That  Kind of Christmas
By Vickey Pahnke Taylor

I love the Christmas season. The lights (decoration and the increased light that emanates from people), the sharing, the seemingly increased ability to give and receive love make it my most favorite time of the year. Family time is prime.

In an ideal world, many of us could create a perfect holiday:

• Our family members would be gathered around us.
• We would have family members to share our joy.
• We would be able to take some time away from family members who are currently creating chaos.
• We would enjoy loving, peaceful talks together with those we care about.
• The food would be cooked together with laughter and love.
• The cleaning up would be an effort in which most would happily participate.
• For some, the “dream list” of desired gifts would be received.
• Gifts offered would be accepted gratefully and with enthusiasm.
• Everyone would be healthy and whole.
• There would be no cross words spoken or angry feelings within.
• There would be no separation — in distance, in hearts, or in spheres.
• A crew would come in daily to clean up, spruce up, and tidy up.
• Total, complete joy would fill every minute of every day.
• Mistakes would be recognized and repented of.
• Our circle of family and friends would be just as we always wanted.

Okay. Now, everyone — back to reality. How many of us have experienced that kind of Christmas year after year?

In our quest for joy, that filling up of any seemingly empty parts of us, there may be a tendency to expect some sort of perfect scenario that is seldom, if ever, experienced.  Since each of us may have a slightly different scenario of what joyful perfection is, it would be interesting to try to mix those thoughts and feelings together.

But wait — maybe that’s what our family and friend times are all about.  The very differences that make us unique contribute to the layout of a road none of us may have imagined!

Many of those potholes and sinkholes and bumps in the road may come about because of our individual agendas or imaginings. In reality, it may be that the bumps in the road make the holidays more memorable.

Once we have a bit of time to settle and ponder, the lessons learned and experiences shared mean a great deal more than the picture-perfect holiday concocted in our minds — or on a television screen.  Although some of those times are tough ones, they contribute to a more well-rounded life journey. Along the way, we gain an improved vision of what “joyful” is all about, and we can better compare the simple with the complex and the good with the less than desired.

In his book The Broken Heart Bruce C. Hafen gave some encouraging words for all of us as working Christians:

Without both agency and some experience with opposition (experience that includes the mistakes that go with practice), it is not possible to have real learning — or real progress toward life, joy and meaning. (page 136)

Because “joy and meaningful experiences” sometimes take a prominent place in our hearts and minds during the Christmas season, our natural predisposition might be to plan on everything being our version of perfect. Or, conversely, some decide to plan on a miserable experience so that they are not disappointed.

Maybe the important thing is to determine to find joyful moments, regardless of the circumstances. During darker times, or periods of tribulation, we have the hope of Christ on which to hold. In times of sickness or personal turmoil, we have faith to shine before us. Regardless of how different reality is from what we might want, we can exercise charity. Reality might just give us the chance to shift our thoughts and change our list.

Our short list of “exactly the way we would like it” aside, our progress is happening whether or not we are prepared or ready. It is the direction of that progress that we get to determine.

Even at Christmas time, or maybe especially at Christmas time, our ideal and our reality may seem at odds. There is no “Pollyanna” attitude that can make us feel whole when we are losing a loved one, or are separated from a loved one, or fighting a personal battle that seems to overwhelm us. But there are heavenly blessings in store for any of us willing to hang in there and learn.

Christmas — “Day of Christ” — may find us in dire straits, difficult conditions, or feeble means. But the very name of the day, and the season, should direct us in a way that can make us a bit more whole — a bit more joyful, and a bit more solidly connected to our Savior. In doing so, every Christmas can be that kind of Christmas.

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Vickey is a songwriter/producer, vocalist, and professional speaker, and has performed and/or taught in numerous venues. Her compositions include the theme songs for the Special Olympics program (state by state selection), the Make A Wish Foundation, the Especially For Youth program of the Church, and the Families In Focus program. She is a Billboard award winning songwriter, with hundreds of songs to her credit.

She has enjoyed participation in the Church Education System’s youth and family programs for almost two decades, having taught for Know Your Religion, Campus Education Week at BYU-Provo, BYU-Hawaii, and BYU- Idaho, Especially for Youth, Best of Especially for Youth, and BYU Conferences and Workshops.

Studying musical theater at BYU, she has used that learning experience in the music field as a way of enhancing the teaching of correct principles. Her latest gospel works include the collaborative projects "Women at the Well" with Kenneth Cope and "My Beloved Christ" with Randy Kartchner. Vickey has contributed to numerous EFY albums over the years and as a chapter contributor for many yearly EFY books; and as contributor the best selling LDS compilation, Sunshine for the Latter Day Saint Teenage Soul. She authored the book K.I.S.S.: Gospel Guidelines for Better Relationships for Bookcraft Publishing Company. For two years she was editor and columnist for "Gems for Youth" on the web at LDSWorld.com, formerly the Church’s electronic arm.

She holds a masters degree in interpersonal communications and currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah. She is married to Dean Taylor and together they have eight children and two grandchildren.

She most loves laughter, cooking Italian, studying the gospel or driving up the canyon with her husband, hanging out with her kids, and eating Tootsie Rolls. Feel free to contact Vickey directly at Vickey@goodnessmatters.com