Before my husband and I started a family, we decided on some things that we thought would be important to establish in order to raise the kind of family that we wanted to raise. One of these decisions was about how our children would dress. We felt it important to have them dress in a standard that would make it easy for them to adjust to wearing temple garments when that sacred and important time arrived in their lives. By having them dress modestly as infants and children, we felt it would be a way to teach them about the sacredness of their bodies and help them feel the importance of our beliefs.
This strategy worked well until our oldest daughter was about 11 or 12 years old. She wanted to wear tank tops, or at least sleeveless shirts to “play” in on hot days, or when she played sports. To some extent, we eventually caved in on this for exceptions like sports (she played softball), or to wear over swimming suits, etc. We also had the battle of the bathing suits. Nicole wanted to wear a two-piece bathing suit called a “tankini.” It wasn't like a regular bikini; it was more like a tank top with bathing suit bottoms. I couldn't agree to this one, because I would often see girls roll up their tankini top to expose more skin while sun bathing. In any regard, we did have to have discussions from time to time to clarify why we felt she should dress the way we asked her to dress.
Enter: our first heroes. Nicole would hang out in the neighborhood with a great group of friends from wonderful families. This was a mixed group that included both boys and girls. As parents, we appreciated that we knew where our kids were at all times, and we knew with whom they were with, both of which we approved. It was very fortunate for us that this particular group of boys were excellent priesthood holders with very high standards.
In conversation one day, these boys had expressed to the girls that they didn't like to see too much skin on girls. They didn't like tank tops or sleeveless shirts on girls in particular. Nicole never asked to wear a tank top or sleeveless shirt again. She is actually the oldest of four daughters, and since her sisters did not see her wear these types of clothes, we have not had any trouble with the younger sisters wanting to adjust our family's dress code. Those young men are our HEROES! They are all now serving the Lord on missions. Their input was highly influential to our family.
My next heroes are a group of PTA parents. The year before our oldest daughter entered high school, this group of parents approached the administration of the high school Nicole was to attend and asked that the dress code for the school be enforced for dances as well. It may have been an awkward transition year for both parents and students, but it was fortunate for our family that the temptation was never there for us to have to even have to discuss having our children dress differently than we were comfortable having them dress. We appreciate the involvement of these parents!
Recently, another local high school changed their dress code for school dances. This time, it was the student body officers who approached the school administration about upholding a higher dress standard for school dances. Oddly, there was opposition from many parents who did not want to buy more modest apparel for their children. Hopefully, these heroic students will gain the momentum for this excellent cause that will make it easier for other families (like mine) to raise their children in an environment that has a high respect for our bodies.
Although I know that there are many examples of heroes fighting for the cause of modesty, I will just give one more example. This is another group of parents who found out four years ago that the general school dress code was not being enforced at all. One mother, who had a son that was a junior in high school, asked her son how he felt about the fact that the school dress code was not being enforced. He responded, “It's okay mom, I just look at the floor when I walk down the hallway. When I sit at my desk, I just slide my books to the top of the desk so I don't see too much skin between the bottom of a girl's shirt and the top of her pants, and I know exactly where the clocks in the classroom are, so that I don't accidentally see down anyone's shirt.”
This mother was furious that her son had to make so many adjustments to his daily educational experience. She, along with a great group of parents, went into the school and helped the administration enforce the school's dress code. These parents stood outside of classrooms and escorted students who were not dressed properly to the main office and had rewards for students who were dressed according the school dress code.
They also began an annual fashion show, which is well choreographed and highly publicized, where fashionable clothing consistent with the school dress code is worn by the student models (male and female). Teachers at this school now have signs outside their classrooms that say, “dress code enforced here.” Thanks to the efforts of these exemplary parents, the trend of wearing inappropriate clothing at this particular school has been largely eradicated.
People have more power than they may realize in influencing their environment and in affecting the people around them. One need not be condescending or self-righteous in standing up for a better way. Modesty in dress and language makes an impact on communities large and small. We all can stand up and lead out in how we present ourselves, in how we teach and raise our families, and in how we get involved in our communities.
Phyllis Nielsen is a champion of modesty herself as the manager of Allyse's Bridal in Provo . Modest prom dresses can be found at beautifullymodest.com
