No More
Mountains Out of Molehills!
By Vickey Pahnke-Taylor
This
little story is worth sharing: “I remember a grandmother
who had been widowed early in her life and was moving
out of her home. Her granddaughter, about to be married
herself, was carefully helping her place the boxes of
dishes and the faded towels.
“’See
that sewing machine over there in the corner?’ the grandmother
asked. ‘Your grandfather always left his hat there when
he came home in the evening. I used to scold him all
the time about it. ‘Just put your hat on the hook,’
I’d say, ‘Why does your hat always have to be on the
sewing machine messing everything up?’ Then one day,
he got pneumonia and died, leaving four little children
and me to miss him for a lifetime.’ How many times
through the years I’ve thought, What I’d give to see
that hat on the sewing machine, placed there by his
own hand?
“Like
the grandmother in this story, we often let trifles
cloud our vision …We sometimes nag the people we love
the best over little inattentions, small faults, mere
nothings in the whole scheme of things. Instead of
treasuring the all-too-rare moments we have with our
dear ones, we pick at faults, imagined or otherwise.”
(Ensign, November 1977, p.24.)
Hats,
or habits, or oversights, or anything — Is it worth
creating negativity over? Will it make things better
to criticize? President Gordon B. Hinckley has shared
this wisdom with us concerning our words, “Restrain
your tongues in criticism of others. It is so easy
to find fault. It is so much nobler to speak constructively.”
(Ensign, November 1981, p.98.) It is also an
easy way to better enjoy the present time with ones
we care about.
If
we are apt to criticize another for something they have
done or said, it might be wise for us to consider these
words spoken by President James E. Faust, “Your criticism
may be worse than the conduct you are trying to correct.”
(General Conference October 1987.)
Because
we live in a world where words fly freely and many times
without prior thought, the quality of our lives may
improve appreciably by simply deciding — right now —
to eliminate (at least some) of the criticism we may
dish out. Here are a few suggestions, offered by Elder
Marvin J. Ashton more than two decades ago, for making
progress in this goal.
- Pray to have the love of God in
your heart.
- Learn to control your tongue.
- Don’t allow emotions to take over;
rather, reason together.
- Refuse to get embroiled in the
same old patterns of argument and confrontation.
- Practice speaking in a soft, calm
voice.
While
criticism, if it is ‘constructive’, when given in the
spirit of helping someone develop and when offered lovingly,
may be accepted and prized; it is easy to fall into
a pattern of negative criticism, usually intended to
hurt someone’s feelings or ‘validate’ our own position.
Or maybe we simply don’t stop to think before we open
our mouths, and end up “making a mountain out of a molehill.”
Or, making a big deal out of something that just doesn’t
matter. Feelings are hurt and relationships are impaired.
We have all probably been the victim of this kind of
hurt at one time or another. Knowing how it feels,
perhaps we should work harder at making sure we never
intentionally make another feel that way!
King
Benjamin counseled his people (and us) to “not have
a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably.”
(Mosiah 4:13.) In our own little worlds, what a blessing
it would be to utilize Elder Ashton’s suggestions in
order to follow King Benjamin’s counsel. No more mountains
out of molehills!
