We have an opportunity this week to help a family that is in the midst of a major crisis. I don’t have much to say about this. I want to let “Anguished in Altamont” speak for herself:
I never envisioned that I personally would face a situation as painful as one that is now spilling into our family. Our daughter, who is sealed to my husband and me but is not my biological daughter, is the mother of several wonderful children. Over the past couple years, she has become increasingly fragile and is filled with anger and rage.
Although we don't know the full scope of how this is affecting others, I have become the scapegoat of her bristling anger. Today my husband witnessed how she spoke to me and was "stunned" at how hateful sheappeared and sounded. He said that her eruption was completely unprovoked and comforted me afterward, telling me how proud he was that I didn't react. Our granddaughters were there and witnessed this aswell.
My husband said he still can't get her face out of his mind and described her look as "ugly and evil."
We are so concerned for her spiritual and emotional welfare and for how it may be affecting our grandchildren. Her husband is one who ignores the behavior and won't intervene. I prayed all the way home and have pleaded with the Lord to know how a holy woman would handle this situation.
I do not want to have angry feelings and am rereading conference talks on this topic. I have put her name on the temple roll and will fast this week. I know that the love of men "will waxcold" during these last days, but am so hurt over this because I strive to be loving and kind to each of our family.
I will forgive her and know that the Savior will heal my wounded heart through His Atonement. My husband will talk with her alone, but his past efforts have been met with only defensiveness and a completely unrepentant response. She is a counselor in her ward's Relief Society and gives the appearance of sweetness with ward members.
My husband is counseling me to limit my contact with her, and we will do things individually and alone with our grandchildren. I think her behavioris a manifestation of the latter days as the adversary works non stop to harden hearts. We will, of course, fast, pray, study our scriptures and attend the temple regularly. We are willing to pay for her to have anger management counseling, but she is in complete denial.
Do you have any suggestions for us? Is this happening in other families in the Church?
Anguished in Altamont
Anguished, this is a difficult topic. There could be numerous reasons—from physical to psychological to emotional—why your daughter has fixated on you as the target of her wrath. However, I’m sure there are many people who have been in your shoes (or even in your daughter’s shoes) and who may have advice for you. I hope they send you their counsel.
Readers, if you have anything to say to Anguished, please send an email to email@example.com">firstname.lastname@example.org. DO NOT USE THE FORM ON THIS PAGE, BECAUSE YOUR LETTER WILL NOT REACH ME. Click on the link and send your advice. Anguished can’t afford to lose what you have to say.
Until next week – Kathy
“Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”
Want more Kathryn H. Kidd? Visit www.planetkathy.com to read her blog, get free stuff, and participate in the new Ask Madame Kathy forum. Kathy also has a weekly column at the Nauvoo Times (www.nauvootimes.com).