I disagree we are just what we need for our children. I think Christ makes up the difference. My mother is incapable of love and severely abused us as children. We did not need that to grow. Heavenly Father did not place us there to help us. He just could not take away her poor choices and we pay and paid the consequences. It is egotistical to claim we are the best parents for our particular kids. Yeah if I ruin my kids and neglect and destroy their lives through selfishness don’t soften my guilt by saying god intended it that way. You and I will pay the consequences of our lack of parenting. We may be forgiven but we still pay the consequences. My mom has very poor relationships with all of us as a direct result of her choices. She may one day be forgiven but the consequences of her actions will linger for generations.
SixtersMay 13, 2018
I also struggled with infertility and painful Mother's Days for many years . Now, I have 5 beloved daughters with families of their own - and Darla, your article is the best Mother's Day gift we received! Your message is balm for our souls in all our different experiences.
Pamela SmithMay 13, 2018
How about we celebrate the fact that every single one of us HAS a mother? How about we give honor and offer grace TO HER for her efforts and sacrifice, WHETHER OR NOT she was perfect? How about we stop the ad nauseum focus on self and instead look outward to all those people who have been "like a mother" to us? And if, truly, none of those people exist for us, how about we focus on who WE can "be like a mother" to?
How about we acknowledge the fact
TraumatizedMay 11, 2018
My second Mother's Day in the Church 26 years ago, I spent without a mother or father on this earth anymore, grandparents had passed away long before. I am an only child and my 12 year marriage recently had to end when my body clock was timing me out with no children of my own. Every mother in Sacrament got a flower that day. The celebration was a sharp stab to my heart. Somehow I got through the meetings, later went home and sobbed all day. That was my last Mother's Day in Church. My current Bishop said that he won't focus exclusively on mothers for mother's day for the precise reason the childless women have commented. He said, "the first purpose of Mother's Day Sunday is always the SACRAMENT and to honor Christ. Any woman over the age of 18 should be honored because they all have motherly instincts as they serve in any calling or generally through their lives. He honors all women." I may just return to Church on Mother's Day as long as he is Bishop.
LeahMay 9, 2018
My oldest daughter said it best to her (temporarily) infertile sister "Think you hate Mother's day now? Wait til you have four kids, then you'll really hate it!" Now we just laugh about it all. Mother's day is hard for a variety of reasons
AnonMay 7, 2018
Sometimes I think it would be better to not focus on Mother's and Father's Day at church. Too many people are left out. Kids who don't have mom and dad around already feel the pain enough at church. It's not just folks with no children.
Maybe it would just be nice to talk about Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father in Sacrament Meeting on those days.
JulieMay 7, 2018
If you are a mother, remember that feeling guilt is not from the Spirit. Allow your kids to talk about how great you are; as they get older, you may not hear it as much. Don't we brag on our kids? So, let them brag on you once in awhile. You are the perfect mother for them. You have been given each of your children for a reason - you are not their mother just by happenstance. Some hours in a day we are great moms and other hours in the day we may be terrible moms. Think of the other women who will have to wait to have children in the next estate. Thank God for your children.
JemezblueMay 7, 2018
I also used to cry and throw minor temper-tantrums on Mother's Day, because I am not married nor do I have children. I was raised in the church and I have lived the gospel principles all my life, but no one wanted to date me enough to get to know me in order to get married. However, on my angriest moment in church, my bishop told me that Mother's Day is the hardest Sunday of the year for them. It is hard to see good women get hurt over the day for multiple of reasons, mine only being one of them. Today, I enjoy my callings in church and in teaching the teenagers in Sunday School. AND I enjoy the freebies because my ward wants to thank me for my work and dedication to them and the church. It is a good idea to use Mother's Day to celebrate the goodness of God and our Heavenly Mother, instead.
Single SisterMay 7, 2018
I understand all that you are saying, but there are those of us that have never been married, never had children and now will never have children. Mother's Day is TORTURE for me at church because not only do I have to hear all about wonderful, eternal families but I also get pitied by the people around me and get talked down to "Well, you know, Heavenly Father will give you everything in the next life that you don't have here". Right, keep saying it year after year - it will make things SO MUCH better (not). So I decided to talk to Heavenly Father about it and we both agreed that for that - for my mental health if nothing else - I will skip Mother's Day services and enjoy my day, rather than crying all day. He understands.
Linda HardyMay 7, 2018
I used to cry on Mother's Day, because I didn't have any children. Then I finally had children. And they grew into teenagers and we're asked to give talks on Mother's Day. And Mother's Day became a different kind of suffering, because my kids told stories about all the goody things I did. You can't win.
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LawnieJuly 23, 2018
I disagree we are just what we need for our children. I think Christ makes up the difference. My mother is incapable of love and severely abused us as children. We did not need that to grow. Heavenly Father did not place us there to help us. He just could not take away her poor choices and we pay and paid the consequences. It is egotistical to claim we are the best parents for our particular kids. Yeah if I ruin my kids and neglect and destroy their lives through selfishness don’t soften my guilt by saying god intended it that way. You and I will pay the consequences of our lack of parenting. We may be forgiven but we still pay the consequences. My mom has very poor relationships with all of us as a direct result of her choices. She may one day be forgiven but the consequences of her actions will linger for generations.
SixtersMay 13, 2018
I also struggled with infertility and painful Mother's Days for many years . Now, I have 5 beloved daughters with families of their own - and Darla, your article is the best Mother's Day gift we received! Your message is balm for our souls in all our different experiences.
Pamela SmithMay 13, 2018
How about we celebrate the fact that every single one of us HAS a mother? How about we give honor and offer grace TO HER for her efforts and sacrifice, WHETHER OR NOT she was perfect? How about we stop the ad nauseum focus on self and instead look outward to all those people who have been "like a mother" to us? And if, truly, none of those people exist for us, how about we focus on who WE can "be like a mother" to? How about we acknowledge the fact
TraumatizedMay 11, 2018
My second Mother's Day in the Church 26 years ago, I spent without a mother or father on this earth anymore, grandparents had passed away long before. I am an only child and my 12 year marriage recently had to end when my body clock was timing me out with no children of my own. Every mother in Sacrament got a flower that day. The celebration was a sharp stab to my heart. Somehow I got through the meetings, later went home and sobbed all day. That was my last Mother's Day in Church. My current Bishop said that he won't focus exclusively on mothers for mother's day for the precise reason the childless women have commented. He said, "the first purpose of Mother's Day Sunday is always the SACRAMENT and to honor Christ. Any woman over the age of 18 should be honored because they all have motherly instincts as they serve in any calling or generally through their lives. He honors all women." I may just return to Church on Mother's Day as long as he is Bishop.
LeahMay 9, 2018
My oldest daughter said it best to her (temporarily) infertile sister "Think you hate Mother's day now? Wait til you have four kids, then you'll really hate it!" Now we just laugh about it all. Mother's day is hard for a variety of reasons
AnonMay 7, 2018
Sometimes I think it would be better to not focus on Mother's and Father's Day at church. Too many people are left out. Kids who don't have mom and dad around already feel the pain enough at church. It's not just folks with no children. Maybe it would just be nice to talk about Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father in Sacrament Meeting on those days.
JulieMay 7, 2018
If you are a mother, remember that feeling guilt is not from the Spirit. Allow your kids to talk about how great you are; as they get older, you may not hear it as much. Don't we brag on our kids? So, let them brag on you once in awhile. You are the perfect mother for them. You have been given each of your children for a reason - you are not their mother just by happenstance. Some hours in a day we are great moms and other hours in the day we may be terrible moms. Think of the other women who will have to wait to have children in the next estate. Thank God for your children.
JemezblueMay 7, 2018
I also used to cry and throw minor temper-tantrums on Mother's Day, because I am not married nor do I have children. I was raised in the church and I have lived the gospel principles all my life, but no one wanted to date me enough to get to know me in order to get married. However, on my angriest moment in church, my bishop told me that Mother's Day is the hardest Sunday of the year for them. It is hard to see good women get hurt over the day for multiple of reasons, mine only being one of them. Today, I enjoy my callings in church and in teaching the teenagers in Sunday School. AND I enjoy the freebies because my ward wants to thank me for my work and dedication to them and the church. It is a good idea to use Mother's Day to celebrate the goodness of God and our Heavenly Mother, instead.
Single SisterMay 7, 2018
I understand all that you are saying, but there are those of us that have never been married, never had children and now will never have children. Mother's Day is TORTURE for me at church because not only do I have to hear all about wonderful, eternal families but I also get pitied by the people around me and get talked down to "Well, you know, Heavenly Father will give you everything in the next life that you don't have here". Right, keep saying it year after year - it will make things SO MUCH better (not). So I decided to talk to Heavenly Father about it and we both agreed that for that - for my mental health if nothing else - I will skip Mother's Day services and enjoy my day, rather than crying all day. He understands.
Linda HardyMay 7, 2018
I used to cry on Mother's Day, because I didn't have any children. Then I finally had children. And they grew into teenagers and we're asked to give talks on Mother's Day. And Mother's Day became a different kind of suffering, because my kids told stories about all the goody things I did. You can't win.
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