I've never been a perfect mother. Like most mothers, I try really hard but somehow always fall short of the mark. In spite of this fact, I've always dreamed of having a perfect family home evening. To me, perfection would be when just one of my children would sit on the couch for a minimum of 30 seconds and hear at least one quarter of the lesson I've prepared. I've also fervently fantasized of a family scripture study where I expound great truths and my children listen in utter amazement and awe at the glorious principles which grace their developing minds instead of making comments about my husband's bushy eyebrows. I've had visions of neighbors flocking to our home to partake of the rich spirit that is ever present. But so far, it hasn't happened.
Once, I tried to teach my children to be good missionaries. I invited the neighbors to family home evening, thinking it would be a magnificent, cathartic experience for my guest and her children. But that wasn't what transpired. What did transpire was that my son poked one of her sons in the eye while doing a back flip off of the couch, and I had to shout my lesson over the top of nine children while I burned the family home evening treats. Afterward, my neighbor said, “Is it always like this? Why do you do it?”
Like I said, I'm far from perfect. Most of my amazing plans do not go the way I intend them to. But what gives me hope even though I fail constantly is this: I know that the Lord performs miracles through the least likely of his servants.
The reason I know this is because it is a pattern the Lord has used over and over in the scriptures. Joseph Smith was an uneducated 13 year old boy, and the Lord molded him into a mighty prophet who restored the true Gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth.
Nephi was asked to build a great ship when he had no prior ship-building experience or knowledge. Yet, through his determination to follow the Lord and unwillingness to give up, he was able to build a magnificent ship that weathered fierce storms and protected his family in their dangerous journey to the promised land.
Moroni was commanded to write the Golden Plates in spite of the fact that writing was his greatest weakness. When Moroni protested that he wasn't good enough the Lord said, " And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble ; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. " (Ether 12:27)
I, like Moroni , Nephi, and Joseph Smith, am an ordinary, imperfect person, trying to accomplish the mighty and sacred task of raising up righteous children in a failing world, with an enemy who never sleeps and who constantly tries to bind and enslave my precious ones. At times the huge list of all the things that I am expected to do seems like an overwhelming, insurmountable task, and I often feel as if the Lord has assigned me the impossible.
But then I remember that women who rely upon the Lord are not ordinary. I believe that when we put our trust in Him and do His work, the “least” of us will become the greatest of all, because we will rely upon the Lord to use us as an instrument, imperfect though we may be. It is then that the true miracle occurs, and the Lord shows forth his power, by making weak things become strong.
It is interesting to me to find out after all these years that life is not about accomplishing a checklist of things perfectly...it is about our partnership with the Lord in doing the list. How well we perform, I believe, depends upon our willingness to let go of our wills and just keep trying, doing our best and letting the Lord make up the difference when we fail. That is hard to do! But I believe our spiritual lives depend upon our willingness to do it. And when we do, we are no longer ordinary. The Lord will take the ugly little lump of clay that is our efforts and magnify it, until it becomes something "Glorious".
Our efforts becoming magnified through a partnership with the Lord is symbolized in the scriptures. In Luke, chapter 5, we read about Jesus calling Simon Peter to be His apostle. Peter and his associates had been fishing the entire day without success. They had taken not one fish in their nets. When Jesus saw this, he asked them to try again. Astounded, Peter said, "But master, we have toiled all the night and taken nothing..."(Luke 5:5) (Isn't this what we sometimes think to ourselves after the Lord asks us to keep going, when we have done our best as mothers and keep missing the mark?)
But then, something important happened. Peter let go of his will and his own mortal understanding of what was possible and said, "Nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net."(Luke5:5) Because Peter had faith, and put aside his own will, obeying Jesus' requirement to keep trying, a miracle occurred.
"And when they had this done, they inclosed a great multitude of fishes: and their net brake." (Luke5:6)
We mothers, like Peter, will witness a miracle when we obey Jesus' requirements of faith and obedience. He will magnify our lowly efforts into something marvelous to behold. To claim that miracle, we just have to keep trying. We just have to say, like Peter did, "Nevertheless, at thy word, I will let down the net". Perfection is not the key to this life, repentance is.
I am taking great comfort in the fact that failure was part of the plan. We were expected to come to earth and fail on our own power. That is why a Savior was provided for us. All we have to do is reach up our hand and let the Savior become our partner in this great work (become yoked with him) and then our burdens will become light and we will be able to accomplish what we came to earth to do. You, as a mother, no matter how imperfect, are a daughter of God marching forth to help Him accomplish His great and glorious plan. When you keep trying, you cannot fail. Become partners with Him, and he will make you glorious.
