Editor's Note: This is the first in an ongoing series of columns on healing from addiction.

Addiction: There was a time when the LDS community thought of it as a “Word of Wisdom” problem. For decades the Brethren had warned against addiction, relating it almost exclusively to alcohol, tobacco and illegal drugs. But, then, in April, 1998, President Gordon B. Hinckley used the word to refer to two behaviors that had (at least seemingly) nothing to do with chemical addiction. He called pornography and anger addictions. ¹ His statement reflects the reality that an addiction can develop around just about any human activity or even any emotion that can serve to distract a person from dealing with his or her current challenges. In other words, addiction is happening somewhere in some active, believing LDS person's life virtually every second of every day. Let's picture a hypothetical but all too real scenario:

George knows his wife, Mary, can't endure one more discovery of porn on their computer or hidden in his car, but he has to view it “just one more time.” Then he'll stop for sure. Meanwhile, Mary, his wife, is feeling the same way about using the credit card for just one more purchase, even though she knows their budget can't bear the increased payments. And Karen, Mary and George's gorgeous daughter, a freshman at BYU, can't resist the lulling, comforting, numbing effect of binge eating “just one more time,” and vomiting to make sure the food doesn't get digested and turned to fat. Her sister, 15-year-old Trisha, can't bring herself to vomit, so her binge eating is showing on her body. She wears a size 18 and thinks she's scum alongside Karen's size 6.

Still, no one would ever think George's family to be as troubled as the family (let's call them the ‘J's') in their ward who has a son in drug rehab, a daughter dressing “gothic,” and a mom that weighs 300 lbs and has become more and more dependent on the comfort and safety of her own house. In other words, Sister J is becoming agoraphobic, but it has developed so gradually, that everyone who knows her has gotten used to it and just thinks she's “that way.”

Meanwhile, John J., her husband, living with his children's struggles and wife's withdrawal from normal life, has found some comfort and distraction in workaholism. After all, who can fault him for that, right? Whether on the job or at church, Brother J. can be counted on to come early and stay late, and everyone admires that kind of dedication.

What's really sad is that the LDS movie industry has caricatured LDS families manifesting many of these problems. Overeating, over-organizing, over-controlling, and perfectionism are a few of the obsessive and compulsive behaviors made fun of. And we've laughed at them. Well, at least on the outside we're chuckling, but on the inside a lot of us are cringing because we recognize the characters' actions in our own lives. If we need to keep pretending we're not that bad, we may really roll with laughter and say to our husband or wife, “Doesn't that just remind you of the Joneses or the Browns or the Jensens?”

Meanwhile addiction– not just of the kind warned against by the Word of Wisdom–finds its way deeper and deeper into the lives and homes of the LDS people and community. It can destroy personal integrity, take possession of the precious hours life is made of. Addiction can also substitute its false comfort for the comfort and support that only comes through a close, loving relationship first with God and secondly with each other.

But Wait! Aren't These Things Just Bad Habits?

It may be very hard to accept the diagnosis of your problem (or your loved one's problem) as an addiction. To use that word makes it sound so serious. We can be sure that Satan would love to convince us to think that the word “addiction” can't apply to us. “Oh, I just have a bad habit,” he entices us to believe. “I could quit if I really wanted to, but everyone's entitled to a bad habit or two, aren't they?”

For me, it was one of the greatest blessings in my life to finally admit that my “bad habit” of unhealthy eating was actually an addiction. At first I was embarrassed and ashamed to think I had let something get such a strong hold in my life, but eventually I realized that owning the truth about my real bondage to my unhealthy eating was actually the first step to eliminating it. Think of it this way: If you turn your ankle and think it is only sprained, you most likely won't go to a doctor. But when the pain continues and even gets worse, you may start to suspect that your ankle is actually broken and needs a doctor's care.. I had to admit that my irrational, self-defeating behavior really was that bad. I had to take it that seriously.

A Good Working Definition of “Addiction”

I believe the following is a good working definition of addiction and conveys the whole truth about its scope and power:

Use of prescription drugs, gambling, excessive spending, excessive use of television and other electronic media such as computers, electronic games, and fantasy games are some of the most prevalent addictive behaviors today. In the LDS culture and beyond, unhealthy eating behaviors are becoming more than just bad habits for many who find that no number of diets, exercise programs or weight-loss drugs offer permanent relief. Just one more bite, one more brownie, one more meal-then we'll ”go on the wagon.”

Why do these behaviors qualify as addictions, even though they do not involve ingesting any mood-altering chemicals? Because they all can mask and postpone negative feelings by triggering rushes of internal mood altering chemicals such as adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine. In fact, we would be wise to examine even some of the most admirable activities-- such as working hard, serving others, exercising and keeping our homes nearly perfect-- in our lives to see if we have become dependent on them for our sense of self-worth. Thus, when we indulge even in these socially acceptable activities beyond a healthy balance, we need to prayerfully ask ourselves this question: Am I doing this because it brings me joy and peace, or because I am feeling compelled to do it? If, in all honesty, we we feel compelled to do these things, we would be wise to consider we may be developing an addiction.

My Own Personal Awakening to Addiction in My Very Active LDS Life

In 1981, when I first attended, a Twelve Step recovery group focused on unhealthy eating patterns, I began to face the truth that, for me, eating was a mood-altering experience--and that for me certain foods were more mood-altering than others. Though I was constantly obsessing about my weight and the latest diet craze, I could not resist the urge to consume unhealthy kinds and amounts of food. I mean, at least for the few minutes I was eating, I could “drown my sorrows,” and hide from my stresses and challenges. Never mind that when I “came to,” my weight would be even higher, adding to my stress. This insanity went on for years, while my weight continued to climb, until finally I was over 300 lbs. I think we would all have to agree I was living up to our earlier definition of addiction and “ causing serious damage to [my] relationships, health, and personal sense of serenity and spirituality. ”

In my personal preface to He Did Deliver Me from Bondage, I wrote:

I ate in secret. I spent money on my private indulgences that we desperately needed for family necessities. The list could go on and on. I knew what it felt like to actually hate the ice cream or chocolate I was eating, and still not be able to leave it alone. I knew what it meant to have every ounce of willpower I could muster, fail me. The parallels between my behavior and those of an alcoholic (or even a pornography addict) were terrifying and humbling .

Needing to Address Addiction on a Spiritual Level

Until the introduction of the Twelve Step approach, first used in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), alcoholism was considered virtually hopeless. And what was true of alcohol addiction holds true for all other kinds of addictions. No amount of moralizing at or psychoanalysis of those with any kind of addiction brings lasting abstinence and recovery. Only the addict's own admittance of need--and not just need for help, but need for God --can open the door to a total remission of addiction. And once again, it doesn't matter what form the addiction takes--whether it is the kind of addiction that robs a person of their temple worthiness or church membership--or the more “socially-acceptable” addictions. Just as the scriptures testify, all things are spiritual (D&C 29:34). Recovery from addiction must address not only a change of behavior, but also a change of heart--so that the person actually loses their “disposition” or desire to act out. Only God can change a person this deeply and completely. (See Mosiah 5:2.)

It is true—as modern science keeps revealing—that addiction can be fueled by either psychological, social or even neurological factors or a combination of all three. I certainly can recognize these contributing factors in my own personal history. Still, it has been by recognizing the fact that I am first and foremost a spiritual being, that I have found the power to rise above my genetic and social predisposition to addiction. We have only to consider the case of Zeezrom in Alma 15.

Alma 15:5 — . . . and they went in unto the house unto Zeezrom; and they found him upon his bed, sick, being very low with a burning fever; and his mind also was exceedingly sore because of his iniquities;

Zeezrom was sickened in body and in mind because he believed something that was not true. He believed that he had been the instrument of Alma and Amulek's death. You see, what we believe grows out of our spiritual selves, our “hearts,” or core being. And it is into this depth of our being that recovery from addiction must reach to be permanent. A change of behavior is not all the Lord desires us to achieve in this life. He is intent on bringing us to a place of such humility that He can give us a new heart—even in the perfect likeness of His own.

I have been on this amazing journey of recovery from addiction for over 25 years, and I have watched countless miracles happen both in my own life and in the lives of thousands of other LDS members. In the process of it all, I have learned that as covenant members of His true church, we have only one hope to be truly recovered. That hope lies in our exercising our faith specifically in Christ, and in opening a channel of communication with Him that will become our first line of defense not only against addiction's power, but against all the lies of the adversary.

“The greatest and most important of all requirements of our Father in Heaven and of his Son Jesus Christ . . . is to believe in Jesus Christ, confess him, seek him, cling to him, make friends with him. Take a course to open a communication with your Elder Brother or file-leader—our Savior. (Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses , 8:339.)

It is my constant prayer that the Lord will open every channel possible for me to share what I have learned of His infinite mercy and grace towards even “the least of the Saints”—those of us who have developed addictions of any kind. This ongoing column will attempt to do just that—to share those Gospel-based thoughts, feelings, insights and awakenings I have gleaned in over 25 years of recovery from addiction grounded exclusively in the power of our Savior's Atonement.

I invite and would rejoice in your responses as we go along. To hear from you will help me know where to go in upcoming columns. I hope that we can open a dialogue, a correspondence that will edify us all together. I promise you that by turning to Christ with our weaknesses (Ether 12:27), we can be strengthened in the inner man and watch the grace of Christ work a mighty change in our hearts (Mosiah 5:2).

1Gordon B. Hinckley , “Living Worthy of the Girl You Will Someday Marry,” Ensign, May 1998, 49.