We have a blended family with 8 children, six spouses, 25 grandchildren 15 to 30 years old, and 13 greats with three on the way. I let the new grandparents interact with their own grandchildren while I try to keep up with our four youngest under 18. We gave them educational gifts under age 12, a dollar for each year from 12+, and book or DVD for Christmas. Also luggage when they graduate from high school and $100 to help buy 1st time temple clothes. A gift for a new baby but that's all. Adults are on their own, and usually as college grads the parents make more money than we do. We pay $50/month for each missionary while on his/her mission. We had four out at the same time this year.
You need to go on a mission and then thing will change and they will have there own lives to live without all the gifts and cards. You will be to busy to do otherwise.
I'm the oldest remaining female in our family, and at 73, I'm less able to send gifts, etc. to all my siblings, their spouses, and their children and grandchildren, though I'd love to be able to do that. I finally let them all know that as much as I love my nieces and nephews, the great nieces and grandnephews, and the great grands, I just can't keep it up. I simply craft hand-made cards for the siblings for birthdays and anniversaries, and contact the others through Facebook when I can. Some of them do communicate once in a while, but some are too young, and so I check on them through their parents' FB page. I love them all to pieces, as my parents did, but the family has grown exponentially. My favorite thing to do is to see them at family reunions. My husband has 3 siblings to whom I also send handmade cards, and they're sweet enough to comment when they get them.
I agree with what Mr. Steurer has said. He said it nicer than I would have. I'm in the exact same boat with a 2nd marriage any many children and grandchildren. It is very unfair for your new husband to expect you to handle all the gift giving alone. That's nice his deceased wife handled all of it. But, he needs to step it up a bit. I agree this is a huge job! We have 25 grandchildren. I couldn't do the whole job without my husband's help. When the grandchildren get to be older (12+), we just give them cash and a card. When they are younger, we ask their mom's what the children would want. We have a cash limit on what we will spend. For the adults, we give cash and a card. We both write in the card. This arrangement might not be perfect for everyone, but it is the only way we can manage it. The shear numbers are exhausting. Good luck and get your husband involved! He needs the experience of it all too.
We have a similar situation with a blended family with nine grown children and now 28 grandchildren. I have most of the children. I stay in much better connection with my children and have learned to stop feeling guilty about trying to manage my husband's relationship with his children. Here is something that might help with the logistics: I got a chart with everyone's birthdays that is in the kitchen. We set a limit of $20 per grandchildren's birthday and $40 per child and child-in-law's birthday so everyone would be equal. We either send a check or if I can find a cool gift I know the child would enjoy, I order something from Amazon Prime. Having an equal expectation relieves much of the stress. If you can't afford that (our amount has decreased as the family has increased), choose an amount you can do. I keep a selection of 99 cent cards on hand and, yes, I put the cards for his children in front of my husband at times and ask him to get them sent off. I came late to his family and I'm much happier not managing his relationships with his children. Sometimes I will ask him if he has called his children lately, but they are all grownups and know how to use a phone.
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