I can feel the frustration in some of the comments and it makes me sad.
Things I've learned from my experience:
*I've overcome most of the things listed in the article/comments. My husband was supportive. I'm glad I realized it was my responsibility to overcome my problems (not his responsibility to fix them) and it was really unfair to hold out on him. Stepping out of my comfort zone and trusting and communicating with a good man made a big difference.
*Men and women are wired differently. So while my husband is always at the ready, I'm easily distracted by my responsibilities. It would be easy to come up with an "excuse" but it's not wise. When I put "us" as a priority, I'm always glad and the benefits outweigh the time/effort.
I'm grateful my husband was patient and kind while I figured it out. I would have missed the richness of a deeply fulfilling and beautiful intimate relationship.
Elizabeth and Louise
Maybe you missed the point that I have had over 40 YEARS of being patient. As I think Gary and Grandpa have had the same experience. My wife has never told me of any sexual trauma and I doubt there is any in her history. Nor has she ever complained of me not being a good lover. I have always been gentle. My point is that I believe that most women have the sexual selfishness that you seem to refer to, and other excuses are used (Not tonight I have a headache or it's not going to happen.). I got the book, "They were not ashamed". My wife saw it and said, "Why are you reading that? Don't expect me to read it, ever. There's nothing wrong with me." However, my wife for the most part is very pleasant.
I think that women need to think about that "For time and all eternity". If men were not thinking about it, they would have been long gone.
The commenters so far (Joe, Grandpa, Gary) have completely missed the point of the article. Laura M Brotherson's latest book is obviously focused on keys for men having a better intimate relationship with the women they have vowed to be with for time and eternity.
What I see from these comments is selfishness based purely on their own sexual gratification, which isn't going to foster intimacy on any level. No one wants to feel like an object to mop up someone else's needs. Mutual respect is needed, not keeping score.
Yes, Joe, many women have been been sexually harrassed, abused, assaulted, and the shame can be so great that they don't tell anyone about it. The damage and trauma manifests in different ways and times, but compassion and patience can help with healing. Being excoriated for not being able to "just get over it" on someone else's timetable is counter-productive at best.
Have you three read her first book..and they were not ashamed? If not, read that before knocking her book just about women. She is doing a mans book next. Go to her website and research before whinging.
No wonder your wives have given up on sex
Learn to be a good lover!!
It doesn't just happen
Joe is correct, Laura. Although you say "couples" should know and read each other, all your examples are oriented to the female and her needs only. In this era of "Advantage to the feminine", you come across as just another "Chicken Soup for Women Only". "Helping" one gender at the expense of the other will never produce the outcome of unity and happiness you say is the purpose of your counseling.
Your may write Joe and me off as disgruntled males, BUT we have current events that show us the consequences of the "forgotten man".
I read all of your articles Dr. B and find them very interesting. After reading this one, I began thinking "Has every woman out there been sexually scared or molested.? Why can't we talk about the sexually starved husband out there that has been waiting for his wife to thaw herself out and think about her husband?
I am surprised that women think their husbands will just wait till the wives unfreeze.
It has taken over 40 yrs for my wife. If I complained about waiting 3 -4 weeks, she would just say, "Be glad for what you get."
I have felt like I was groveling .
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