I’d thought this week we’d be doing clean-up on this topic so we could move on to the next one, but people are really excited about what is and what is not appropriate dress for Sunday.  As I did last week, I’m running these in the order in which I received them — with one exception, which will go unnoted.

There are also three short letters at the end that give links that may be helpful to our readers.  So if you’re ready to jump back in to the (civilized) hornets’ nest, jump away:

We just had a very young sister who was serving as our stake RS secretary give a presentation at our stake enrichment meeting. She said her father gave her a standard whereby she could measure the appropriateness of her dress for church. He asked her to ask herself if her dress was "stocking worthy."

I just loved that expression. Kind of tips it the other way, but it's true.  Stockings go with a certain mode of dress, and they can set a standard of dress that is more formal and more refined. I really appreciated this guideline, and although I haven't been wearing stockings this summer in our humid Iowa weather, it gives you something to think about as you dress, and I will consider wearing stockings next summer.

One other point, I have always loathed pantyhose and tights, so being "stocking worthy" for me means having a long enough skirt so that I can wear knee-highs. This is a very comfortable solution. I switch between pale nude and opaque black. Will be glad to read other comments.

Stocking Worthy

I’ve never heard of the phrase stocking-worthy, SW, but I can see the wisdom in that.  It gives a person something to think about — but stocking-worthy attire can be worn without stockings, which gives a person even more to think about.  Thanks for an intriguing letter.

I have come up for air and had to write you on the stockings thing.  Where I live no one wears stockings, and they are downright freakish.  Our RS president is head secretary at our local temple and does not wear stockings.   

Anyone so fixated on looking at women’s legs needs to get a life.  If we really want an unchanging standard for clothing, we should all wear outfits that go to our ankles and wrists as garments used to do.  

There is change all around us, even in the temple.  In hot climates stockings are torture, I did wear them when I lived in the north or in places with very cold air-conditioning.  We have conservative life-long members in our ward in their 80’s and 90’s who do not wear stockings.  The stocking thing is not church-wide, has never showed up at general conference, and I have not heard it from three witnesses.  Maybe we have enough doctrine and can let local areas set local standards.

In one area I lived we got lectured on what to wear to the temple.  I had always worn the best things I owned and decided maybe I should stay home for a while if I was upsetting people and did not own anything better.  (Why do people get upset about what others wear instead of turning inward for a personal temple experience?  We all dress the same inside the temple anyway.)

I stopped worrying after a friend who was a temple worker in two temples told me they were instructed to never comment on the patron’s clothing no matter what they came in wearing.  Early on in my church membership I was criticized going into a temple, and it really did detract from the spirit.  For the record, what I was wearing was completely appropriate.

As for finding clothes that fit, I like high end clothes and natural fibers.  I shop at the Goodwill in an expensive part of town, then take the clothes to an inexpensive tailor.  Not all tailoring is expensive; my tailor is an older Korean gentleman who works out of a hole-in-the-wall with his wife.  He comes in with better solutions, faster than promised and less expensive.  I have a hunch he will do well in the downturn.  In this way we can buy very nice things that eventually fit for less than Wal-Mart prices. 

Whenever I shop for clothes I feel the manufacturers hate me, but I was in a mall in an African-American neighborhood and there were tons of larger sizes available.  Sometimes different neighborhoods have different stock.  Weight has less of a stigma in African-American culture and lots of the clothes were very nice.

Maybe we should have a topic about not judging.  I remember a thread on a home school board years ago where some people were upset by women who wore denim to church.  For me that is another topic for people who have too much time on their hands.  I have never felt dressed up in denim, but I consider that personal and would not presume to decide what someone else should wear.

Roasting in California and Not Wearing Stockings (Surely They Jest)

Thanks for writing, Roasting.  I guess I’d better start haunting the malls in the African-American neighborhoods.  It never occurred to me that specific sizes would be shipped to different neighborhoods, but it makes sense.

And I can confirm to you that temple workers (at least in the Washington D.C. Temple) are told never to comment on what people are wearing when they attend the temple.  The only time I do so is to offer a compliment — and it’s fun to look for things to sincerely compliment.  You can really brighten someone’s day if you offer a compliment that’s unexpected and also is specific enough that the recipient knows it is sincere.

It may seem strange, but I think that there should be a bit of compassion when it comes to leg-wear for church.

I have heard many sisters mention that it is difficult for them to even to put on stockings — that is, if they can find stockings that fit or that are comfortable to wear.

In my case, I often wear the same clothing week after week, but I can't always afford to buy new stockings if my old ones wear out. I have one pair of tights that I have taken to repairing my hand when I get a hole in them.

I have learned that sometimes you have to simply be grateful that someone is at church. Some women aren't being disrespectful; they may simply have nothing else to wear.

Summer
London, Ontario, Canada

Thanks for your note of compassion, Summer.  We really don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives — even people who seem to have everything going for them.

Some of what is "correct" to wear to church certainly has to be determined by climate and culture, at least to some degree. 

Very few women in Florida or California wear hose, especially not in the summer.  A long skirt with sandals is pretty much what you will see in most meetinghouses in warm climates. 

As a YW leader, I try to be a good example and "dress up" for church.  No denim skirts, T-shirts, and tennis shoes or flip-flops! 

YW Leader

Thanks for your note, YW Leader.  I like your reminder that we can always set a good example — wherever we live.

Missionary standards, temple attire, Sunday go-to-meeting attire for sisters all require stockings. Also — not sandals, not open-toed dress shoes. Casual dress shows disrespect for the teachings of the prophets who always stress modesty. Why is it so difficult to follow the counsel and teachings of the prophets?

Carol in Nebraska

Thanks for your note, Carol — short, and to the point.  Here’s someone who agrees with you:

I agree with the sister who wrote about the inappropriateness of women wearing sandals and shoes to church without nylons. It just seems disrespectful to me. I have heard it mentioned several times in talks that women should wear hose when going to the temple but I’m not sure I’ve heard it mentioned for Sunday church meetings.

What really shocks me is the number of girls and women who wear flip-flops to church. I’m sure in some cultures this is appropriate but it’s just so casual to me. I admit there have been a few 100-degree Sundays that I’ve been tempted to wear a long skirt and sandals with no nylons. But I sit in front of the women in RS and feel like I need to be a good example.

I argue with my married daughters all the time about how casual they look and that they should be wearing hose to church, but they tell me it’s okay. I had to put my foot down when their brother got married and found out they weren’t planning on wearing nylons for the reception. One didn’t even own any and I had to go buy them for her. I’m in my late 50’s and wonder if this is just a generation thing? Am I making too big a deal of it?

And may I point out that as a young girl I loved wearing nylons because they made my legs look tanned and sleek. (My legs just looked tanned now!)

Lerie in Salt Lake

Lerie, I got a good laugh about your legs “just looking tanned now.” As for nylons, I wonder if it’s a generational thing. I’m your age, and I remember the days when women didn’t leave the house without a girdle — even if they were a size 2. I think of those as the dark ages! I wonder if our daughters (and I’m using “our” in the broad sense because I don’t have any) will look back on the days when people didn’t go to church without nylons and think those were the dark ages. Only time will tell!

I read with interest the letter from the sister who wrote about wearing stockings to church meetings and the temple.

This sister has obviously never lived in 1) tropical Africa, where purchasing stockings is not only impossible, wearing them is extremely uncomfortable or 2) South Texas in the summertime, where wearing pantyhose is sheer torture.

We need to remember this is a worldwide church, and imposing a US (or even an Intermountain West) dress standard on another culture is not what it's all about. I believe we are counseled to wear our best clothing (clean, mended and pressed) to our church meetings and temples. In warm, humid climates where wearing stockings is very uncomfortable, I see nothing wrong with well groomed bare feet and legs in dressy shoes or sandals.

That being said, the key phrase in the above is "dressy shoes or sandals." The definition of sandals does not include flip-flops, no matter how fancy they are. I really hate to go to church meetings and see girls, especially, in flip-flops. I want to ask them if we're going to church or to the beach. There is a place for nice footwear and a place for beachwear. Church meetings and the temple are not the place for beachwear — flip-flops.

I'm sure this response will go against many of your other replies, but my experience living in many areas of the world has taught me that what works in Salt Lake doesn't necessarily work in Kinshasa.

A Sister in South Texas

Having grown up in New Orleans, Sister, I can relate to the heat. There were many times I had to wash my long hair twice a day, just because of the humidity. People who live in areas where you can get cooler by sitting in the shade don’t have that same perspective, though. I’d be tempted to tell them to “walk a mile in our flip-flops,” but I am embarrassedly unable to do so.

I have to admit I had to actually go to dictionary.com and look up flip-flops. I didn’t know whether flip-flops are the plastic beach sandals that we used to call “thongs,” or if they are any kind of sandal without a back-of-foot support, so that the person wearing them makes a flip-flop sound when she walks. Dictionary.com wasn’t as helpful as I hoped it would be, so I’m still not sure — and I’m guessing that some of you have one concept and some of you have the other. That just may explain why there’s such a line in the sand about flip-flops, with some of you envisioning lime green plastic shoes and others imagining leather sandals that don’t have a back to them and that make a noise when you walk.

Here’s another viewpoint on “inappropriate dress”:

When sisters come to church in inappropriate dress, we should love them to pieces. At least they are where they should be. If and when we become close enough friends with them, we can make small suggestions or give them an article of clothing that is more in keeping with modest dress standards.

Don't try to change them overnight. You might just lose them entirely, and I think that would be worse than doing nothing at all.

Simple Solution

Thanks for a compassionate letter, Simple. I hope even those of us who are the most hard-lined about worship attire can comply with those rules of charity.

I am not one who enjoys wearing stockings, nor do I wear them except when truly necessary. Two of those times are when attending sacrament meeting, and when going to the holy temple. A letter was read to us in Relief Society reminding us to wear our Sunday best to the Sacramento Temple, which was soon to open. We were specifically called upon to wear stockings at these times. I took that seriously and reformed my dress from that moment on, and I am glad of it. I want to obey our prophets and leaders, and I am determined to do so.

I also remember a talk given by Elder Holland in 2005, addressing the young women.

"I make a special appeal regarding how young women might dress for Church services and Sabbath worship. … Our clothing or footwear need never be expensive, indeed should not be expensive, but neither should it appear that we are on our way to the beach. When we come to worship the God and Father of us all and to partake of the sacrament symbolizing the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we should be as comely and respectful, as dignified and appropriate as we can be. We should be recognizable in appearance as well as in behavior that we truly are disciples of Christ, that in a spirit of worship we are meek and lowly of heart, that we truly desire the Savior’s Spirit to be with us always."

[Read the talk in its entirety here]

I also remember one of the apostles discussing denim, and the fact that it is manufactured specifically for work or casual wear, and would not be appropriate for Sunday best.

I agree, and taking into account budget, and taste, I believe there are very few sisters that would have nothing else to wear to Church but denim.

It does matter what we wear, because it is the outward expression of our obedience, and our love of Heavenly Father by following his prophet.

I think I'm out of steam now, but I mean every word.

Thanks for being a forum. We are the better for it.

Worker Bee from Auburn (still on a mission)

Good to hear from you again, Worker Bee! And I was glad to be reminded again of Elder Holland’s talk, which stood out for me because it counseled girls of all ages to accept themselves in whatever physical shape they are in. That’s a talk even oldsters like me can stand to reread from time to time, and I was glad to have it brought to mind.

When I was looking for the link to Elder Holland’s talk, just for grins I did a search in lds.org on the word denim. I found a lovely New Era story that talked about wearing a denim skirt to church, as well as several articles about using denim in craft items. I didn’t find anything about denim as a fashion taboo, though. (This is not to say anything pro or con because I officially do not have any opinions in this forum: I’m just making an observation.)

I must say, I have seen some disturbing trends, mainly flip-flops, skin-tight muffin topsor men in sandals with a suit. It seems very disrespectful. I am also turned off by the trend of women wearing sky high heels only to have them off the majority of the day or putting their stilletoed feet on the seat in front of them in every class. I believe in some cultures this is acceptable (sandals and flip flops), but not necessary in upstate NY.

Onto the stocking controversy, not that easy to find tall, plus-size stockings, so in the summer I rarely wear them. Not to mention the rash factor in the summer. But I always go with freshly shaven, moisturized legs and a skirt or dress that is not highlighting the fact I am not wearing them. In the winter tights are much easier to fit for plus size.

Plus-Size Karen

AAARGH, Plus-Size Karen! I’ve barely scratched the surface on what constitutes a flip-flop, and now I’m dealing with muffin-tops! But I know you well enough to agree with you. Whatever they are, we shouldn’t wear them!

Here’s a fashion infraction that I didn’t even know we were committing:

My pet peeve in the area of modesty is the fact that women don't wearslips any more. When I was a girl, we would never have been allowed out of the house without a slip under our dresses. Ever since mini-skirts became the fashion decades ago, girls and women have given up on slips.

I believe that slips are a necessity because they giveanother modesty layer underneath clothes and they keep the look ofdress as it should be. I will never forget the teenager who came to the podium to give a talk in church. I was sitting behind her, and I could see her bra, bra straps, panties, and panty-lines. You didn't notice anything about the clothing except the underwear and its lines. Also, if a woman stands near the glass doors, everyone can see right through her clothing and her underwear shows through as well asthe outline of her legs. (Remember the photo of Diana after herengagement to Prince Charles was announced?)

I have to say, though, there are very few slips available in the stores and in catalogs. Slips for girls are non-existent. I would loveto see my granddaughters wear slips. They are often quite immodestbecause they have nothing underneath their clothing but panties, and when they run around after Primary, their dresses are the last thingthey think about.

As for dressing appropriately for church, I think wearing flip-flops is definitely taboo. They are too casual, and imply that the wearers are stopping off on their way to the beach or a picnic. They are often dirty, as well. Unnatural hair colors and over-bright clothing drawattention to a person, and do not show modesty in thought or dress. Onthe other hand, I would rather have a person come to church inflip-flops, with blue hair and loud polka dots rather than not come atall.

The standard might be that we wear clothing that does not distract from the spirit of the meeting. If your clothing is too tight, toolow, too ... whatever, then it should not be worn. Be comfortable foryourself as well as make others keep their minds on what is said andtaught.

Old Fogey

Wow, Old Fogey! I had no idea people weren’t wearing slips anymore. I guess that means I’m an even older fogey than you are. Bummer.

There is hope, though. I just checked on eBay, and as of this moment (the moment I’m writing, not the moment you’re reading), there are listings for 3158 women’s slips on eBay, with another couple hundred for girls. There were 3443 slips for sale on Amazon(we’renotjustbooksanymore).com, so you can even get your slips there. Lots of the kiddie slips at both locations were so fancy that your granddaughters would love ‘em.

Your comment about bright clothing was a knife to my little heart, however. Although I do not own a polka dot, I am a huge fan of purples and other opulently bright fabrics. Few things make me happier than a beautiful color. Perhaps I’d better mend my peacock ways.

The standard for church has always been wear the best you have. The stockings issue is a generational thing. Stockings are not worn with thevery best any more, but the legs and feetneed to be presented at their best and shoes should be clean and presentable.

There are safety and health codes thatcome into play when it comes to footwear in public places in the United States and many other countries. Yes, shoes need to be worn by adults and children— and they actually need tocover the foot. Flip-flops (shower shoes) arein violationof these codes.

What do we say when people who are notdressed in their best come to church? “We" (the general congregation) say, "Welcome to church." It is up to the priesthood or Relief Society authorities (f they feel it is necessary) to privately and lovingly present the standards of modesty and respect to the inappropriate clothes-wearer. Most people will quickly learn from the example of the other members what is acceptable and what is not.

And yes, it is different for different cultures and different situations.

The only time I felt that someone needs to be immediately counseled on their wardrobe was the teen with the bright T-shirt with Satanic images who came to church at the demand of a parent on a family occasion. It was a personal statement for hisfamily's benefit,I am sure. He wouldn't have been allowed to wear this shirt at any school in our area or most publicgatherings.At this point clothes becamemuch more thanbody covering anddetracted from the spirit of theservice.

Yes, there is a limit where clothes becomeunacceptable at church and something must be said. I have a daughter whocannot wearmanmadefabrics, and she served an honorable mission withno commentsor questions from anyone about her lack of stockings. She even attends the temple without stockings. Maybe the line of inappropriate clothing for church, like most gospel principles is deeper than, “Wear or don't wear stockings.”

Proud Sister-Missionary Mom in Seattle

I loved your comment about what to say to welcome people to church, Proud. That just about covers it, doesn’t it?

We recently had a man live in our ward who was covered with tattoos and who came to church in studded leather. He was just becoming active again, and he brought his girlfriend with him whenever he came. He had the best smile! Our whole ward was sad when he moved away, and I hope his new ward was able to look past the leather and the tattoos and see him for the person he really was.

Although I don't always care forthe stylesI see at church on Sunday, Ithink we need to remember that this is a church of converts, whether we're born in the Church or not. Not everyone is at the same place in their lives or in their conversion and I think we need to be careful of being too critical of those who don't have a full understanding of God's view of modesty.

True Christ-like love is loving people where they're at and allowing them the freedom to become who Heavenly Father wants them to become, in their own time and in their own way. Harder still, is lovingothers no matter what they choose to become — hate the sin, not the sinner. Although I agree that we should have standards and lovingly teach those standards, I think we need to be careful about judging others to the point where they are offended and leave the Church. Above all, our thoughts and actions should reflect our Savior and His love.

Kathy
Joplin, Missouri

What a wonderful letter, Kathy! You’re right, too. I don’t think perfection is going to magically happen to us when we leave this earth. It’s a process, and some of us are going to take a long time to become the beings we are destined to become. Who knows? It may take millions of years.

If that’s the case (and even if it isn’t), we should be supportive of people who may not be as far along the continuum as we are — if only because there are people looking at us in amazement at how far we have to go.

Your subject of dressing too casually on the Sabbath is one that has bothered me for years. We are not to judge so I don't say anything to the people that do this, but I hope to lead by example. Here are my pet peeves for those of us old enough to be in Relief Society.

Yes we should wear stockings/hose to church (exceptions are health issues and the last trimester of pregnancy) even Clinton Kelly from TLC's “What Notto Wear” said hose are appropriate in dressy and conservative situations. The church on the Sabbath is both of those things.

I live in a very hot summer climate. Temperatures of 103 and high humidity are not uncommon. But most of us are able to go from an air-conditioned home to an air-conditioned car to the air-conditioned church building. I have perimenopause and I am obese. If I can handle the heat, then I would think that an averaged-sized person could do the same.

I also realize hose are hard to find these days, but it can be done. (Target, Wal-Mart, Avenue and catalogs are just a few places where you can find them.)

That being said, hose are not appropriate with strappy sandals. We should wear shoes that are closed-toe, or nearly so. Strappy, sexy sandals are for evening and others are for summer casual wear. Also flip-flops are not appropriate even if they have a heel.

Now for fabrics —denim is not appropriate for church. We have been told to wear our very best clothes on the Sabbath. Most of the time a denim skirt or jumper is not a sister's best; it was chosen for comfort, style or cute factor.

While I'm at it khaki is not much better. Khaki is 100 percent twill cotton, which is the same as denim — just a different color. (Men also should be in slacks, not khakis, and no hiking boots.)

For example, Wal-Mart carries clothing that is church- and temple-appropriate for the same price and usually less than denim. So I know almost always it is not an issue of cost but of preference.

And lastly if you are cold in a church building you should not bring a blanket to wrap yourself in. Long sleeves, jackets or a shawl are so much better. Besides if sisters wore hose, proper shoes and a shawl they wouldn't need a blanket.

Ok there is my rant, vent what ever you want to call it. I do feel passionate about this. We are there to worship and that should always remind us to dress our best.

Dress Standards

Your letter said it all, Dress Standards. Thanks for writing.

One of our local Protestant churches had a billboard made up recently that said, “Even Jesus wore sandals to church. Come on over, just as you are.”

I struggle with the attitude that the clothing makes the man (or woman). I have seen bigotry in our ward clothed in stockings and fine dresses or suits. We have too much emphasis on the outer coverings and not in the Spirit of the Lord as we look at others who come to join us.

As I recall, there were many times and peoples in the Book of Mormon who focused on the outer coverings of the people and lost their focus on the Lord and His plan for us as his children. I personally feel this argument is part of Satan’s plan to distract us from our real purpose. Shame on us for even arguing about it.
Kathy B

I hope this discussion hasn’t reached the argumentative stage, Kathy B. But you’re absolutely right that evil can be clothed in beautiful (and appropriate) attire.

On one interesting Sunday I saw a counselor in Relief Society conduct the meeting while wearing a jean skirt and flip-flops. In my opinion, was this too casual? Yes, by a large margin. (And she was not a young girl who didn't know better.) What did I do about it? I felt judgmental and self- righteous. Who was more in the wrong? I think I know.

Although I applaud the desire to dress appropriately for sacred situations, I feel it does more if it comes out of an inner reverence rather than being afraid of what people will think. Many times we've had female investigators come to church wearing pants. If or when they join the Church, their dress gradually changes as a result of their testimonies andfrom the example of other sisters.I don't see any problem with this.

Many women who want to wear hose feel they can get by with wearing knee-highs with their dress or skirt. Honestly, if your dress buttons up the front or has any kind of slit in the back, you can see the top of your knee-highs, and that is much more bothersome than bare legs.

As far as sister missionaries’ and church employees' rules or requirements, if I were a part of those groups I would follow those requirements. For now I will continue to dress modestly and nicely for church (not wearing flip-flops, but often without hose). And I will try to be less condemning of people who don't dress as I feel they should.

Melissa
From the very Hot South

I’m sure a lot of us read your first paragraph, Melissa, and thought to ourselves, “I’ve been guilty of that.” I know I did! You are so right that the best motivation for what we wear should be an inner reverence rather than the condemnation of others. One naturally follows the other.

One thing I want to comment on is the Young Men who are blessing and passing the sacrament.

In our ward in Tempe, Arizona, several of the Young Men have been coming in long-sleeved shirts with the sleeves rolled up. That just hits me wrong; you roll up your sleeves to work, but only to keep them clean when doing messy work. That is the wrong sense when officiating at church.

We also have a problem with "flip-flops." The weather here is hot (it is still up to 100 degrees on Sept 20), so sandals are appropriate for the climate. But the most common footwear for all the young women and many adult women is flip-flops. I just cannot look at them as appropriate for church, and even less so for the temple.

CK

Thanks for writing, CK. The issue of the rolled-up sleeves is one I haven’t seen before — but then, I don’t live in Arizona!

Read on for a story of how one Young Man was treated when someone believed he was dressed inappropriately for church, and how it affected him. No, I know you’d never do this — but it’s a good reminder of how our smallest actions can have big consequences:

This article touches me deeply. When my fourth son was a younger teenager, we went shopping for a suit for him to wear to church. He was too large for a child's suit, and too small for a man's suit. We shopped all over Spokane and Coeur d'Alene in search of such "required" wear. In desperation, we finally chose a couple of very nice looking trousers. They were brushed denim — not jeans.

It appalled me to learn that the first Sunday he wore his new pants, the bishop called him into his office and chastised him for wearing "those pants" to church, telling him that he should wear a suit. Of course, I approached the bishop about it the following Sunday, but the damage had been done. It was the beginning of my son's disenchantment with church.

To this day, I don't believe that bishophas a clue as to the hurt he handed my son that Sunday.

Annie L. Martin

What a powerful letter, Annie! Thank you so much for writing. I hope one day your son will realize that although we are a community of imperfect individuals, being a member of this church gives us more joy than we can find anywhere else. Until then, your letter serves as a stern reminder of the influence — for good or for evil — that our actins have on others.

Here is our last real letter for the day, although it is followed by three short notes with factoids that may interest you. Readers, please do not send any more letters on this subject! We have more than enough to finish out the topic next week, so save your letters for our next juicy topic!

I read the Circle of Sisters column on Stockinged Feet and had to roll my eyes. Really, truly, if so many (sisters especially) are worried about what's up under my skirt they are most certainly not focusing on the Spirit — and most importantly they are not focusing on themselves. Are we so set in our traditions that we have forgotten the spirit of the matter?

The pamphlet "For the Strength of Youth" states: Immodest clothing includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, shirts that do not cover the stomach, and other revealing attire. Young women should wear clothing that covers the shoulder and avoid clothing that is low-cut in the front or the back or revealing in any other manner. Young men should also maintain modesty in their appearance. All should avoid extremes in clothing, appearance, and hairstyle. Always be neat and clean and avoid being sloppy or inappropriately casual in dress, grooming, and manners. Ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?”

There is absolutely nothing in there that addresses stocking, hose, footwear or even the material out of which our clothing is constructed! It only addresses the cut of clothing, which is to be modest, not revealing, and not inappropriately "casual or sloppy." I think we all know what the former refers to, but as the latter is rather vague; it can be left to some interpretation.

As an endowed sister with a nonmember husband, at whose church we alternate attending every other Sunday, I can tell you from experience that flip-flops (that can certainly become a crutch for some of the youth), the occasional thoughtless barefoot, and heaven forbid, t-shirts and denim skirts are a far, far cry from the strapless sundresses, cut-up jeans, shorts, and micro-miniskirts we have seen at his church (which shocks him, too!). Can we for once just be happy they are in church!?

For the older sisters, who is the clothes police for them? I own no skirts that touch my ankles because far from being modest, they look frumpy and sloppy on most sisters. What about the muumuus some wear? Are those too casual or sloppy, too? What makes stockings so darn wonderful and "dressy" anyway? Do they wear them in India, South America? Africa? Japan? Or is this just an American thing?
Does the Lord state anywhere whether a denim skirt is preferable to a rayon one? Is cotton knit better than polyester? I'm unclear whose standards are being followed by some here — the Lord's or a bunch of busybodies'?

And as for women in pantsuits, this one has bothered me. I will never wear pants to church or allow my girls to do so, but if some one comes in, whether as a visitor or as a long-time member bucking the tradition, I want the members to think: 1) Is this person where she should be? In church? YES! 2) Is the outfit modest? Does it violate any of our other "norms"? No? Then focus on you! Focus on your spiritual experience and let someone else focus on theirs. Put your eyes back in your head and move along, folks!

I do not see how we are to continue to move forward in this current century if we hold so fast to "traditions" at the expense of pushing people away from the Gospel. There are things we should and must hold true to — moral issues in these turbulent times, virtue, and faith — but blind social expulsion of brothers and sisters who do not visually measure up? How little can our spiritual lives be, if that is what we come to church to do?

Do our youth, who are stretching their wings and trying to find their own way in the Gospel, need to know that we love them as they are, or that we are going to shun them if they don't measure up? Do the signs on our chapels say, "Visitors Welcome as Long as You Know How We Dress" or do they simply say, "Visitors Welcome"?

What is the worth of a soul? Is it worth more than a pair of cheap stockings? I sure hope so — or maybe people do need to go to another church to find the pure love of Christ, which is charity, because it's obvious some have forgotten what that means!

Riled up in Texas

Thanks for a passionate letter, Riled. I’m glad you have the perspective of going to other churches as well as our own, so you know better than most of us what “casual attire” means in other churches. Thanks for the reminder that no matter what we think about church fashions, charity is the bottom line. It was a good way to end today’s letters about modesty.

Now, for those of you with an interest in facts, here are three very short, helpful, emails:

To answer your question, Kathryn, in Polynesia, men often wear lava-lava instead of pants.
Please check out the cover of the March 2007 New Era:

Connie Myers

Thanks for the information, Connie. I wondered if that was the answer, but I couldn’t spell lava-lava and was too lazy to look it up. Now that I’ve seen a picture, though, I feel lots better. I don’t know why pictures make all the difference!

This next one starts off as a letter about attire, but it ends with a great link:

I am surprised at the number of sisters of all ages wearing slacks or jeans to church. I was told when I got baptized that when in the chapel we should always wear a skirt or dress. Isn't anyone telling them anymore? We had a family in the stake that had no church clothes.A call was put out for certain sizes etc. and the family had the right clothes after that.

Iread an article one time about wearing too much denim. It was not considered okay for church. It is a casual fabric.

Clogs and flip-flops are not okay either.

In the back of sewing books you can find an ad for Coni (http://www.fashionpatterns.com/) who makes patterns up to 6x. She is a master at pattern-making. I had the privilege of taking a class with her. Also what you buy in the store has nothing to do with pattern sizes! Pattern sizes are larger than store bought clothes.

Virginia
Member of ASG (American Sewing Guild)
San Antonio, TX

I had never heard of Coni, Virginia, but I looked for her website and found it — and ordered a couple of patterns in the process. What a lifesaver for women of all sizes, and the clothing is modest and tasteful, too. Thanks so much for the link!

And finally, here’s a response that goes back to our column on clothing for plus size women, where Diane S. sang the praises of Susie’s Casuals and I had the sad task of telling her that Susie’s Casuals is now defunct:

I feel so dumb. I can't believe I made this mistake, but the store where everything is $5.99 or less is “Susie’s deals”, not Susie’s Casuals. They are in calif/nev/ariz/utah and are online too. P.S. Don’t trust the way they have things sized.

Diane S.
Anaheim, California

Thanks for correcting your mistake, Diane. And we all do that, so there’s no need for embarrassment. It’s good to know that people who live in the western portion of the United States have an expensive place to go for clothing they can actually wear.

Okay, readers , that’s it for today. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ANY MORE LETTERS ON THE SUBJECT OF APPROPRIATE ATTIRE FOR CHURCH.

See you next week. Until then — Kathy

Akhenaton (King of Egypt, 14th century BC)