and unkindness done to me and done by me, cycled and recycled obsessively in my mind during the day, or pounced on me during momentary wakefulness in the night. To make matters worse, it has often seemed as if evil spirits were standing at my shoulder repeating into my ear how worthless and unwanted I was.

After receiving a priesthood blessing, Lorena was eventually led to seek professional help. She was put on medication, which helped her to feel better than she could ever remember.

WOW! Within days my world changed! I remember thinking: Is this what happiness feels like? I don’t remember being happy like this since I was a child. This is wonderful!! I like being alive! I don’t wish I could die! I love people, and I can see they love me back! Isn’t the sky blue! Don’t the mockingbirds sing gloriously! Don’t I have a great job!

Unfortunately, Lorena had unbearable side effects when she had to take increasingly stronger doses of medication—side effects that caused health risks. Upon the advice of her doctor, Lorena stopped taking anti-depressants and once again re-experienced symptoms of depression. Lorena shares:

I went to the Lord, explaining that everything medical science and I could do was useless for me. He was my only resort. I had done all I could do, and I needed Him to come through with hope for my hopelessness. After much prayer, fasting and pondering, I looked back at the source of the depression, and realized that somehow I had to get rid of the negative thought patterns. I was also haunted by the scripture that we must not only learn in life to control our actions, but that our very thoughts could condemn us.

The strategies Lorena was led to, which continue to help her triumph over despairing thoughts, include:

She initiated her quest with a priesthood blessing and continues to receive priesthood blessings when extra help is needed.

She courageously and honestly challenged the “payoffs” she received from victim thinking. She realized that by focusing on all the wrongs done to her, she was trying to prove that she was somehow “purer” than others.She thought that if she suffered enough, by perpetuating her own misery, that she would prove that others were wrong and she was good and innocent. Despite her realization that these thoughts were not logical, they were very enticing emotionally. She said, “It’s a completely unreasonable temptation of Satan, trying to destroy us with the delicious taste of self-pity.”

Another critical realization for Lorena was a core belief that she was trying to pay the price for her own sins through perpetual suffering. Why wait for God’s punishments? I can do it now and get it over with, and aren’t I a good girl for taking it upon myself!”

Now Lorena prays throughout her day for help with negative thoughts that tempt her to begin down the slippery slope of negative, victim-thinking. She has learned, “Never allow negative thoughts to stay in my mind, ever! PERIOD!” When negative thoughts come, she literally casts them out. To claim daily joy, Lorena has learned to remain vigilant. She shares, “I don’t make allowance for saying or thinking any negative thoughts about any thing, at any time, in any place, or about any person. I do my best to stop critical thoughts in their tracks.” She has gained a firm testimony that God has helped her to overcome her depression, and that through personal revelation, she will continue to receive the help she needs.

Peggy adds: We now know that persistent, intrusive thoughts can be more problematic when we are deficient in the “feel good” brain chemicals. Article 7 in our series gives resources for natural solutions to this problem. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is also a good resource to help “rewire” the brain’s habitual thought patterns. These tools can bring additional armor to the spiritual resources described by Lorena.

Penny: Recognizing the Need for Change

Healing from depression required this sister to take a hard look at her limitations and make some difficult choices.

I am aware of many individuals (including myself) who have gone to their doctor to complain that their medication is no longer effective. They request new meds without even considering other factors that may be involved. Due to the unpleasant and sometimes dangerous side effects of medications (such as headaches, lack of emotion, constipation, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, sometimes even depression and suicidal ideation) we would be better served by first looking to other factors that may have contributed to our problems.

In my case, I was emphatic that my antidepressant was no longer working. My depression had come back in full force and I was beginning to fantasize how I could escape overwhelming stress. Fortunately, I had a psychiatrist that asked what was going on in my life instead of reaching for his prescription pad. I reported that I was trying to hold down a job, my fibromyalgia was not under control, and I was trying to care for my mother-in-law who had Alzheimer’s (and was grieving the loss of her husband—over and over again). Sleep deprivation soon became an issue and the list went on and on.

This caring doctor asked to speak to my husband and explained that anyone dealing with this kind of stress and pain would be feeling out of control. He went so far as to say that my husband had to make a choice between having me (with any semblance of mental health) or continue to care for his mother in our home and lose me. The situation really was that desperate. As a result, my medication was not changed and my husband devised a plan that allowed me to heal. I am so grateful I didn’t have to go through the expense and grueling side effects of new meds.

I often wonder if doctors are too quick to start their patients on antidepressants (especially children) before analyzing other factors that may contribute to complaints. Sometimes one medication will have harsh side effects so another med is given to counteract those effects until a person has multiple medications (along with an increased financial burden, which increases anxiety and more depressed feelings, which leads us right back to the doctor!) but mood may continue to be unstable since other factors were not adequately explored and dealt with. It can become a vicious cycle.

Medication alone can never take the place of the hard work at overcoming multiplex factors which keep the brain at risk for addictions and mood disorders.

Peggy: Learning to Use the Many Tools in My Toolbox

Like many of you, I also have a genetic predisposition to depression and a very stressful life that can drain the “feel good chemicals” from my body. I have been blessed by the very solutions that we have shared in this series. I do not judge others who must rely upon anti-depressants, but knew that my solution must be found elsewhere when I was first confronted with depression symptoms.

I continue to be amazed at the resources the Lord placed in my path when I first experienced depression in my 40s. Over an eight-year period I was led to one tool after another. Many books were pivotal for me, particularly, He Did Deliver Me from Bondage by Colleen Harrison and Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle. I took many workshops and experienced a time of self-discovery. I increased my knowledge of coping skills and learned to recognize my unhealthy thought patterns.

When I first began to learn about “energy-based” therapies, they were not at all well known in the LDS culture. I prayed often to make sure that I was not being led astray, but always felt a confirmation that I was headed in the right direction. In addition to EFT, I also benefited greatly from Rapid Eye Therapy (RET). [ii] Now, as a professional, I celebrate the new science of energy psychology and the wonderful science of integrative mental health that supports the role of nutrition and truly living the Word of Wisdom. The motto I have in my business states my conviction: “Every storm has a refuge.”

I have learned to make peace with my body and to listen to the messages my body gives me. By doing this, I know what tools to pull from my tool box each day. Here is a list of the tools that I use on a regular basis based upon my specific daily needs. Not only have these tools helped me to become free from depression, but they support overall well-being and help me to combat a familial tendency for diabetes, hypoglycemia, and sugar addiction:

• Prayer, Scripture Study, Journaling
• Mindfulness, Meditation
• Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
• Yoga, Exercise, Massage Therapy
• 5-HTP, and other supplements including L-Tyrosine, L-Glutamine, and a high potency multi-vitamin formula called Glucobalance by Biotics Research
• Juice Plus, Green Smoothies, and strict attention to nutrition; I never drink soda and work hard to avoid sugar which has made a huge difference!
• Regular sleep, 7 to 8 hours
• Essential oils, particularly a daily detox of 1 drop lemon oil, 1 drop of peppermint oil in a glass of water
• 6-8 glasses of water per day
• Build something fun and nurturing into every day.
• Give meaningful service to others, as I feel inspired.
  

A final thought that I would offer is that I have learned to face the hard truths in my life and not bury them. The “truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Personal honesty and willingness to look at the “hard things” allows me to keep confront limiting beliefs that stand in the way of fulfillment and personal growth. I resist negative self-talk and accept the encouragement the Lord offers me continually. If an issue comes up, I recognize it, deal with it, and move on.

Conclusion

We hope you will take the opportunity to look back on the information in this series and keep praying for guidance in regard to which tools are right for you. The next article will conclude this series with a reminder of our spiritual roots: “And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look . . . ” (2 Nephi 25:26) We look to Christ not only for a remission of our sins but for the ultimate answers to life’s dilemmas and for the ability to live in the fruits of the Spirit, which are “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23), instead of depression. Watch for it. 

Notes:

Darla and Peggy first collaborated when Darla became the Covenant Communications editor of Peggy’s first book, Becoming Women of Strength nearly twenty years ago. That book is out of print, but still available on Amazon.com

Peggy A. McFarland, MS, NCC, practices in Oregon as an integrative mental health counselor, and also serves as an early morning seminary teacher. Peggy earned her BS degree in social work from Brigham Young University and a master’s degree in mental health counseling from Capella University. She utilizes Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT ) in her practice and is the creator of the The Light Point Healing Center www.thelightpoint.org.Peggy has written a values-based curriculum to help girls develop positive body image during the transition of puberty, entitled Healthy Transitions for Girls. This curriculum is a valuable resource for parents and professionals. For more information on this resource visit Peggy’s website www.healthytransitionsforgirls.com 

Exciting announcement. Darla’s well-received book of comfort for those grieving a suicide is now available as an e-book in two formats: Kindle from Amazon.com and Nook from Barnes and Noble Nook Books.

To learn more about Darla and her books, Trust God No Matter What! and After My Son’s Suicide: An LDS Mother Finds Comfort in Christ and Strength to Go On, visit her website: darlaisackson.com.

This is the ninth installment in an on-going series on depression. Click on the links below to read earlier articles in this series:

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII

In this ninth article in our series, we share personal stories from individuals who have overcome depression using the tools we have shared. Their solutions have not been a “one-size-fits-all,” but a unique combination of puzzle pieces that came through prayer, trial and error, and persistence. If your life feels weighed down without solutions, there is a path to happier living that has been prepared for each individual who is honestly ready for real solutions. These stories are living proof! We have changed the names of these individuals to protect their privacy.

Julie’s Personal Story: Putting Medication in Its Proper Place

Julie first experienced depression after the birth of her 3^rd child. She had a strong genetic predisposition for depression. Several siblings and parents were being treated for depression, so the onset of depression symptoms was no surprise. At the time Julie first experienced her symptoms, her doctor knew no other way to help her other than to prescribe Paxil. [i] For Julie, this medication allowed her to care for her children without the rage that caused her to endanger their safety.

At times, Julie wondered if she was committing some kind of “sin” by medicating herself. She had all the common doubts about her worthiness and capacity to be faithful. Julie finally came to the conclusion that the worst sin of all would be to verbally and physically abuse her children and the medication stabilized her emotions enough to prevent those behaviors. Julie had three more children who were all born while she was taking Paxil.

While she was on the medication, Julie reflects that she was aware of how the medication was affecting her. First, it had the side effect of diminishing her sexual drive which tested her marriage. It also caused her to feel emotionally “numb” at times, which meant that being sensitive to the Spirit was more difficult for her. She also had to watch for signs of being “over-medicated” and adjust her dosage to compensate for this.

Julie shares that she was very careful to maintain awareness of these medication side effects and pray for extra help to combat them. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the repentance and forgiveness which bring great blessings of emotional healing. She feels it is important for patients to be “self-directed,” and find the balance between self-reliance and being wholly dependent on the doctor’s opinion.

Many times in the ten years Julie was on medication she wanted to wean herself off. She believed that she could not fulfill her potential if she remained dependent upon medication, yet she didn’t believe she could function well without it. She learned that she had to trust God’s timing; she reasoned, “Heavenly Father knows my desire: I have to trust that He will help me when the time is right.”

When Julie finally began the process of getting off medication, she first began to build her nutritional health by eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and by taking triple doses of Juice Plus. (Juice Plus is a whole food, fruit and vegetable supplement.) She also began a vigorous exercise regimen. Julie enlisted the support of her family, “I let everybody know that I was going to get off my medication and asked them to help me monitor the changes that might occur in case I was not aware. I knew how scary I could be.”

In addition to initiating a serious nutritional and exercise regimen, Julie received assistance from a professional counselor. Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), journaling, and other methods, Julie was able to challenge unhealthy family patterns and heal old wounds. Despite a strong genetic tendency for depression, Julie experienced relief from depression symptoms. She feels that her Savior was her partner every step of the way. Julie cautions that medication should not be used to help someone avoid the need for repentance and forgiveness. Medication is no substitute for learning new skills, healing personal wounds, and making lifestyle changes.

Julie has been “depression-free” for the past eight years. She continues her efforts to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To maintain her emotional health, Julie is continually aware of her emotional warning signs. Julie knows that she is beginning a downward cycle when she feels “low grade orneriness.” If Julie finds that her “mean feeling” does not go away, she begins taking a natural mood and serotonin-building supplement, 5-HTP. She also watches for signs that she needs to do some deeper emotional work and schedules a “tune-up” session with her counselor.

Marin: Being Patient with Progress

Marin has had depression for ten years. Like Julie, her first signs of depression came in the form of post-partum depression. As Marin looked at her life, she simply could not understand why she felt so miserable:

I had a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. I had my best semester in college yet, while on bed rest, and pulled straight A's in all my classes. I had wonderful friends that supported me in all that I did. But the feeling of despair was so deep and so overwhelming that I finally decided it was time to change my life. I discussed this with my husband and then went to the counseling center at the college. They verified that it was postpartum depression and that it was nothing to be ashamed of having. It was not my fault, it was not something I could have foreseen or prevented. I then went to my OB for a postpartum appointment and as I told him what I had been going through and about my visit with the counselor, he just smiled and told me how proud he was of me to take these steps. He prescribed a medicine for me and told me that this was the cast for my depression. Just as a broken leg can't heal without a cast to keep it stable, I wouldn't be able to heal from the depression without something to stabilize the chemical imbalance. I also started visiting with a counselor and my life started to become what I had always hoped it would be. I started to make progress and started feeling more joy more often. I had hope.

Like many others who have suffered from depression, Marin did not find complete relief from medication. In fact, over the next seven years, Marin’s moods were up and down. After her sixth child was a year old, she once again found herself unable to get out of bed. She found a trusted counselor and began weekly counseling sessions for a period of four months. Along with individual counseling, marital counseling helped her husband to understand her needs better and know how to support her.

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