Message Received, Not Intended
Several years ago I gave my wife a paperback Book of Mormon that was cropped, the spine cut off and holes drilled into the inner margin to fit into her six-ring planner. When she changed planner styles, she put those scriptures into their own loose-leaf rings. Using this re-adjusted Book of Mormon to read out loud during family scripture reading, we heard our then-9-year-old son yell, "I hate the Holy Scriptures!" He pointed out that ring holes had punched through entire words and he couldn't figure out the missing words. What our son had really said was: “I hate the holey scriptures!”
Grandma was seldom missing at church. Usually her daughter, son-in-law and seven grandchildren all sat together, but this Sunday was different. Grandma was absent. She wasn’t feeling well and needed some rest. The family discussed their grandmother’s absence as they headed home. Wardell, age 6, spoke up: "I know where Grandma is; she's making us something good to eat!"
Red in the Face
I was called as second counselor to the bishop in a newly formed ward and was asked to conduct sacrament meeting the very next Sunday. Things went well until I announced the closing hymn as “Let Us All Pass On.” Later, an elderly sister approached me and said: “Thank you so much for making my passing on so easy.”
Talk Is Cheap
I was telling my 3-year-old granddaughter, Addie, about the time I was stung by a bee. She said if she was ever stung by a bee she'd be so mad. I said, "I know—you could tell it, ‘Bee, get outta here!’” She looked at me a few seconds and said: "I don't think talking would do any good."
One Last Wish
Dissidents kidnapped 3 LDS leaders—a Relief Society president, a stake president, and an Elder's quorum president. When Church headquarters refused to pay any ransom, they granted the three one last wish. The RS president asked if they could sing one last hymn. The stake president asked to preach one last sermon. The EQ president asked to be executed after the opening song.
Once Natalia slipped her Hannah Montana Barbie into the church bag without me knowing about it. During church she pushed a button and the doll yelled, "I LOVE YOU ALL! I WISH I COULD STAY ALL NIGHT LONG. THIS IS WICKED AWESOME." Then it sang one of her songs called “Nobody’s Perfect.” And of course it has no off button.
A Man of Many Talents
My husband was blessed with many talents, but music wasn’t one of them. A couple weeks ago our grandchildren were visiting and attended sacrament meeting with us. Our 5-year-old granddaughter, Victoria, was sitting on Grandpa’s lap. After singing one of the hymns, she looked up at him and asked: “Grandpa – what’s wrong with your voice?”