Meridian Magazine :: Can Do Youth: Love and Marriage

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Love and Marriage
By Vickey Pahnke-Taylor

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Indian Love Poem

Nice night, in June.
Stars shine, big moon
In park, on bench
With girl, in clench.
Me say, “Me love”
She coo, like dove.
Me smart. Me fast.
Never let chance pass.
“Get hitched” me say.
She say, “Okay.”
Wedding bells ring, ring.
Honeymoon. Everything.
Settle down, Married life.
Everything. Happy life.

‘Nother night, in June.
Stars shine, big moon.
No happy, No more.
Carry baby. Walk floor.
Wife mad. She fuss.
Me mad. Me cuss.
Life one big spat.
Naggy wife, bawling brat.
Realize at last
Me too
Darn fast.

I was introduced to this interesting little gem of a poem by Brother Randy Bird. He is a good man, a good husband, and a good father. He is also a wonderful teacher and one who spent years serving as a curriculum developer for the Church Education System.

Brother Bird used the poem to teach what young people should not do if they want a good and lasting relationship. I have not been able to find out who wrote it, but it packs a few potent lessons about meeting, planning, courting, and making decisions that affect us in important ways. It speaks to responsibility, commitment, and love.

In April General Conference of 1960, Elder Thorpe B. Isaacson said this:

There probably is too much talk about rights and not enough talk about responsibility.

The media portrayal of love and marriage often has little or nothing to do with reality. The world's offering is to jump right into a liaison, tossing caution to the wind and often basing the relationship upon lust or very short-term considerations. There is every thought of “What I want” with very little thought of “How I should be responsible.”

Moving “too darn fast” is something we are better off without, unless we are running in a race or running away from trouble!

Personal Goals

In order to secure a lasting, sacred relationship, there are personal goals that must be set, and patterns that need to be established. Working at being our best does not insure that our relationship will be one of the eternal, celestial bond that we desire. But we may more clearly gain inspiration as to whom we should date, and how we should proceed in order to have the Lord's blessing.

We can have greater peace in our lives — as a teenager, beginning the dating scene; a teenager recognizing the issues involved in a too-serious relationship' as a young adult full of apprehension, or one with a near-miss of a marriage. Even as one recovering from a disastrous relationship, there are considerations that may help us get through it.

As a young person trying to figure out how to maneuver through the maze of emotions and diligently seeking for a lasting, loving relationship that is smiled upon by our Father in Heaven, it would be wise to set personal goals. There are minefields to avoid and great joy to be gained for those willing to make the sacrifices and choose more wisely than our friend in the poem.

Here are a few suggestions:

Use the scriptures as a guide to relationships, instead of television or movies.
Do not allow your parents' or friends' bad experience to sour you on the possibility for a loving, lasting relationship.
Do not give up on love . Different than the poem suggests, “Love must be continuing to be real. Love takes time.” (Elder Marvin J. Ashton, General Conference Report, October 1975.)
Determine to live in a chaste and pure manner.
Stay away from pornography of any form, or anything that degrades sacred, intimate relationships.
Sit at home rather than date someone who lives life on a “different standards page” than do you.
Write down the character traits of your ideal mate. Read them often — not just so that you will find that kind of person, but so that you can be that kind of person.
Pray often to be an open, loving, Christ-like person with an ever-improving desire to be a good spouse and a good parent.
Utilize the blessing of the Atonement, and get rid of any dark stain on the imprint of your heart or soul. Do it now. Do it honestly. Do it humbly.
Accept the blessings that come to you. Sometimes they come in the form of disagreeable circumstances, or undesirable situations. There are always things to learn and ways to polish our character from those trials that come our way. Each opportunity to grow is a blessing. They may make us more loveable, loving people.
Take your time in learning the “language of love” — the nuances of courting and growing together, the traits that our Father in Heaven would have each of us possess. Then exercise those things in as celestial a way as you can!
Set your sights on a temple marriage. Study about it; pray about it; make yourself ready for it. Be temple-worthy so that on that wonderful day when you kneel across the altar from your eternal sweetheart your entire being may be infused with more love than you have previously known possible.

President Harold B. Lee counseled:

Young people do not know the true sacredness of marriage until they have been taught by the temple ordinance.

A good marriage allows each partner to grow and develop. It brings each one closer to the other and to the Lord. It allows ups and downs, and accepts weaknesses. It is based upon an understanding that love allows progression, expects sacrifice, and celebrates service as well as eternally-based goals.

President James E. Faust has taught:

Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine (October General Conference, 1977).

Nice nights in June with stars shining and a big moon are romantic and charming. But they do not make a lasting, lovely relationship. Realistic expectations and careful considerations are necessary. Take your time. Learn more about yourself and about those with whom you spend your time. No need to move so fast. Pay attention to the little things that may become big things later on. Take your concerns, your thoughts, and your questions to our Father and listen carefully and patiently for the answers.

Young people, create your own love poem — with as happy an ending as you can work to provide!

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About the Author:

Vickey is a songwriter/producer, vocalist, and professional speaker, and has performed and/or taught in numerous venues. Her compositions include the theme songs for the Special Olympics program (state by state selection), the Make A Wish Foundation, the Especially For Youth program of the Church, and the Families In Focus program. She is a Billboard award winning songwriter, with hundreds of songs to her credit.

She has enjoyed participation in the Church Education System’s youth and family programs for almost two decades, having taught for Know Your Religion, Campus Education Week at BYU-Provo, BYU-Hawaii, and BYU- Idaho, Especially for Youth, Best of Especially for Youth, and BYU Conferences and Workshops.

Studying musical theater at BYU, she has used that learning experience in the music field as a way of enhancing the teaching of correct principles. Her latest gospel works include the collaborative projects "Women at the Well" with Kenneth Cope and "My Beloved Christ" with Randy Kartchner. Vickey has contributed to numerous EFY albums over the years and as a chapter contributor for many yearly EFY books; and as contributor the best selling LDS compilation, Sunshine for the Latter Day Saint Teenage Soul. She authored the book K.I.S.S.: Gospel Guidelines for Better Relationships for Bookcraft Publishing Company. For two years she was editor and columnist for "Gems for Youth" on the web at LDSWorld.com, formerly the Church’s electronic arm.

Vickey’s performance/teaching experience includes venues from participation with a nationally touring Repertory Theater Company to Symphony Halls to corporate conventions throughout the U.S. She has been commissioned to write scripts for the Faith & Values Channel; and created and directed the Bi-Centennial celebration for the Hampton Roads, Virginia area.

She holds a masters degree in interpersonal communications and currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah. She is married to Dean Taylor and together they have eight children and two grandchildren.