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August 9, 2022

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Michelle LinfordMay 11, 2016

Phil Harrison and the Goodwins, thank you for sharing more resources. Bro. Harrison -- I recently shared a link to your book with someone who had asked for some help and information. Repenting vs. Repented -- one thing that this series seeks to address is the reality that repentance is real, important, possible -- all of those things. But that doesn't necessarily equal recovery. Being sober from sexually inappropriate behavior can allow someone a temple recommend, but all too often these behaviors can reappear when recovery has not been sought. Recovery gets beyond the behavioral change to the root issues that drive addiction, or that can exist even when a person is sober. Those root issues are ones that can impact a relationship and the likelihood (or lack thereof) of relapse. My observation has been similar to yours that when people truly have found *recovery* they have tremendous capacity for love and empathy, and are powerful instruments in God's hands. This series encourages education about what recovery is and looks like. For more info on the notion that repentance is not the same as recovery , see the book by Don Hilton called _He Restoreth My Soul."

CharlieBrown2292May 4, 2016

Understandably, women who have been victims of abuse will tend to consider all men as a potential threat. But with so many among our youth being exposed to porn at a tender age, this issue has still to be dealt with in a sensitive and thoughtful manner, and only when being "moved upon" by the Spirit. Being overly inquisitive on the subject may indeed cause more harm than good, with the risk of spoiling a potentially good relationship.

JessicaMay 3, 2016

Please be careful about marrying people even with assurance from the Spirit. I have known a number of people in adult singles wards who received confirmation of the Spirit that they were to marry a given person but who later divorced. These were former bishops and Relief Society presidents and other spiritually in tune people. But marriage requires a choice of each individual to stay together, not just a desire to be obedient. It also requires you get the help you need, not just the advice of church leaders. Some of the worst marriages I have seen and the saddest subsequent divorces are those where bishops were ill trained to handle the problems they were presented with, such as abuse or mental illness. And some problems last your whole life. Just how long can you live without any happiness? How long can you bear to have your children screamed at, or yourself threatened? There are some terrible problems in this world, for which we currently have no solutions Do you want to spend your life trapped by them?

Phil HarrisonMay 3, 2016

I would like to add as resources, my own testimony of recovery from pornography addiction, "Clean Hands, Pure Heart," and a book my wife and I wrote together for the spouses of addicts, called "From Heartache to Healing," both available at LDS bookstores or at . With so many people hurting, we hope to offer our hope that through the Savior's love and Atonement, healing is possible for both addict and spouse. He has not left us alone in this fight.

Repenting vs RepentedMay 3, 2016

I agree that addictions are very serious and I believe that you should find out as much as you can about that person and what they are DEALING WITH. But I do not agree that they should bring up things they have REPENTED OF. Jesus Christ says he will forgive and forget and we need to do the same for ourselves and for those who have had addictions. I also want to say I know men and women who have struggled through addiction and repented of it... and because of the addiction and repentance they have had to go through it caused them to A. be more understanding to others with addictions and therefor better parents and leaders and friends, etc B. as parents they could see the signs long before the real trouble starts. C, They are more understanding and make good spouses and friends because of the "trials" they have gone through,

GoodwinsMay 3, 2016

Great article. One other resource that I would add for helping people (not just men--30% of porn addicts are now women) overcome pornography addiction is the book Power Over Pornography. It presents a different but effective approach.

just a thoughtMay 3, 2016

In addition to the thoughts mentioned in the article, when deciding to marry someone where porn is an issue it would be a good idea to also consider the following: Do you want to deal with their grumpiness because they're spending time on this activity instead of getting the sleep they need? Are you ok that items on the honey-do list don't get done because they choose to indulge themselves instead? Are you prepared financially and emotionally if they lose their job because of a porn issue? Would it be ok with you to not have the power of the priesthood in your home?



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