Not all of us will be able to marry in this life. Furthermore, some of us will end up divorced with little prospect for remarriage in this life. I know people in both situations. Marriage is a union between men and women. Blaming one gender or the other for singleness, while perhaps understandable, is certainly counterproductive. Personally, I think we have absorbed too many attitudes about relationships and marriage from the broader non-Mormon culture. This adversely affects both genders.
I am not a particularly happy person. However, my divorced status is only a part of the reason for that.
Question for Rick Calder
What do you mean by superstitous childhood?
Lie # 5. The only single worth pursuing is an LDS single.
Having traveled around my own country and another 30 countries around the Globe, I have tried to make the most of my time being single.
I have kept my eyes open for someone that I would be interested in, where that someone would be interested in me.
I live in a sparsely LDS populated, wealthy and beautiful part of the World. Most ladies I see that I find attractive in the church my age, are happily married, and rightly so.
I am currently in the USA in a small country town studying to enter the oil and gas industry, to secure a higher paid career. There are even less LDS here than back home... Ironically.
My heart goes out to the other singles who haven't ever been married and may not do so in this life.. I'm happily divorced, I say happily because I learnt a great deal through it, that has freed me from much of my superstitious childhood.
Lack of hope deprives you of wonderful chemicals and associated happy healthy feelings that only your brain can produce. It not only robs you, but also people around you. Research is available that shows even neighbors of happy people are uplifted by knowing they live close by. So don't let negative thoughts creep in. Research also shows that non-medication approaches to depression are at least as effective as pharmacology. Get plenty of sleep, aerobic exercise often, forget about smile caused wrinkles!
Have faith that God is bigger than your problems, cast your net on the other side of the boat sometimes, smile often and most important... make those married people jealous! It's not always greener in the other pasture!
Brilliant! Thanks for writing and sharing!
Finding oneself repeatedly single is not a punishment but, it is certainly a challenge; the insights it provides into the very heart of those who serve, is priceless.
How about NOT redefining leaving mom and dad to make a successful marriage. How about the many women who want marriage only on their terms. Like the countless LDS women who have told me their careers are first and that maybe they'll take off for a short time to have babies and get back as soon as possible. That they WON'T leave their mothers in Utah to move to where my job is, in another 'few members' state, even though I am the main wage earner. That I can come home to do the cleanup and cooking until THEY get off work or until they decide to come BACK from Utah after they've visited mom and racking up debt. This has happened to me several times with these "Mormon princesses" over the last five years. I get this from the 25-30 year old group. WHAT Gives with this immaturity? No wonder I am still single in my mid 30's.
great job, as always..I think that is the point Bob, people need to stop saying and believing these lies and false teachings, statements and beliefs that can cause deep hurt, heartache, despair if believed by the person who is single as well as their associates.
Erin, this is a wonderful article. I would just add that you don't have to be a young single to have these thoughts. Everyone, whether single or divorced or widowed, of any age, will have those same feelings. I think it is part of human nature.
My wife used to say that all the good ones are either married or gay.
For an article purporting an understanding of the challenges of being single, I found the first section incredibly disappointing. Here you talk about how single people should be happy in their situation, should depend on the Lord, and should delight in life. Then you throw in a zing at single men that almost made it seem that the first part of that section doesn't even apply to men. The VERY same thing could be said for many women. I see many enjoying girls' nights out at the expense of saying yes to a date, traveling, and yes, FREE meals that come with dating and never committing, at least many more meals than I have ever enjoyed as a single man. Maybe replace video games in that quote with consumerism, or shopping, or reality romance tv, and it could be spot on. Next time you offer an article written to comfort women only and putting the onus of not being married on men, state it in the title. I am now happily married, but was single for a longer time than I would have liked and I served as an Elders Quorum President in a mid-singles ward for a lengthy period of time. It was such a privilege to associate with the caliber of saints in that quorum. There are so many men that are doing all they know how to do and working their tails off trying to find somebody. They make the efforts at asking others out, take the chances, take the rejection, and then come to church or read articles looking for comfort only to be bludgeoned over the head for being at fault. There are also many women working their tails off. All I offer is that maybe it isn't incredibly helpful to offer comfort to one gender with a passive attack at the other. It is tough on everybody.
If you wish to get married, and cannot find an LDS person, find someone who is not! I married a Russian Orthodox.
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