We have a few more letters today about the art of showing love. I’m so glad you all participated to give us a warm and fuzzy few weeks. Next week we’re back to business as usual, so I hope you enjoy these letters of love. And I particularly like this first one, because it explains why readers usually respond to the problem topics, rather than to the happy ones:
Awww! I meant to say something positive on this topic so your mailbox wouldn't be suggesting that I only love the problems, but here's the thing: The happy stuff I can discuss anywhere, but when there's a problem or anything dark I need a forum to hear and be heard.
Some things I don't really want to share with friends, neighbors and ward members. It's too negative! So I email Circle of Sisters and let it out!
Wouldn't it be nice if love did beget love? I think love (along with firmly insisting on respectful treatment) begets love or at least some respect! It has been my experience that people really struggle to be loving and feel brotherly/sisterly charity or even good manners. Sometimes we are just "carnal, [senseless] and devilish" while making an exhausting effort to overcome and we need Sista' Kidd's help!
But then I do live out in the "mission field."
Again, writing from an undisclosed location in Washington State
Leah, I fear that “Sista’ Kidd” doesn’t do a whole lot to help anybody. It’s the readers who come up with the smart ideas! In any case, I’m glad for the explanation of why people tend to leave the happy topics alone. That works for me!
Love is all the little things you do to make your spouse more comfortable, make their life go more smoothly. These little acts of kindness rarely get acknowledged, but then they are done out of love.
One of these little acts of love I do for my husband includes turning his socks and underwear right-side-out when I do laundry. His act of love is when he remembers to take them off so they are right-side-out. I take the garbage out when it I see it is full. He will take the garbage out when he sees it is full. I make the bed first thing in the morning. If he hasn't left for work yet he will help me make the bed.
I balance the checkbook. He can only balance the checkbook on the end of his finger. He doesn't berate my faults. I can't see his faults anymore (but I know he must still have them; he's not been translated yet).
"If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce."
I love this quote from Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley and this video of his talk was well done. My daughter put it together for a ward activity.
That was a lovely video, Teresa. And what a wonderful quote! Please thank your daughter on our behalf.
Here’s a letter from Paul, who suggested this topic in the first place:
You recommended a couple of books in last week's column, so I wanted to add one of my favorites to it.
It is: Try Giving Yourself Away by David Dunn (pen name for Robert R. Updegraff). I think the original copyright was 1947. The granddaughter of the author is the publisher and she works out of her home.
It's out of print, but you can contact the publisher at:
The Updegraff Press
2425 Ransdell Avenue
Louisville, KY 40204
If there were enough demand, she might have more printed. But she usually has about 1,000 printed at a time. The last time I purchased them (in 2006), they were $10 each in a quantity of ten. (I give them away as gifts.) Many of the examples are dated, but the principle is eternal.
You can also find them at Amazon.com
Make it a good day!
Thanks for the book recommendation, Paul. I’m always a sucker for a good book!
My mother and my Primary teachers covered this one so well when I was little that there isn't too much new to say on it. They all taught me to show the kindness to others that you want from them. Period. Demonstrate through your words and actions how you want to be treated. And then don't get mad when people treat you the way you treat them.
If you want your spouse to nag you, show that's what you want by nagging your spouse. If you want love and affection from your spouse, show love and affection to your spouse. When your spouse doesn't respond correctly to your kindness and courtesy, you then have earned the right to ever so kindly ask: "Look, I'm treating you with kindness and courtesy — would you rather I act like you?"
If you want the people on the morning bus or train to treat you like a cheap piece of garbage, treat them that way. If you want them to treat you with kindness and consideration (and occasionally give you their seat), treat them with that same level of kindness. I have noticed that the women who are offered seats on my morning bus and train are those who are ladies in word and action as opposed to “modern women” who demands their “rights.” It’s the same with the men. Those who are gentlemen as opposed “just a guy” are treated with the earned level of respect.
If you want your children to act with love towards you, teach them how to act through your actions. Then, when they are out of line you can say: "I didn't teach you to act that way, and you will not act that way." As a father of six children I can promise you this is the far more difficult route in training children, but the end result is far better than many other ways. The children I managed to do this with are better for it. And so am I.
Thanks for some commonsense advice, Bruce.