Defining Spirit and Soul

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The Sunshine Club
by Cindie Meincke and Peggy Proctor

My story is a very complicated one, though I feel I must try to put into words the events that changed my life and gave it new meaning and peace.

My first memory of an impelling need to be a missionary, was in Kindergarten. Yes, I was only five years old. I lived in a small community, comprised of mostly one religion, just north of Detroit, Michigan. My family had been members of that church for as far back as anyone could remember. I myself did not know that there was any other religion.

When my kind hearted elderly teacher [whose face crinkled sweetly from long loving years of teaching children] asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I boldly raised my hand and proclaimed to all that I wanted to be the "first female priest and a mom".

Imagine her stunned face. She recovered herself quickly, as teachers must, smiled a kind smile and responded the only way she could, "Why how nice —Are you sure dear?" [I can still see her-- thirty some years later and it still makes me smile.]--- I was sure. I envisioned a priest as a person who loved God so much! He gave comfort, taught of Jesus and helped others to find him in their hearts. There was no greater job than that! -- except of course---to be a mom.

My cousin Maureen and my little sister Sandy, had a little club that no one knew about. We loved God and we wanted to "shine the light" . We called ourselves the "Sunshine Club." We would go to the church and get water from the water fountain. Someone had told us that it was holy water and we believed it. We would take it back to the attic room in Maureen's house and have our own worship service. We three girls would devote our lives to God.

Funny how in our innocense we knew that this was going to be our important life’s work. Little did I know that not only could I not be a priest in the church, but a priest does not even marry! I then thought I would settle for being a nun until I was told that nuns don't get married either and that meant no children!

It was very unfair! I wanted to preach and tell others of Jesus. I had a hunger even then to be closer to Him. I had to find a way.

My parents were going through some very rough times and were questioning which church they needed to be a part of. They stopped going to church all together. When I asked my mother about it, she said, "Cindie, I believe in God, but I do not believe in our church. You will need to go out and find your own."

Every time I had gone to church, I hadn’t felt connected like the rest of my family had, ---why? Why didn't I feel right there?

I moved to the "Bible belt" in 1973. Being a Yankee and not of the predominate faith there, made me a target for "conversion". I needed to be saved or damned to hell. This was of great concern to me so I began to visit the local churches of all denominations. The revival meetings were thrilling and the music could raise the spirit. I loved music. Gospel music touched my soul like no other and the spirit of it would fill my soul. Then I was asked to be baptized and join their church.---- It is hard to explain how I felt other than to relate it to the air being let out of a balloon. I felt deflated and disconnected once again. I still had not found the church that would be my home. I kept searching. I found that no two churches were the same and none gave me the sense that I belonged. Though all gave me the great sense of God's presence, something was missing. It was as if I were doing a jig saw puzzle and was missing the key pieces.

I hungered to know more of Jesus and yet no one was able to give me the answers to feed my hunger.

The first time I heard of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had been when I was about eleven. My brother was to marry a young girl who was a rebellious inactive member. When I asked her about the Church she simply said, —"They believe Jesus went to see the Indians and there is another book of Christ". ---It made sense to me. Why wouldn't Jesus go to the Indians. The other thing she said was that the Mormons had a Prophet of God at the head of the church. ---Wow! I thought, a prophet! Just like in the Bible. --It all seemed reasonable. If only I had investigated the church then. ---If only she had been a better example to me, perhaps my path would not have been so rocky.

Ease Their Pain

As I grew to be a young woman, I lost faith in "organized religion". It seemed as if none of them understood the truths I felt in my heart. My questions only seemed to anger and confuse them. I was a square peg in a round hole. I found others who were searching, strangers who were known only to me as "brothers and sisters" in the world, looking for the same answers to the same questions. They were all lost and alone and in pain.

I began to speak of Jesus with the people in pain. They were people on drugs, on alcohol, from broken homes; they used whatever they could to ease the pain. I came into contact with them everywhere. They appeared drawn to me, strangers asking me questions as if I had the answers. It seemed as if I did. Great talks I had with people everywhere, always telling of Jesus and his love and forgiveness for us.

My sister told me she wouldn't take me to the parties she went to unless I promised not to talk "God or Politics" as if I could stop! Someone always drew me into it. I felt like they had been sent to me. Like the spirit had whispered to them "ask her your question" and they listened.

I tried not to be touched by the filthiness around me, but I found myself being pulled into the painful and frightening world of my generation.

Wherever I went, and what ever I did, I still felt I had been sent there to talk to some poor soul who had been lost and needed to know that Jesus loved them no matter what their circumstance. I knew he loved me despite my doing things I knew to be wrong. Unfortunately, I didn't care that I was doing them. I fooled myself into thinking that I was on my mission. I was helping others, yet I was the one that had become lost.

I should explain that since there was no "organized religion" in my family at this point and my father was not aging well physically and had gone into a state of depression where alcohol was his best friend. We were all very unhappy and lost. Our household was one of angry screaming, fighting, anger and despair. My parents would make efforts to pull us together , but since we no longer had Christ as the center of our family, we had no success.

I myself had been suffering from abdominal pain and was sure that I would never have children. When my doctor confirmed this possibility I was devastated. I felt that there was no point in being "good" any longer if I couldn’t have children, what did it matter? I did continue, however, to speak with My Father in Heaven everyday. He was my only friend during a long and painful time in my life. I cried out to Him in anguish. I wrote songs to Him, played my guitar and sang them as I sat on the roof of my house contemplating falling forward and ending all the pain.

Hope Shines through the Shadows

It was during this time that I was shown great truth and purpose. I mean to say that I had a vision. I can not describe the beauty and grandeur of the light that filled the room that I was in. Nor the great sense of peace, but it lives in my heart. I was given a gift that I could not deny, but nevertheless, ignored for many years. I was shown the vision a second time, but was not sure that I had not made it up in my state of despair. This is what I had been shown, --- three children. --- They were bright and beautiful, and I knew that they were mine.

As the years passed, I continued in drugs and despair, until one day, a man opened his front door ---and I saw my children in his eyes. It was then that I began to climb out of the pit I had dug, ---to find my salvation and make myself worthy of the vision I had been given.

My first son was conceived a year from that day, my daughter three years from that day and my third, a son, four years from that day. It was then that I knew God’s hand was working in my life. --- He had heard my prayers and had worked miracles. My children were my mission.

I spoke of God daily to everyone I saw and knew. The masses of lost and lonely people desperate and looking for his love in all of the wrong places. Many of them saw the great change in my life and how my faith in God had brought an answer to my greatest prayer. There were some I had told of the vision and had heard me describe in detail how my children would look. They saw me throw away the crutches of drugs and walk in the path that leads us home.

I must tell you that I have never been a great reader of the Bible, I found it too hard to follow, but I loved the stories and the truth that would find me, when I opened it for comfort. I knew that it was true, but there was much I still lacked.

Hopes Dashed

My husband could not give up the "bad habits" he had acquired along the way. He could have been really great, but his selfishness over took him.

He left me for another woman when I became very pregnant with our third child.

I couldn't believe it. How could Father in Heaven answer my prayer and than take it away? I felt like I was going crazy!-- my husband would call me in the night and tell me he loved me, then the next day deny it. He kept toying with me like this. He also gave us no financial support, nor came to see our children. I tried to exercise faith that he would straighten himself out; that God would work on him, but he got no better.

My son was born with colic and my sleep just disappeared. My [now] ex-husband wanted our kids and I knew that he was drinking and doing drugs and I did not know anything about the woman he was with other than he had met her in a bar. I wanted to give up and yet I knew if I did, I would be lost spiritually.

It was after two years of struggling with all this and getting no sleep, that I got very fed up and screamed at Father to take me home or stop the pain of my situation. I did a very stupid thing and wound up in the state mental hospital. My ex-husband married the "other woman" and got custody of my three children.

When I woke up and found that I was not in the presence of the angels, I knew that Father was not finished with me, but I also knew that he understood that I couldn't take any more and things were going to get better. I actually enjoyed my stay in the mental hospital. I got to sleep and I was still alive, but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I began to sing again only this time the songs were very specific " I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone" and "I am Woman Hear Me Roar". I spent time talking with the other people in the hospital and touched many lives, whose lives touched mine.

A Turning Point

One woman really helped me "wake up." Several years before all this happened, I was selling perfume for some scam operation. I did not it was a scam though and found myself meeting people of all walks of life as I went door to door selling knock off perfumes. One day I went into a jewelry store and met a woman who was shopping there with her mentally challenged daughter. I found myself listening to her testimony and of course I soon joined in the conversation in fellowship. I was so touched by the younger woman's testimony and left the store sometime later with the spirit in my day. ----It was this same woman that I met in the mental hospital. She had decided to stop taking her medication. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen. She became very violent and then was given something to settle her down that left her drooling in her chair. ----I was not like her; I had simply thrown a temper tantrum and ended up in this place. I tried to reach out to her and share that fellowship that still touched my heart, but she wanted nothing to do with me. She had let go. I was so glad that even in my darkest moments, I knew He was with me. How very blessed I really was.

My next step was to get myself together. My children needed me. I got a new doctor that said I was suffering from a bad divorce and he thought with all that had gone on, I was handling it pretty well. How about that! I had my children back within six months and the county arranged for child support.

A True Partner to Share My Journey

I had another long and heartfelt talk with Father. I realized that even though I knew that my ex-husband and I should have been together for all of eternity, he had just not chosen to. When that truth hit me, I was fine. I understood that I did not have to suffer for his choices. It was then that I made a list of the things that I was "needing" in a relationship. I knew that Heavenly Father understood that I needed a good partner. I knew what I did not want in a relationship and that Father would give me what I needed if I asked, so I had to decide just what that was.

I couldn't just say "someone to love." I wanted someone to love that I could respect who also loved and respected me.

I wanted someone to be my partner, who would respect my spirituality.

Someone to be the head of my family and lead them in the right direction with Father at the head of our family.

I had a very specific list for sure.

He had to have a background in engineering but not be an engineer so that he had a logical mind.

He had to have good credit and have held his job for a long period of time to show stability

He had to be respectful and loving, like hugs and be ok with me staying home with the children.

I told all of this to Father and felt much better. I expected it to take a while and so I was taken by surprise when I met him just a few weeks later. I was set up by a neighbor. I never saw it coming.

Given all that I had been through, I was not that willing to believe my luck. I put him off for another month. He didn't give up. I finally agreed to meet him on a hike with our children. Next we babysat for my neighbor and then I agreed to a date.

He was such a gentleman. He opened doors for me. We had a romantic dinner on the Chattahoochee river, yet he never even tried to kiss me or make unwanted advances. I was afraid he didn't like me.

On our second date he dropped me off at home and still had not even held my hand, I asked if he was ever going to kiss me. The smile is one I will never forget...the kiss was even better.

From then on we were always together. We moved in with each other a year later.

Drew's next door neighbor entered our lives. She had been trying to find a nice woman for Drew ever since his wife had left him, and his daughter. This neighbor was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I smoked then and every time she came over I felt guilty that I did. She said that it didn't bother her. ----The spirit was already at work with me. As usual, I shared my testimony of Christ. She seemed excited for me and shared some of the church doctrine with me. She was never very pushy, but the idea was stirring. ---

The Spirit at Work

Drew and I had decided to begin finding the right church for our new family. We still weren't sure if marriage was going to work for us, only because we had both had horrible marriages before.

We began with several local churches, discussed what we liked and didn't like, but none were too fulfilling.

Drew then asked me if I had ever checked into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I realized that I had not and was amazed at that. How had I missed that?

So it began. Audry, our neighbor, had given me a few novels to read, such as, "The Pillar of Light". My love for history took over. I was open to learn more.

We agreed to see the missionaries, but missed a few appointments until--- a new missionary came to our area.

The moment I saw this young man I was struck with the thought " I have a lot of work to do. I have found my home."

To tell the truth. I had understood many of the principals all my life and had been teaching them to the people I met all through my life. I had not come in contact with any church that understood what I did and I fully expected to teach the missionaries as I had the many other missionaries I had met with over the years. These young men were different however, they not only understood what I did, but they had even more for me and I was already anxious to share!

Here was the clarity and further knowledge I had been seeking. I was ready to be baptized. There was just one problem.----

The bishop came over with one of our missionaries. I will never forget that night.

The two of them sitting across our dining room table. One smiling and one quiet and somber. Elder McOmber smiled and said to me. "We are so glad that you desire to be baptized, --- but, I am afraid that we can't." His face was so sweet when he said it, like he was telling me how glad he was that it hadn't rained today or something. I was stunned.

What did he mean, he "couldn't baptize me?" Other churches were begging me. I had a great spirit and would be a great addition to any church. I was just looking for the right one and now that I had found it they weren't going to let me???? I was incredulous.

I am sure my mouth dropped to the floor as I turned to the soft spoken quiet bishop sitting beside the young elder, who explained that I was not living in a manner that was proper. I needed to rethink my living arrangements.

This meant that I was going to have to marry Drew or go home to my mother yet again. The Bishop then asked Drew if he had even read the book of Mormon. Drew replied "no" and the bishop asked him how he could be investigating something he hadn't even read.

All of this was very true. We knew it. But we didn't want to face it right away. It took a few months, but Drew started reading and we kept taking the discussions. We would talk late into the night.

"Do you think it is really true?" Drew would ask. "Yes, I can't explain it , but I have this overwhelming sense that it is true. We have a lot of work to do...a lot.

When I opened up the Book of Mormon and read the testimony of Joseph Smith, I read many of my own experiences and I gained a testimony of the truth of this work."

Springing Forth from the Depths

We got married on the first day of spring in our county seat in front of the magistrate judge with our children and our parents to witness. Drew and I went out into the chilling spring air and read our own vows in the gazebo that stood in the town square. It was so romantic and everything I could have ever wanted. I had the man of my dreams, the family I had prayed for and now I was ready to be baptized.

My oldest son who was eight and I were baptized the day of General Conference April, 8, 1998. It was awesome. The day of my confirmation was special too. Since I was a convert, I went up in front of the ward. --- I don't know what I was expecting. --- Great light as in my vision, heralding trumpets, a rushing charge of the Holy Spirit?

It was none of that. It was just a warm glow and happy fulfillment.

That night however I had an amazing dream.----- I was standing next to my new husband.

He turned to me and said, "come on we are going shopping for our new home""

He took my hand and we went underwater together past many homes.

It looked like any other street except that we were under water.

We stopped at none of them. He then turned me into his arms and pointed me towards the heavens.

We shot out of the water and into the firmament.

He held me so tightly it was as if we were sealed together.

I was blissfully happy! --- At that moment I awoke.

I lay on my back on the other side of the bed from my husband.

I found that he had awakened at the same time I had.

He looked over at me and I said , "I had the wildest dream.!"

His response struck me at my soul.

"Where did we go?"

Not "what happened?"; "Was it a nightmare?" or any such question, -- but

" Where did we go?"

We went together into the heavens. Sealed together for Eternity.

Drew and I went on our honeymoon the next weekend. We were going somewhere with a lake so that we could go out in our canoe. We drove for ever up this one-way dirt road alongside a mountain. I hated it. I was afraid we would get stuck and I wouldn't get to church on Sunday to receive the gift of the holy Ghost and be sustained. I prayed for a miracle.

When Drew and I got to the gate of the park, it was closed. I was so happy! I am afraid I made it very clear to drew too. We looked at the map and I found a Park not to far from where we were that had a lake. It was not to far from Missionary, Georgia. I told Drew that had to be a sign to go there.

We made it there in a very short time. It was beautiful. There was water, electricity, and bathrooms, just what every woman wants when she is camping on her honeymoon. The best part was the spot we found to camp was on the edge of a beautiful lake. It was a little slice of heaven with a full moon reflecting in it's calm clear waters.

Moon’s Light and Fire’s Glow-- Lighting the Way

Drew had still not been baptized. His brother had married a "Mormon girl" twenty years earlier and that had not gone over well with his parents, faithful in another church. He did not want to alienate his parents, yet he felt the truth pulling him. He also wanted some tangible evidence. When a young Elder transferred into our ward our other missionary told us to fire our questions at him, so Drew did.

"Where is an archeological site if this is true?" The young Elder spoke of an "Old Fort" that was around here, that we could check out.

I had never heard of it and had searched the internet. I found nothing. We just let it go because he was a new missionary and we thought he just didn't know what he was talking about.

Drew had started reading the book of Mormon. He had even found a chapter that really interested him that he wanted to share with me. We spent the evening of our honeymoon reading of the Brother of Jared. It was wonderful to sit by the firelight and read to one another, the truth touching us both so that we discussed it long hours into the night wrapped in each others arms to hold off the cool wind that was whipping around our campsite.

When we were ready for bed, Drew asked me, " Isn't it Good Friday?" "Yes" I replied . "Huh, that is really wild."

"What?" I asked. "Look."

He wrapped his arms around me and directed my attention to the campsites around us. All over the hillsides were campfires burning and in their lights were the cross shaped poles to hang the food up from the bears.

The light from the campfires lit up the crosses and gave off the most incredible glow.

We turned our gaze upward to the star filled sky and our own "cross," and found a giant full moon behind it.

It was incredible!!

The crosses represented to us the crucifixion of Jesus. [That is an important symbol of "Good Friday" for the Catholics. ]

It felt as if Jesus himself were saying to us, "I am here. What you have read is from me." The crosses in their multitude, "shouted" of Jesus and his atonement. We felt wrapped in the spirit of truth.

It filled our hearts and we knew the church was true and our marriage was right.

We awoke the next morning and went to the Rangers station to pay for our site. They had been closed the night before and we had wanted to find out more about the area so we could go hiking.

"Have you been up to the old stone fort?" the woman ranger asked us.

Well, the goose bumps were everywhere and it wasn't from the spring breeze of the mountain air.

"The what?" We were at Fort Mountain or otherwise known as "Old Fort Mountain."

Located at the tail end of the Appalachian mountains. A good walk from New York, but in a direct line from where the Plates had been found. I looked at my husband in amazement. We had to go and see it.

Sure enough at the top of the mountain trail was an old stone wall that is estimated to have been built around 500 A.D. The Cherokee told of a white skinned people that had built it before them. The wall had a half moon shaped curve every so often that they didn't understand, but felt it was a special place so the young Cherokee Indians would go and stay there on their honeymoons. It was just what Drew needed.

Afterwards I asked him,

"Coincidence? I think not!" I said that a lot while we were investigating.

I don't believe that anything happens by accident. Especially when we are seeking answers. The spirit moves us and helps us get just where we need to be, even when we don't have a clue how to get there.

Finding the "old stone fort" was just the last "coincidence" in a long line.

Drew didn't need any more to tell him what was in his heart. He had known for a long time.

Now that the answer to his question had been presented to him in such a profound manner, it gave him the

strength he needed to join the church. Drew was able to find peace in his decision.

Drew was baptized two weeks later.

The Holy Ghost was at work and Drew's mother was not too upset with our choice in churches. I am sure she would have preferred us to be of her faith just as I will with my children, but I think she could see the wonderful changes that were already at work in our little family. She knew we needed to be of one faith to work together. She has even been of great help to me in my work on the family history.

Drew and I were sealed sixteen months later in the Atlanta, Georgia Temple.

Our children have not been sealed to us just yet, but we know that the time will come. Drew was able to baptize my daughter in 2001 and my two sons in 2002.

It took us a long time and a lot of pain to get here. We often think if only we had followed the spirit to begin with, we might have found each other earlier and skipped all the hardship, but it would not have been the same.

We would not have known the joy, had we not known the sorrow.

Some of us just need a harder lesson than others.

Our lives continue to draw closer to Father. We have a real family now. Jesus is at the head of that. We begin each morning giving thanks for the sacrifice he made so that we can go home as a family for Eternity.

We have a different view of marriage now.

When one looks at marriage from an eternal perspective,

The little stuff just doesn't seem like such a big deal.

I have such peace with Drew. I know our family is going to have

hard times. One can't escape that, especially when blending two

families together, but all of my experiences have taught me that

what I have found in the Gospel is true.

I am so grateful to Joseph Smith for restoring the gospel and

to Father for letting me wait to come to earth at this time.

It is my greatest love to serve Him.

Each morning I pray that I may speak His words

and help others to see the way.