Lucky for most of us, the service can usually be had for free. None of us likes criticism, however, and harsh, unrelenting, unkind criticism is never productive, whether from our friends, our spouse or our enemies. I venture to say, though, that virtually all of us could benefit from a thoughtful critique now and then. The first thing I always have to do when one of my faults is brought to my attention in a loving way is fight down the natural man urge to be offended or defensive, making excuses and continuing in the error of my ways.

In other words, smart people learn from the thoughtful input of others.

Here are the things I believe we need to learn to do in order to accept helpful suggestions and overcome faults.

Be Self-aware

I am repeatedly late for events, especially those involving family. Recently my son told me, “Mom, when you show up late for something that is supposed to be important to me, that tells me it isn't that important to you.” Ouch! I had what I thought was a legitimate excuse that day. In fact, I always have an excuse at the ready, enabling me to continue in error indefinitely if I convince myself that the situation is out of my control. It isn't. It is my own bad habit, cultivated for years. My husband has also gently suggested that I need to learn that both time and money can only be spent once. A first step to improving in any area is admitting to yourself that the fault exists.

Avoid Retaliation

When we feel we are being fired upon, we often fire back, usually without thinking. If we can bring up a shortcoming that person has or otherwise shift the blame, we can avoid doing anything about our own behavior.

Don't Become Defensive

If it is an ingrained habit, we have likely already spent many years justifying to ourselves the reasons why we are the way we are. If we become defensive, there is likely little hope of change. Until we can examine our own behavior honestly and fairly, we won't begin to work on improving.

Consider the Source(s)

As a writer, I have learned that when I am able to put my ego aside and listen to the suggestions of others, I end up with a better finished product. When someone I love brings something to my attention, and I know they love me, I try to assume their motives are for me to end up as a better finished product. If the same opinion comes to me over a period of time from more than one source, I consider that there must be some validity in the assessment. Either that, or I consider a conspiracy theory.

Have Friends in High Places

Ether 12: 27

The word “humble” appears three times in this verse. That should tell us something. Perhaps it is that the Author of this scripture ought to get out His thesaurus, because then He would avoid repeating the same words over and over in His writing.

Then again, maybe not.

One of my favorite bishops was a young man who stood before the congregation and requested “Be patient with me as your bishop. I haven't even toilet-trained a child yet.” Because he approached that important assignment (bishop, not toilet training) knowing he had much to learn, he was humble and teachable, something we all need to be in order to be more effective leaders, more diligent followers and better people.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said it best:

I come to you tonight with a plea that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. Now I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man or woman who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his or her course. What I am suggesting is that you turn from the negativism that so permeates our modern society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom you associate, that we speak of one another's virtues more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my wise father would say: 'Cynics do not contribute. Skeptics do not create. Doubters do not achieve.'

From Be Not Afraid, Only Believe, CES Fireside for Young Adults, Sept. 9, 2001

Susan will be available to meet Meridian readers
On Tuesday, June 9,
she will be at the Brick Oven Pizza restaurant
111 E. 800 North, Provo, from 6:30 to 8:30.
Come, bring a friend. Get a free book.