“Another Saturday night, and I ain’t got nobody…”
I couldn’t help but sing this 60’s classic as I sat around doing absolutely nothing social with my weekend. I was busy enough cleaning the house, running errands, and doing family things, but as I settled down to relax I couldn’t help but feel that huge hole in my chest that screams of loneliness.
The matter was only compounded a few nights later as I watched TV, alone with my dog. There was a cute married couple, on some show about families, lying in bed together talking. It wasn’t pillow talk; it was just talk. Watching a totally boring scene on TV, I felt my heart aching as wondered if I’d ever have someone to talk about the big and little stuff with at the end of the day. Someone to share the burden of the hard decisions, and someone to make the silly little decisions I so willingly ignore. Or maybe just someone to go eat at a fun new place with.
So I did what always happens after these little spells of loneliness — I turned on my computer and debated joining a dating site. I opted to save my unemployed wallet the $50 and didn’t join anything. But as I made that conscience choice, I couldn’t help but wonder how and where I will ever meet anyone. (As mentioned previously, there are no other singles under the age of 55 in my ward — and not many more in my stake!)
I think about this a lot — where and how will I ever meet someone while living in a smaller city. I am adverse to online “dating” sites, where you find the same men over and over. There aren’t activities to frequent. And the bar scene just ain’t what it used to be! And then the thought occurred to me.
“Blind Date” — the Two Scariest Words in the English Language
As desperate as I am to meet and make friends, and just engage in some harmless flirting with an attractive man, I still fear the thought of a blind date. Like most single people, I think a blind date means sitting across a table, staring uncomfortably at a stranger, cursing the friend who sent you there, and desperately trying to make conversation.
Blind dates are scary for one simple reason. We know that the chances are slim that someone actually put a lot of thought into thinking, “What sort of person would get along well with this other person?” It seems more often than not that most blind dates happen with no more thought put into it than, “He’s single, she’s single!” (I think my favorite one was, “He doesn’t have any friends, so I thought you might try.” By the end of the date, I knew why he didn’t have any friends!)
Blind dates, especially for singles who just don’t get to meet people outside of their usual circles very often, can be a fun way to meet new people. But only if they are done right! So I’d like to offer you all some new ground rules for setting up that single friend you think needs to be married.
First and foremost, you must know at least three things about both parties beyond the three things that you do already know. Because we all know that those three things are the person’s name, his/her marital status, and his/her occupation. You need to know a lot more than that, but we’ll settle for a minimum of three things. I’d like to suggest that you pick those three things from the following ideas:
1. Activity level. Do not set up a video gamer with a marathon runner.
2. Politics. Although this is not a deal-breaker for some, it is a huge deal-breaker for many!
3. Personality style. Setting up two shy people may backfire, just like setting up two Type-A personalities. Don’t just know their personality types, ask each party if they enjoy the other’s type.
4. Physical appearance. Yes, we get it. You’re married, you don’t notice if another person is attractive anymore. (Actually, we don’t believe that. We just pretend that we get it for your sake.) And go ahead and argue that “leagues” don’t matter. But the truth is, everyone somewhere has been set up on a blind date that was so unattractive as to be offensive. Try to be known as the person who set up the blind date with Brad Pitt, not Brad is the Pitts.
5. Hobbies. Do they have anything in common besides knowing you?
6. Church activity level. It can be tempting to set up your less-than-active brother-in-law with that sweet girl from church. But really, what do you expect to happen?
Let’s use me as an example. If you were going to set me up on a blind date, there are a few things I’d like you to take into consideration. First, I spend all day being the boss. But when the workday is done, I’d rather somebody else make the decisions for me. So even though I’m a Type A personality, I tend to prefer men with Type A personalities.
The trick? You have to find me a man that is smarter, tougher, and stronger than I am, but likes me for the fact that I have those same qualities. There is nothing I dislike more than a laid-back, too easy-going guy who thinks I am going to “wear the pants” in the relationship.
If someone were to take a very simple glance at the men I have dated they would notice three simple things about them/me. I like redheads. Every one of my ex-boyfriends had blue eyes and dimples (not a coincidence either). And they were all very smart, outgoing, leadership quality guys that could have second careers in stand-up comedy. (Or in one case, he actually did have a career in
But that’s just me. My girlfriend, who I would describe as just like me in a million ways, is madly in love with her computer programming husband that I have never met because he’s so socially adverse. She can dance circles around her husband, whereas I prefer for the man to lead. And I do feel that in all honesty I have to admit that my best friend met her husband on a blind date (set up by her sister, who knew a great deal about both of them).
Hearing from the Singles
The truth is that no two people will have the same opinion on how to be set up on a blind date. I can only speak with authority for myself. So don’t take my word for it! Let’s see what other singles had to say on the subject.
“What would you like others to take into consideration when setting you up on a blind date?”
Leah: That they know if he is 1) ready & willing to be in a relationship, 2) emotionally healthy, and has the 3) same profession and/or similar hobbies.