Many years ago my husband was called to serve as the bishop of a seriously struggling ward. He spent many hours at the church, late nights visiting troubled members and endless hours on the telephone. It felt like our marriage wouldn’t survive.
More Marriage Features
As I have thought about our marriages, I have estimated that most of us appreciate about 80% of our partner’s characteristics. We love their kindness, consideration, unselfishness, and talents. Yet there are also those quirky preferences and tendencies that don’t align with our own.
Couples aren't always good at reading between the lines to “know” and “read” each other well. It's a skill to be able to sense each other's inner state and respond accordingly. It is important for couples to be skilled at sending and receiving effective verbal and nonverbal cues in order to tune in to each other well within lovemaking.
Here are three excellent books for how to prepare for and succeed in the exciting, yet treacherous adventure of marriage and family life. Includes a special book for in-law relationships by Meridian authors Joy and Gary Lundberg.
We added a huge room onto our bedroom to serve as his library, but it isn't enough. Most of the aisles between the shelves are piled so high with books that passage is impossible. I feel it is a health hazard and a fire hazard. I've offered to work with him or even to do it for him. He becomes irrational when the subject is brought up--hyperventilating, yelling, then getting so worked up he can't even speak.
I have two best friends who are currently having affairs and haven’t told their wives. They are confiding in me about their lives in texts and emails. My wife knows these guys and their wives so she can't know, but she's becoming suspicious that I’m the one cheating now that I won’t let her have access anymore to my email and texts.
Couples need to take a multi-dimensional view in addressing issues of intimacy. We can get the mechanics of it right, but it's the emotion behind it and spirit of it that we want to get right as well. We're often looking for a "heart" change, not just behavior change to improve the relationship in the bedroom.