The following is excerpted from an interview that the LDS drummer of Neon Trees, Elaine Bradley did with Fight the New Drug. To read the full article, click here.
I always envisioned ending up with a “good guy,” which naturally implied that he would shudder at the thought of viewing porn. It wouldn’t even be attractive to him because he would see it for what it is, and be horrified. If he saw a billboard with a half-naked woman on it, he would be sad, and think about how she is somebody’s daughter; because hey, that’s what I do.
I’m married to a good guy. I’ll lead with that. But my expectations made it hard for him to be honest with me about his true reactions to and feelings about porn.
I remember having a conversation before we got married about his experiences with porn up until that point. He definitely rounded down, and I definitely was happy to hear him do it.
The first time I realized I didn’t understand him was when we took our honeymoon for 5 days in Vegas. Billboards of busty ladies everywhere. I would look more closely, analyze, and vocalize my confusion that anyone could be turned on by THAT. I would talk about how the Thunder Down Under billboards did nothing for me. Yuck. Meanwhile, Sebastian averted his eyes and kept mostly quiet.
Little did I know that I had created a very unsafe space for him to talk candidly with me about porn, and the conflict it caused him. I eventually realized this through several conversations over the course of several years.
Here’s what I could have done differently:
I should have talked to him about porn with no preconceived notions about what I wanted his answers to be.
To read the full article on Fight the New Drug, click here.